Rottweiler owners

[sTaGeWaLkEr]

Although, sadly I am no longer a Rottweiler owner, I thought you might like this, a copy of which used to be adorned on my fridge:

 

THE ESSENTIAL

ROTTWIELER OWNER'S CONTRACT

 

I do hereby swear that I/we will abide by all the terms & conditions specified below.

 

Upon signing this contract I fully understand that all my Rottweilers dreams will be realized for ever more, and they shall assume their rightful position as the center of the universe, leaving me as a mere human slave.

 

GENERAL CONDITIONS

• My Rottweiler’s desires are always paramount. My Rottweilers wish is my command.

• GIVE, SHUT UP and LEAVE IT are all useless requests, so I will stop using them.

• I will not yell at my Rottweiler for slobbering everywhere after drinking, then chase him around the house with a "drool towel."

• I will not abandon my Rottweiler for trivial reasons like "going to work".

• I will not yell at my Rottweiler for creating "chew toys" from objects they find laying around which I should have picked up.

• I will try much harder to understand my Rottweilers language.

• If people were warned I might nip them if approached unexpectedly/had my space invaded, it is then on their head if I ever do. They should have left me alone.

• I will never go socializing with other canines without my Rottweiler.

• I will not laugh at my Rottweiler for being confused over not being able to find the lump of ice he buried earlier in the day.

EXERCISE REQUIREMENTS AND DOGGY SOCIALIZATION

• I will not chase my Rottweiler around yelling HERE! when he is busy socializing.

• I will not complain my arm is tired after only throwing the ball 50 times.

• I will not confuse my Rottweiler by throwing snowballs for him to fetch.

• I will not drag my Rottweiler from interesting sniffing spots during our walkies.

• I will not hide or place my Rottweiler's ball in a place where I know he couldn't possibly retrieve it from and then ask him to go and get it.

• I will drop whatever I am doing and take my Rottweiler out as soon as he asks me to.

• A little rain and a cool breeze is no excuse for not walking my Rottie.

NUTRITION AND GROOMING

• I will not run out of treats. Ever!

• I will always carry around cookies & treats and will instruct all my friends to do likewise.

• I will never eat anything until my Rottweiler has tasted what I have and approved it for me.

• I will share everything I eat with my Rottweiler.

• I shall take my Rottie to the Dog salon as often is is neccesary to be pampered and preened.

AROUND THE HOUSE

• I will not sneak around the patio, wearing funny clothes and a face mask, to test whether my Rottweiler is a good watchdog.

• I will not yell at my Rottweiler to "HURRY UP" when he's just looking for the right spot to take care of business.

• Once he has found an acceptable spot, I will not stare while my Rottweiler is doing his business.

• I will open the back door as soon as my Rottweiler sits by it.

• I will never again leave my Rottweiler at home if I intend to go driving in the car.

CATS

• I will not bring home anymore cats.

• I will get rid of all those cats we currently own.

• I will protect my Rottweiler from all obnoxious little human things at all times.

• I will not have another one of those obnoxious little human things.

 

 

Signed: (Owner)

 

 

Rottie: