Story: 'A fairy story.'

[absynthfairy 10]

This is a fairy story that is actually part of my first novel - but thats a bit long so I thought this would serve as a taster... I read a book a few years ago that was modern fairy stories that were a bit dark and really enjoyed it - just wish I could remember what it was called or who it was by!

 

Hope you like it!

 

A Fairy Story.

[brisbane 10]

Thought that was so sweet. Could really picture her in her little outfit.

[Mantaspook 14]

Hi Absynthfairy,

 

I thought the story was OK but it could have been a lot better.

 

Some (hopefully constructive) suggestions:

 

Ariadne’s name is mentioned unnecessarily so many times, the readers attention is on her for 90% of the story anyway and the narrative flow would be better if you occasionally substituted her name for “she” & “her.”

 

The small size of the fairies needs emphasizing, the only real clue in your story is the size of the walnut shell boat, why not have her galloping around on a ladybird or describing her suspenseful escape from a spider’s web?

 

No real reason is given why she had to wait until her ninth birthday before she was allowed in the water, if it was for her safety then this is discordant with the fact that she is swept away the first time she enters it, she simply takes this emotionally distressing event in her stride when it would be more interesting to show her anguish of been swept away.

 

Why didn’t she just walk back home along the river bank to her loving family? It would have been more realistic (if you can use that word about a fairy tale!) to have her swept out to sea, land on an enchanted island and perhaps, after many adventures, hitch a lift back upstream with a sea salmon.

 

So in conclusion : less name dropping and more ladybirds, spiders, fish & realism please!

 

Hope this helps!

[shoeshine 10]

I see where you are coming from on this Mantaspook. The author did say it was only part of a book currently being written and was just intended as a small "taster" of the whole project.

 

I think it shows good imagination, and children love this sort of thing as bedtime reading, and perhaps some adults would enjoy reading them to their children too.

 

As with the contribution from sauerkraut recently it could be a good basis for a whole series of children's stories using the main characters as the link between the tales.

[pattricia 575]

I find childrens stories hard to write, so well done with this.

[Zebra 10]

Though I'm not a member, (didn't realise I had to have a pssword to readbut since I don;t have time to write I don't think I can join) but noticed your post Absynth and you might be thinking of Angela Carter - though maybe not. I;ve got a few books of that nature, will have a look through them when I get time.

TTFN

Zebra