Where To Go To Help My Neighbour

[pattricia 574]

My neighbour is in her seventies , a widow with no children. Ten years ago she had cancer of the bowel but after an operation, recovered. Since then she has had a scan every six months to check that she is ok. A month ago after a scan she was told that her cancer had returned but was now in her lungs and kidneys . Her consultant told her she has just months to live. . I ring her in the week to ask if she needs any groceries bringing in. Because she has an order she always says no, but yesterday asked for some pikelets. When I gave them to her at her door , it was the first time I had seen her in weeks, and she was quite confused, depressed and had no socks or shoes on. She has told me over the phone that she now is very down, depressed and sad. ( which with her prognosis, I can understand) I do think she needs some physiological help but I don’t like to tell her that. Who can I go to for help for her. ? Would it be the Macmillan nurses or any other cancer care organisation. ? This lady needs help but should I interfere or not ? 

 

Edited October 27, 2020 by pattricia

[Padders 2,850]

4 hours ago, pattricia said:

My neighbour is in her seventies , a widow with no children. Ten years ago she had cancer of the bowel but after an operation, recovered. Since then she has had a scan every six months to check that she is ok. A month ago after a scan she was told that her cancer had returned but was now in her lungs and kidneys . Her consultant told her she has just months to live. . I ring her in the week to ask if she needs any groceries bringing in. Because she has an order she always says no, but yesterday asked for some pikelets. When I gave them to her at her door , it was the first time I had seen her in weeks, and she was quite confused, depressed and had no socks or shoes on. She has told me over the phone that she now is very down, depressed and sad. ( which with her prognosis, I can understand) I do think she needs some physiological help but I don’t like to tell her that. Who can I go to for help for her. ? Would it be the Macmillan nurses or any other cancer care organisation. ? This lady needs help but should I interfere or not ? 

 

How very sad...

Your concern is to be applauded.

[hauxwell 243]

4 hours ago, pattricia said:

My neighbour is in her seventies , a widow with no children. Ten years ago she had cancer of the bowel but after an operation, recovered. Since then she has had a scan every six months to check that she is ok. A month ago after a scan she was told that her cancer had returned but was now in her lungs and kidneys . Her consultant told her she has just months to live. . I ring her in the week to ask if she needs any groceries bringing in. Because she has an order she always says no, but yesterday asked for some pikelets. When I gave them to her at her door , it was the first time I had seen her in weeks, and she was quite confused, depressed and had no socks or shoes on. She has told me over the phone that she now is very down, depressed and sad. ( which with her prognosis, I can understand) I do think she needs some physiological help but I don’t like to tell her that. Who can I go to for help for her. ? Would it be the Macmillan nurses or any other cancer care organisation. ? This lady needs help but should I interfere or not ? 

 

What about contacting  adult social care also as you say the Macmillan nurse might be able to give you advice.  If you phone the council they should point you in the right direction.  It’s nice of you to be concerned for her welfare.

[pattricia 574]

1 hour ago, Padders said:

How very sad...

Your concern is to be applauded.

Thank you Padders but I feel guilty at not knowing what to do with me being a retired  State Registered Nurse specialising in geriatrics, but years ago they just bunged old ill people into Fir Vale Hospital or an old folks home.!

1 hour ago, hauxwell said:

What about contacting  adult social care also as you say the Macmillan nurse might be able to give you advice.  If you phone the council they should point you in the right direction.  It’s nice of you to be concerned for her welfare.

Thank you I will take your advice. Can I still phone the council as she’s not in a council house ? I will def phone Macmillan.

[francypants 441]

Hi Pat,

You're not interfering, you are a concerned and caring neighbour.

I would suggest contacting Adult Social Services as it sounds as though she could do with some help around the house too.   Poor lady, I love older people.  Good on you Pat, she's lucky to have you as her neighbour.   xx

[pattricia 574]

17 minutes ago, francypants said:

Hi Pat,

You're not interfering, you are a concerned and caring neighbour.

I would suggest contacting Adult Social Services as it sounds as though she could do with some help around the house too.   Poor lady, I love older people.  Good on you Pat, she's lucky to have you as her neighbour.   xx

The thing is francy, that she is a very quiet, subdued person, and I’m not sure that she would accept any help. She even asked me not to tell anyone on our road that she was dying. When I asked her why she said that she didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for her. However, she is in a deep depression, sinking lower every day. At the moment she is waiting for a referral to Weston Park Hospital for further treatment, although she knows it will do her no good.

[pattricia 574]

On 27/10/2020 at 11:43, francypants said:

Hi Pat,

You're not interfering, you are a concerned and caring neighbour.

I would suggest contacting Adult Social Services as it sounds as though she could do with some help around the house too.   Poor lady, I love older people.  Good on you Pat, she's lucky to have you as her neighbour.  

1 minute ago, pattricia said:

 

The wheels are in motion to help. 

Edited October 28, 2020 by pattricia

[francypants 441]

2 hours ago, pattricia said:

The wheels are in motion to help. 

That's good news Pat.

From experience I've found that elderly people are often reluctant to accept assistance especially when previously they have been able to manage things well.  Pride plays a big part.  I hope things work out for your neighbour and she gets the help she needs and is happy with it.

[pattricia 574]

Thanks francy, that’s very kind of you.xx

[pattricia 574]

17 hours ago, francypants said:

That's good news Pat.

From experience I've found that elderly people are often reluctant to accept assistance especially when previously they have been able to manage things well.  Pride plays a big part.  I hope things work out for your neighbour and she gets the help she needs and is happy with it.

You’ve hit the nail on the head ! It is Pride that has stopped her accepting help. I do not want the MacMillan nurses to tell her that it’s me who has contacted them.

[Mister M 1,608]

On 29/10/2020 at 09:05, pattricia said:

You’ve hit the nail on the head ! It is Pride that has stopped her accepting help. I do not want the MacMillan nurses to tell her that it’s me who has contacted them.

I would've thought that they are bound by confidentiality, so they wouldn't disclose any names.

[pattricia 574]

9 hours ago, Mister M said:

I would've thought that they are bound by confidentiality, so they wouldn't disclose any names.

Yes, you are correct.