Mantaspook Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 More spooky nonsense for you. Night Drive. I’ll try my hand at comedy next time. (Whaddya mean? You thought all my contributions WERE comedy?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jabberwocky Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Something very Stephen King-ish about that. In other words, excellent! More please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gypsy Hack Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 Very, very good. For pure story, it's probably the best I've read from this group so far. With some polishing of the writing (the paragraph with the German ECU grated a bit) I think you should seriously consider sending this story on the rounds. Nice one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattricia Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 I did like this a lot.Very clever and at a good fast pace.Held my attention.Great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brisbane Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 I feel like I had been on the journey with the guy, I was out of breath just reading! Brilliant. Totally agree with Jabberwocky that it had got the Stephen King edge to it. Yes, great read! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattricia Posted September 13, 2006 Share Posted September 13, 2006 I particularly liked the sentence"It whirled around at my approach" ,it reminds me a bit of "Ghostbusters" I agree also that it leaves you out of breath.Terrific! Good enough to be published. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantaspook Posted September 15, 2006 Author Share Posted September 15, 2006 Thanks for the feedback, particularly Gypsy Hack who is 100% correct about the German ECU, - the first draft was chopped about and considerably revised but I forgot to amend that paragraph. Let’s replace it with: I floor the accelerator and instinctively duck down, trying to make myself small as the glowing white missile plummets towards me “JEEEEEEEESSSUUUUSSS!” Short of sending the story to Stephen King’s publishers I can’t think of any magazine that might be interested in a story like this, if it made Brisbane & Pattricia breathless can you imagine the effect on “Woman’s Own” readers in the hairdressers? I don’t want that on my conscience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattricia Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 Thanks for the feedback, particularly Gypsy Hack who is 100% correct about the German ECU, - the first draft was chopped about and considerably revised but I forgot to amend that paragraph. Let’s replace it with: I floor the accelerator and instinctively duck down, trying to make myself small as the glowing white missile plummets towards me “JEEEEEEEESSSUUUUSSS!” Short of sending the story to Stephen King’s publishers I can’t think of any magazine that might be interested in a story like this, if it made Brisbane & Pattricia breathless can you imagine the effect on “Woman’s Own” readers in the hairdressers? I don’t want that on my conscience. Nope, its not a Womans Own story type. Cant stop thinking about the story and how well its written. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattricia Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 By the way what is the name of the Elton song ? Is it "Pin Ball Wizard" or summat ? Been sending me mad all day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mantaspook Posted September 16, 2006 Author Share Posted September 16, 2006 Yes, it’s “Pinball wizard” - I’m sure that Jabberwocky could confirm this as I understand he bears an uncanny resemblance to Elton John and performs as his stunt double at weekends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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