Changing Relationships

[El Cid 220]

11 hours ago, cressida said:

If only I could find a gentleman friend but it's not easy,  I certainly don't want to live with another man as I need my space and risk spending my declining years looking after someone,  not got the energy.

I understand the reluctance to enter another relationship, but no one knows what is around the corner and who will be looking after who.

Both will support each other and another family of support, not just one person. That is the theory if you are being optimistic.

The alternative is being alone in old age and relying on support from your children.

Edited June 6, 2021 by El Cid

[cressida 1,567]

My two sons still live with me,  I'm not lonely,   but as I said I only need a gentleman companion,  is it asking too much?

[Padders 2,865]

22 hours ago, cressida said:

If only I could find a gentleman friend but it's not easy,  I certainly don't want to live with another man as I need my space and risk spending my declining years looking after someone,  not got the energy.

Ditto!

[Annie Bynnol 612]

23 hours ago, saywhatnow said:

I'm never married and far from an expert in divorce law but seeing some of the situations other people going through a divorce have been in cemented my view that I didn't want to get married.

 

Partner A earns less than partner B. Partner A has paid into a pension since day one, partner B never bothered. During divorce partner B was able to claim a portion of partner As pension. As I say I don't know the law about this, and don't know the full divorce terms but it Just doesn't seem right to me. 

The "...partner B never bothered." bit is interesting.

There is an assumption in the tone of the sentence that partner B:

had a free choice to buy a pension,

could afford to buy a pension,

partner A wanted the partner B to buy the pension,

had the time and energy to run a family home, have children, raise children and have a full time job were they were allowed to make contributions to a pension. 

 

People forget that the contract between married partners assumes that there is an equal contribution from both partners (in varying quantities) of everything including things bought into a marriage. At a set date the marriage assets are divided - the assets(and debts) include all pensions(diiferent rules apply to State pensions), property and savings.

 

 

 

[saywhatnow 33]

20 minutes ago, Annie Bynnol said:

The "...partner B never bothered." bit is interesting.

There is an assumption in the tone of the sentence that partner B:

had a free choice to buy a pension,

could afford to buy a pension,

partner A wanted the partner B to buy the pension,

had the time and energy to run a family home, have children, raise children and have a full time job were they were allowed to make contributions to a pension. 

 

People forget that the contract between married partners assumes that there is an equal contribution from both partners (in varying quantities) of everything including things bought into a marriage. At a set date the marriage assets are divided - the assets(and debts) include all pensions(diiferent rules apply to State pensions), property and savings.

 

 

 

Personally, I have always seen it as my own responsibility to ensure I have been saving for my retirement, and see it as another person's responsibility to do the same for themselves. It's the first thing I did when I first started working despite my first job being low wage and me living in a HMO at the time. 

 

Both people were earning above the UK average salary and worked full time. The person did have free choice to have paid into a pension, I can't comment on whether partner A wanted partner B to sign up for a pension, I just don't expect another person to expect to live retirement on someone else's pension, I guess that's my assumption. There were no children.

 

I understand what you're saying about the contract of marriage,and that is where the legality and ability to claim against that pension comes into it. I just don't want to have made these sacrifices myself for someone to then take a portion of it away from me, and leads to me being cynical I suppose.

 

I do take on board that I don't know the ins and outs - and it has made me consider; they may have had an agreement that only one was paying into a pension so they could save faster for home improvements etc. So thanks for your response.

 

Obviously I'm such an old romantic 

[hackey lad 3,973]

12 hours ago, Padders said:

Ditto!

You looking for a gentleman friend Padders ?

[Padders 2,865]

53 minutes ago, hackey lad said:

You looking for a gentleman friend Padders ?

I knew somebody would spot that, I couldn't be bothered to change it. 

To put the record straight, the Female variety.

 

[Annie Bynnol 612]

17 hours ago, saywhatnow said:

Personally, I have always seen it as my own responsibility to ensure I have been saving for my retirement, and see it as another person's responsibility to do the same for themselves. It's the first thing I did when I first started working despite my first job being low wage and me living in a HMO at the time. 

 

Both people were earning above the UK average salary and worked full time. The person did have free choice to have paid into a pension, I can't comment on whether partner A wanted partner B to sign up for a pension, I just don't expect another person to expect to live retirement on someone else's pension, I guess that's my assumption. There were no children.

 

I understand what you're saying about the contract of marriage,and that is where the legality and ability to claim against that pension comes into it. I just don't want to have made these sacrifices myself for someone to then take a portion of it away from me, and leads to me being cynical I suppose.

 

I do take on board that I don't know the ins and outs - and it has made me consider; they may have had an agreement that only one was paying into a pension so they could save faster for home improvements etc. So thanks for your response.

 

Obviously I'm such an old romantic 

Pure finance.

Two people in a  marriage earn money, they spend money, they save, 

How they arrange their finances is their business and as individuals within the marriage they should have considered the very real impact on their finances, of separation. 

Paying for a private pension is just one of many joint expenditures-highly unusual nowadays not to have a private pension from both jobs and the consequences of a bad decision has now come home to roost for both.

 

 

 

 

[saywhatnow 33]

7 hours ago, Annie Bynnol said:

Pure finance.

Two people in a  marriage earn money, they spend money, they save, 

How they arrange their finances is their business and as individuals within the marriage they should have considered the very real impact on their finances, of separation. 

Paying for a private pension is just one of many joint expenditures-highly unusual nowadays not to have a private pension from both jobs and the consequences of a bad decision has now come home to roost for both.

 

 

 

 

Indeed. That's the legality of it, and there's a number of different ways couples will arrange their finances which the law has to cover, which I didn't consider in my initial post. I just don't like it.

 

If I had found myself in that situation I'd just be hoping they couldn't claim against my pension contributions for the 15 years prior to me even knowing the person I was now divorcing. 

 

But as you point out, it would be my own responsibility to consider the very real impact of finances in the event of divorce. 

[El Cid 220]

On 06/06/2021 at 10:54, saywhatnow said:

I'm never married and far from an expert in divorce law but seeing some of the situations other people going through a divorce have been in cemented my view that I didn't want to get married.

You would think that if the 50% that were married and enjoyed the experience, if their partner died or walked away, they would want to get hitched again.

[saywhatnow 33]

2 hours ago, El Cid said:

You would think that if the 50% that were married and enjoyed the experience, if their partner died or walked away, they would want to get hitched again.

Yes, I can see why they might. I suppose there's a lot of different factors that might affect someone's choice. 

[hackey lad 3,973]

23 hours ago, Padders said:

I knew somebody would spot that, I couldn't be bothered to change it. 

To put the record straight, the Female variety.

 

Ok Paddy . Nudge ,nudge , wink, wink