Story: 'Night Drive' (A ghost story)

[Mantaspook 14]

More spooky nonsense for you.

 

Night Drive.

 

I’ll try my hand at comedy next time. (Whaddya mean? You thought all my contributions WERE comedy?)

[Jabberwocky 46]

Something very Stephen King-ish about that.

In other words, excellent!

More please.

[Gypsy Hack 10]

Very, very good. For pure story, it's probably the best I've read from this group so far. With some polishing of the writing (the paragraph with the German ECU grated a bit) I think you should seriously consider sending this story on the rounds.

 

Nice one.

[pattricia 575]

I did like this a lot.Very clever and at a good fast pace.Held my attention.Great.

[brisbane 10]

I feel like I had been on the journey with the guy, I was out of breath just reading! Brilliant. Totally agree with Jabberwocky that it had got the Stephen King edge to it. Yes, great read!

[pattricia 575]

I particularly liked the sentence"It whirled around at my approach" ,it reminds me a bit of "Ghostbusters" I agree also that it leaves you out of breath.Terrific! Good enough to be published.

[Mantaspook 14]

Thanks for the feedback, particularly Gypsy Hack who is 100% correct about the German ECU, - the first draft was chopped about and considerably revised but I forgot to amend that paragraph.

 

Let’s replace it with:

 

I floor the accelerator and instinctively duck down, trying to make myself small as the glowing white missile plummets towards me “JEEEEEEEESSSUUUUSSS!”

 

Short of sending the story to Stephen King’s publishers I can’t think of any magazine that might be interested in a story like this, if it made Brisbane & Pattricia breathless can you imagine the effect on “Woman’s Own” readers in the hairdressers? I don’t want that on my conscience.

[pattricia 575]

Thanks for the feedback, particularly Gypsy Hack who is 100% correct about the German ECU, - the first draft was chopped about and considerably revised but I forgot to amend that paragraph.

 

Let’s replace it with:

 

I floor the accelerator and instinctively duck down, trying to make myself small as the glowing white missile plummets towards me “JEEEEEEEESSSUUUUSSS!”

 

Short of sending the story to Stephen King’s publishers I can’t think of any magazine that might be interested in a story like this, if it made Brisbane & Pattricia breathless can you imagine the effect on “Woman’s Own” readers in the hairdressers? I don’t want that on my conscience.

Nope, its not a Womans Own story type. Cant stop thinking about the story and how well its written.

[pattricia 575]

By the way what is the name of the Elton song ? Is it "Pin Ball Wizard" or summat ? Been sending me mad all day.

[Mantaspook 14]

Yes, it’s “Pinball wizard” - I’m sure that Jabberwocky could confirm this as I understand he bears an uncanny resemblance to Elton John and performs as his stunt double at weekends.

[Jabberwocky 46]

Mutter mutter mumble mutter bloody mutter mumble Elton bloody mumble John...

[Gypsy Hack 10]

I floor the accelerator and instinctively duck down, trying to make myself small as the glowing white missile plummets towards me “JEEEEEEEESSSUUUUSSS!”

Yes, that suits the pace of the story much better. Glad you agree.

 

Short of sending the story to Stephen King’s publishers I can’t think of any magazine that might be interested in a story like this, if it made Brisbane & Pattricia breathless can you imagine the effect on “Woman’s Own” readers in the hairdressers? I don’t want that on my conscience.

Oh go on, it'll be a laugh.

 

Otherwise, you could try Dark Wisdom magazine. http://www.darkwisdom.com. Check the guidelines before sending, and enquire before sending the story. Good luck if you decide to try it, think the standard is quite high. Give us a shout if you want a fuller critique of it before sending it off.