JoeP Â Â 11 #1 Posted July 21, 2006 Hi all, Â Here's a little story I wrote some time ago. Â Nothing special, I think I could improve it. I like it, though. Â Comments welcome. My banning boots are off in these hallowed portals. Â Market Research. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Jabberwocky   46 #2 Posted July 21, 2006 Now. I love this one. Reminds me of Arthur C Clarks older works. This story did to me what, until now, only some of Stephen Kings stories could do. Took me back to my childhood.  I hope I get to see more like this. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Jabberwocky   46 #3 Posted July 21, 2006 Just a thought.... the story could also be made more sinister couldnt it. Actually Id experiment with the same salesman visiting different people, each chapter with a different person, each ending different depending on weather the person was good or bad. At the and of the book, the salesman could glance upwards to see a face looking down at HIM! My brain is actually coughing into life because of that story. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
hazel   11 #4 Posted July 22, 2006 Hi Joe, I enjoyed it. I'm presuming jimmy's dead now and this is Jimmy Soams' version of heaven. is this as you intended or have you left it open to interpretation. So I'm reading it as the grim reaper comiing ----the heavenly type. hazel Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
JoeP Â Â 11 #5 Posted July 22, 2006 Could be either way, Hazel. That's one view I'd not taken on the story, actually - but it's an interesting one! Â Jabberwocky - When I wrote this one I think I was 'mellowed out' so was feeling like doing a 'feel good' story rather than a 'look behind the curtain' job! Â Suffice to say I have a shelf full of Arthur C Clarke, Ray Bradbury, Stephen King and Phil Dick. I also loved the Twilight Zone! My creative mind is hence a rather weird, but traditional, place. Â Thanks for reading! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
hazel   11 #6 Posted July 22, 2006 I got the idea that if you wanted to continue you could also make their new life hell according to how they had lived hazel Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
JoeP Â Â 11 #7 Posted July 22, 2006 Hazel, Â That's a good take - oddly enough I've got one somewhere that is along those lines! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
caz_ol   10 #8 Posted July 22, 2006 Nicely writtern I htought, just the right amount of attention to detail. It would have been nice to see the sales man approach the model Jimmies door..making you think of worlds within worlds but only a small thing really..No I definatley liked it!  Good job done JoeP! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
42fta   10 #9 Posted July 26, 2006 Great stuff, JoeP, its exactly the sort of short that I like to read and beautifully written.  The reader (me) has a sneaky sense of superiority thinking that they know how its going to end, but then the story line veers away just enough to put the author back in control. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...