Dear Forum. Relationship With An Alcoholic

[Lex Luthor 10]

11 hours ago, BobOfRoth said:

Thank you and sorry to taking so long to reply. I wasnt going to revisit this thread as I was having a hard time with some peoples blinkered opinions. I suppose Its because Im so connected with the subject matter that I find it hard when people just basically say "cut and run" or "think of yourself only". As for someone suggesting a runaway fund????

Jeez that one got my goat. Is this what society has become? Think about yourself and screw anyone else who may need help, if it doesn't go your way the do a runner?

Thank you again for your comments mate.

No need for thanks, or to apologise, I can totally understand your reaction.  It's a natural response.  Try not to get too disheartened.  I think it's the nature of these threads, that because the OP is asking for help, people try to look at things from their side, but sometimes, only based on second-hand experiences and relationships are so complex, as are we as humans and our addictions.  We all need and are deserving of love and compassion.

 

I'm glad you found the strength to revisit the thread.  I find that a very positive sign that also says a lot about your strength of character.

 

Keep up the tremendous work, and keep in touch.

 

[Jomie 30]

BobOfRoth - hopefully you will find the strength to live a good life without the use of alcohol.  It is understandable that you were upset by some of the comments.  Looking at it from both sides, if you didn't have problems with alcohol, would you give up your own life to support and care for someone who did?  Carers give up their own life to care for another person.  Research has been conducted into the health of carers and time and time again it indicates that they are chronically unwell, anxious and stressed. They tend to neglect their own health and as a result some die before their caree. That is the brutal truth of being a carer.

 

Please don't blame others - their experience is different to yours and some of the members have given useful replies based on personal experience.  Most people enter into a relationship for mutual support but with alcoholism the afflicted partner cannot always be supportive.  Often people who are in relationships with alcoholics try very hard to support them over a long period of time and don't give up easily.  Sometimes cutting loose is not about selfishness but about survival.  

Edited January 12, 2020 by Jomie

[dizzy_chick 10]

On 11/01/2020 at 19:22, BobOfRoth said:

Thank you and sorry to taking so long to reply. I wasnt going to revisit this thread as I was having a hard time with some peoples blinkered opinions. I suppose Its because Im so connected with the subject matter that I find it hard when people just basically say "cut and run" or "think of yourself only". As for someone suggesting a runaway fund????

Jeez that one got my goat. Is this what society has become? Think about yourself and screw anyone else who may need help, if it doesn't go your way the do a runner?

Thank you again for your comments mate.

I'm sorry you felt that way about my post. It wasn't intended to come across in that way. My advice was to hopefully enable the person who is reflecting on their relationship to have a way of protecting themselves (and potentially any children), if they choose to remain with that person.  

 

it is of course the OP's decision to remain in that relationship but my post was trying to suggest that the OP will need support with that on a practical level.

 

My former partner spent all of our money on weed, and managed to get us evicted from our home because of it.  

 

[tinfoilhat 11]

On 06/01/2020 at 05:31, Dear Forum... said:

I’m in a relationship with  a person who is an alcoholic but when I met this person they had stopped drinking but have now resumed drinking again. They have been disowned by their family and as a result of this they have tried taking their own life recently . My dilemma is should I stick with this person or should I move on as they won’t get the help they need to stop?

Have you asked why they started drinking?

[PRESLEY 1,229]

21 hours ago, tinfoilhat said:

Have you asked why they started drinking?

Some people don't have a reason, due to some people drinking regular (every day) ,one morning they wake up and just need a drink, drinking shorts eg whiskey is one of the main demons for this, Im just relating to stories of several peole Ive known over the years.  Trauma in someones life is a common cause tho.

[Lex Luthor 10]

My Uncle drank to forget about the horrors he witnessed, being a young, conscript soldier in the Korean war.  So I guess the war that killed his young, frightened, friends, killed him in the end.

[catmiss 12]

On 07/01/2020 at 05:49, Lex Luthor said:

Well done, Bob, it takes guts to admit you have a problem.

 

It seems to me that you have taken the first big step in recognising this.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you have not had a good experience with your GP.  I hope you will be able to access other help/services in the near future.

 

Totally agree that it takes courage to acknowledge the problem publicly and, although sadly unsuccessful, have taken steps to find help. There are a lot of non statutory organisations (not just AA) who can help. Have you thought of trying Fitzwilliam clinic?

[saywhatnow 33]

12 hours ago, catmiss said:

Totally agree that it takes courage to acknowledge the problem publicly and, although sadly unsuccessful, have taken steps to find help. There are a lot of non statutory organisations (not just AA) who can help. Have you thought of trying Fitzwilliam clinic?

The service is on Sidney / matilda Street, Fitzwilliam is for opiate users. 

 

Call Sheffield Treatment And Recovery Team on 0114 305 0500

[Doubtful 0]

Something I read elsewhere to keep you sane ....

The three C's for friends and relatives.

Cause, control and cure.

 

Cause
You didn't cause it.

Control
You can't control it 

Cure 
You can't cure it.

Edited January 28, 2020 by Doubtful

[Fiat500 17]

12 hours ago, Doubtful said:

Something I read elsewhere to keep you sane ....

The three C's for friends and relatives.

Cause, control and cure.

 

Cause
You didn't cause it.

Control
You can't control it 

Cure 
You can't cure it.

Totally agree. WE were always trying to find out how WE Caused it. WE were always trying to find out to Control it. WE knew we couldn't Cure it. Finding the 3 Cs helped us. We know (and always knew) the only person who can deal with the 3 Cs is the person who has the addiction. All we can do is sit and wait for the next episode and be there if we are needed. It is hard.