Dear Forum. Relationship With An Alcoholic

[pattricia 575]

They say a leopard doesn’t change its spots and this is my reply. This person may stop you living your life and doing the things you want to do.  Life is short ! Don’t waste it !

[BobOfRoth 0]

4 hours ago, pattricia said:

They say a leopard doesn’t change its spots and this is my reply. This person may stop you living your life and doing the things you want to do.  Life is short ! Don’t waste it !

Thats pretty heartless.

[pattricia 575]

2 hours ago, BobOfRoth said:

Thats pretty heartless.

Well it seems to be the opinion of most of the replies on here.!

Edited January 7, 2020 by pattricia

[Lex Luthor 10]

20 hours ago, BobOfRoth said:

As no one knows me personally on here or at least I dont think anyone dose I feel I can be honest. Ive really been through the mill this last few years and as a result of this and a few other issues Ive been left with a bit of a drink problem I am trying to tackle.

The GP is not much help, my extended family is non existent and so the loneliness of my predicament helps fuel the feeling that I need a drink.

I would like to say that I wish I had someone who obviously cares so deeply in my corner.

Do what you feel you must but dont be rash and then live to regret your decision by feeling later down the road you could have been more help than you were.

Good luck with what ever you choose.

Well done, Bob, it takes guts to admit you have a problem.

 

It seems to me that you have taken the first big step in recognising this.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you have not had a good experience with your GP.  I hope you will be able to access other help/services in the near future.

 

[Jomie 30]

@Dear Forum - if you decide to stay with your partner, please be aware that he will probably eventually develop serious health problems and it is likely that you will at some point become his carer. It tends to be insidious - needs increase gradually and at first the partner doesn't realize that they have become a carer. The anxiety, ill health and stress in carers is well researched and documented. You should maybe consider this carefully before making any decision.  

[PRESLEY 1,228]

12 hours ago, pattricia said:

Well it seems to be the opinion of most of the replies on here.!

Its your opinion and the right opinion.   An alcoholic has to help him or herself first,  no one can force a person to stop drinking admitted partners can try to help but believe me its a waste of time. Get the afflicted into rehab and let the proffesionals do their job.  Two lives shouldn't be affected with one persons problem, Im speaking of this situation not other situations where partners can help and come through it together.

[dizzy_chick 10]

My former in-laws were both (functioning-ish) alcoholics for many years. 

 

A close friend was married to an alcoholic who now is experiencing considerable health impacts due to the long term effects of drinking heavily. 

 

Whatever you decide to do, and your circumstances will have to inform this, will make it a difficult decision.

 

There are support organisations out there who may be able to support you while you are in this relationship. 

 

There is support out there for your partner. 

 

If you do decide to remain in this relationship, and the drinking does continue, consider taking steps to protect yourself financially and practically. For example, if you are living together, try and maintain some income to yourself or have a small amount of money saved away which only you can access (a 'running away fund' and the Sheffield Credit Union could be useful for this).  if you are not living together, and can afford to continue to live separately, consider keeping this arrangement. Try and maintain your links with friends and family, you will need their support. Try and make sure you have a life outside and separate to the relationship. For example, continue to go to social groups, the gym or other fitness activities, or other hobbies. All of these will help to support you through this relationship. 

[pattricia 575]

2 hours ago, PRESLEY said:

Its your opinion and the right opinion.   An alcoholic has to help him or herself first,  no one can force a person to stop drinking admitted partners can try to help but believe me its a waste of time. Get the afflicted into rehab and let the proffesionals do their job.  Two lives shouldn't be affected with one persons problem, Im speaking of this situation not other situations where partners can help and come through it together.

Thank you Presley.!

[click-00 10]

@ Dear Forum time stands still for the drinker, five years or twenty five years it makes no difference  they may function and  work but they live in a foggy haze  and alcohol will always have priority over every part of your lives together. You could look back years from now and think what did you get out this relationship only wasted years  of  being stuck in repeat mode "a drinker just drinks".  

[Becky B 31]

What advice would you give to a friend if they were in this situation?

[Guest]

As a someone who had a his last drink 21 years ago, I can only tell you that one drink is one too many.

Now,  question is, does your boyfriend wants to stop drinking?

I wouldn't be so harsh like other posters and say "leave him immediately"  until we know all the details. 

 

[BobOfRoth 0]

On 07/01/2020 at 05:49, Lex Luthor said:

Well done, Bob, it takes guts to admit you have a problem.

 

It seems to me that you have taken the first big step in recognising this.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you have not had a good experience with your GP.  I hope you will be able to access other help/services in the near future.

 

Thank you and sorry to taking so long to reply. I wasnt going to revisit this thread as I was having a hard time with some peoples blinkered opinions. I suppose Its because Im so connected with the subject matter that I find it hard when people just basically say "cut and run" or "think of yourself only". As for someone suggesting a runaway fund????

Jeez that one got my goat. Is this what society has become? Think about yourself and screw anyone else who may need help, if it doesn't go your way the do a runner?

Thank you again for your comments mate.