Do you hate social gatherings?

[Waldo 96]

1 hour ago, Cyclone said:

How can you ask permission without speaking to them for that permission?  The very notion makes no sense and that's why people think that they can speak to you without first speaking to you to ask for permission to speak to you.

Presumably (and I could be wrong), fill is referring to people jumping in and discussing quite sensitive topics with people, without first getting a feel for (i.e.  permission) if that person is happy to discuss that particular topic with you.

 

Anyhow, for me, I find I can take or leave social gatherings. I'm happy enough in my own company, and also happy in the company of people I gel with. I very rarely drink though, so can struggle when people turn a social gathering in to a 'how much wine can we drink' affair. One glass would last me all evening, and I'm just as happy without, it seems to be a social lubricant for a lot of people though.

 

What does everyone think, do people need intoxicants these days, in order to socially interact?

Edited December 11, 2018 by Waldo

[Cyclone 10]

I've no idea why we'd make that assumption, he definitely didn't say that.

 

I spend plenty of time socially with people when not drinking, but at a party I'd definitely want a drink.  Watching other people get drunk is tedious, I'd rather join them and then we can talk rubbish together.

 

I guess I'm lucky in that most of my social engagement is on my own terms.  It's rare that someone would turn up at my house uninvited, very rare in fact.  Probably down to being out a lot, if they tried they'd most likely have travelled here for nothing.

 

So if social engagements are ones that I have to go to, it means that when I've had enough I can always leave, or indeed if I choose to I just don't go.

 

For an exception this year we have the in-laws coming over on xmas day, but I'm sure I'll cope.  I can always go for a walk if I need a break.

[vwkittie 10]

I can't stand hugging, have no desire to have physical contact like that with anyone other than my partner, and dread social occasions that I fear might end in a hug. Spend the whole time plotting how to avoid it and then 99% of the time fail to do so, because I feel rude saying no. Pathetic.

[EUCLID11 10]

I don't hug, shake hands or meet anyone socially. A few years ago I realised I hated it all so decided to  ignore anything or anyone I didn't like. I avoid weddings, parties and quite a lot of family members. New Year parties made me realise why I hated it all. I have aquaintances but few friends as I found that friends expected things from me, favours and the like.  I'm no longer invited anywhere so I'm much happier. I don't fear crowds of strangers, public transport is OK, so I've no problems. I don't allow anyone to pressure me into going anywhere I don't want to go. I have my immediate family, wife, kids and grandkids. They provide all the social interaction I need.  Yes, I can be an antisocial bugger but only to people who try to intrude into my space. 

[Cyclone 10]

Friends do occasionally ask favours, and they occasionally do favours as well.  It's a two way street kind of thing.

[AntiBrexit 0]

I don't mind social gatherings has long it's not an drawn out affair. Years ago an decreased Uncle of my mum's used to have an Christmas party no one in the family enjoyed them. The Uncle was on the tight side he won't put the heating on , the food was from Netto the plates and teapots were so old that he super glued them back together when they broke. You were reluctant to to pour your self a tea just in case the handle came off and it was always your fault not the teapots!

 

I laugh now but only young at the time made me a bit reluctant to go too family parties after that experience. 

[26b-6 16]

On 12/10/2018 at 11:27 AM, Cyclone said:

Who is "invading" your home?  Friends and family that you have invited?

 

Hugging is fairly easy to avoid isn't it though, just don't stand too close, and tell people you're not very tactile, they'll remember and stop doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

Being dismissive of mental health issues that you have no experience of nor expertise in is probably some kind of disorder.

I should've probably explained a bit more in my OP instead going off on a bit of a tangent. 

 

Long story short...My daughters mum died when she was 2 years old.  She came from a big loving  affectionate family and  they have every right to see their grand daughter/ niece/ family.  My girlfriend is great with my daughter and they gelled straight way, too well.  My daughters been calling my girlfriend mum.  I've tried to hide it as  I 'sensed' predicted my daughters mum's family would object.    I don't want to ruin their relationship and upset  my daughter,  but can't find the courage and right moment to tell her, but I also know it can't continue...

On 12/10/2018 at 11:41 AM, bendix said:

 

How would you know if I have experience or not?  One person's anxiety disorder, is another person's tough day that they will just struggle through.  That's the whole point.  There is no measurable definition - it all relates to how we 'feel'.  We have been so sanitised today to explore and exaggerate our feelings that people don't feel complete without a disorder or two.

 

Whatever happened to just coping and getting on with things, even when you're feeling anxious or nervous.  On one School last week, a 13 year old girl was asked to speak in front of her class.  She couldn't, because it's a hard thing to do as a teenager.  Most of us suffered similar worries back then.  But . . lo and behold . . instead of her difficulty being attributed to being a shy teenager who didn't want to be laughed at by her classmates, her reluctance as attributed to . . . you guessed it . . .anxiety disorder.

 

There's different degrees of everything.  What one person finds unbearable is another persons walk in the park.  Eg I used to work at heights and never found it an issue. I know other people who would die of fright been forced into said situation.

Edited December 16, 2018 by 26b-6

[Cyclone 10]

I know you didn't ask for advice, but I'd go with whatever will make your daughter happy, not what will make your in-laws happy.  A difficult situation to be in, but your daughter hardly knew her real mum unfortunately and it's good for her that she feels that comfortable with your girlfriend.

[shanks 10]

On 12/10/2018 at 2:07 PM, bendix said:

Am I lacking in empathy or is that now a disorder or illness too?  Perhaps I have Empathy Deficit Disorder.    You really should be more tolerant of us people with mental illnesses.  Instead, you're just being  mean.   

 

The bottom line is everyone loves to label themselves with disorders now, disorders which frankly noone had even heard of two decades ago.  You, Cyclone, have no more ability than me to diagnose anyone based on them posting on a forum that they suffer from . . what was it . . shakes and nervousness and flushes, than I have to dismiss it.

 

Here's some advice.  Stop taking yourself so seriously.

I’ve no idea how empathetic you are.  I do know that on this thread you are appearing like a complete twonk imho.  

Let’s not let medical science or an evidence base get in the way of a 1950s view of the world though eh.  

Good luck and best wishes to all those out there who have a different outlook from that you’ve presented.