"Contemplations"

[Mantaspook 14]

I liked that, the atmosphere of brooding menace reminds me of Mrs Mantaspook.

[brisbane 10]

Hi Shoeshine,

Not had time to read your story yet but looking forward to reading it in the next few days.

[shoeshine 10]

Hello brisbane......I keep a low profile sometimes.....but nothing escapes my gaze.

 

Hope my contribution leaves you wanting more of the tale........ it's got to end in tears...eventually

[brisbane 10]

I enjoyed your story, at first I thought Jim would be a very down to earth type of guy and enjoying his retirement, then came the bitter sweet twist waiting to be unfolded........poor Millie! I think she needs to bolt the door to keep unwanted visitors at bay!

[fr8neck 10]

So much for there being nothing 'sinister' on this side of the portal!

[shoeshine 10]

'Tis somewhat brooding isn't it? I will get this story finished in the next week or two. I also have unfinished business on another story I started earlier on here too.

 

I haven't forgotten them folks.

[Hopman 46]

My thought after reading the first eight paragraphs was:

If a frail 80 year old with no family can afford to buy a house, wouldn't sheltered accommodation have been a better idea?

I'm wondering what sort of a house it is - in fact what sort they both are. Coal fires suggests an old house, two or more levels. Why didn't Millie buy a bungalow - maybe she's going to let slip that when life is too much, she will fall downstairs?

 

Final thought:

"I shall contemplate further tomorrow night, and every night until the plan is perfected, and I have decided who will ultimately suffer when it is put into effect."

 

I'm not happy with "and I have decided". The previous verbs suggest future actions, but "and I have decided" suggests the decision has already been made. Possibly "and I shall have decided" or "and my decision reached on who...".

[shoeshine 10]

Thanks for your advice, Hopman. All taken onboard at this end. Many thanks.

[mikomi 10]

Are you going to do , what i think your going to do .

[shoeshine 10]

Are you going to do , what i think your going to do .

 

A fascinating question mikomi.

[coyleys 10]

No, it wasn’t me, I never mentioned euthanasia,

[sauerkraut 10]

....

 

Final thought:

"I shall contemplate further tomorrow night, and every night until the plan is perfected, and I have decided who will ultimately suffer when it is put into effect."

 

I'm not happy with "and I have decided". The previous verbs suggest future actions, but "and I have decided" suggests the decision has already been made. Possibly "and I shall have decided" or "and my decision reached on who...".

 

I didn't see it that way. He's decided who's going to suffer (I have fears for the ex-neighbours meself) but is still working on exactly how.

 

It's very realistically portrayed - starting off so normal and innocent and gradually becoming more unnerving. Is Pattricia right that there's an element of personal experience here? It conjures up visions of when my own dad used to sit looking into the fire while my mum spent her evening with the old lady who lived next door. I wonder if such dark thoughts used to go through his mind as well!

 

I hope you won't keep us in suspense too long shoeshine!