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Feeling very lonely.

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On 09/12/2018 at 02:17, Waldo said:

For me, I find the most significant important relationship in life, is the one I have with myself. Appreciation and love for yourself; that's so very important in life, and something we need to cultivate/nurture. Ironically. it's often when we feel low or isolated, that we look for nourishment outside of ourselves, usually in other people. There's just something futile and just so wrong about trying to find fulfilment and happiness in things external to us. It's like we're looking for love and acceptance from others, while we're not truely loving and accepting ourselves.

This advice is a bit chiche. Nothing wrong with cliche but I question why it is suggested that it is insecure or weak to seek happiness from others. Imagine a world where you're the only human left alive, would you want to go on living? I know I wouldn't. If you ask me it's a fact that our happiness is reliant on other people.

 

I grew up happy with a really close friend in school, tom, who moved away in Y6 but I still had a good friend on my street and a few months later I became good friends with James. We went through all of secondary school and into college together, we knew everything about one and other. Then age 20 the two of us shared a flat for a year. As this year was coming to an end, I got my first proper girlfriend, and James moved away for work. I almost didn't notice James had all but disappeared from my life as Amy and I were so in love. But you guessed it, 4 years later in 2018, we broke up (this also coincided with the plateu/fall of my athletic career which is by itself a common cause of depression) leading to a (still to this day) lonely, depressed me, looking for anything to make me feel something. It's a wonder I haven't started self harm although I guess scoffing entire packs of junk food is my version.

 

After a lifetime of having 1-2 people that I spend hours with discussing everything, every single day, the luxury is suddenly gone and in adulthood with a full time job, and people becoming less open to making new friends as they age, I can't see how it's possible to find the time to create another relationship like the cherished ones I had before.

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@blackfox 00

Friendships, relationships and  close contacts are fragile more than I used to realise. They can slip away like sand between our fingers.  We only realise when they are no more.

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1 hour ago, black fox 00 said:

This advice is a bit chiche. Nothing wrong with cliche but I question why it is suggested that it is insecure or weak to seek happiness from others. Imagine a world where you're the only human left alive, would you want to go on living? I know I wouldn't. If you ask me it's a fact that our happiness is reliant on other people.

Hi black fox ... and welcome to the Sheffield Forum community!

 

Being the only human alive would be a bit sucky, I agree. However, regarding seeking happiness from others...

 

I think when a person is naturally fulfilled, happy within themselves, with an abundance mentality, they're more inclined to think in terms of giving happiness to other people, and being open to recieving it back. That's very different to feeling an internal sense of lack, and needing other people to fill that hole in order for you to feel complete.

 

I'm striving for the former, and often I don't feel like I'm getting it. I can recall times, when I've felt a bit low, and desperate for other people to validate me; and feeling that way has never done me any favours, it's always left me feeling somehow disappointed, upset, confused, even more empty than before. It's not the other people, or seeking happiness from others so much, it's the needing them to fill something I (used to) feel is missing inside me. I think it's erroneous and dysfunctional to feel like there's something missing inside us.

 

Maybe that's all BS advice though, I'm pretty crap at social stuff and the relationship element of my life could certainly be better. I guess we're all on a learning curve. I certainly am.

 

Best wishes to you.

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I am 56 and for much of my adult life, I have been without a partner. I yearn for a close relationship with a person of the opposite sex, but I have never called myself lonely.

Maybe I am only half way through my life and someone will turn up soon. I don't know. I meet many more people these days, but older people seem to want to be on their own these days.

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On 18/05/2019 at 22:22, black fox 00 said:

 

After a lifetime of having 1-2 people that I spend hours with discussing everything, every single day, the luxury is suddenly gone and in adulthood with a full time job, and people becoming less open to making new friends as they age, I can't see how it's possible to find the time to create another relationship like the cherished ones I had before.

Hi Blackfox,  hope you are feeling a bit brighter today.

 

I just tried to send you a PM but it would appear your account preferences is set not to receive contact.

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Posted (edited)

You're right waldo good advice. Extremely difficult to get your head in the right place by yourself though I've found. 

 

And thanks janus I feel good today, its very up and down though

Edited by black fox 00

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21 minutes ago, black fox 00 said:

You're right waldo good advice. Extremely difficult to get your head in the right place by yourself though I've found. 

 

And thanks janus I feel good today, its very up and down though

Yes, can be difficult, that's for sure.

 

It's always better to be kind to yourself though, than to dwell in self-pity. Again, not always easy I know, but we keep trying eh!? One step, one day at a time kinda thing. :)

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Hi Laura,

 

I have recently lost a lot of my friends through being very involved in a very traumatic and upsetting relationship with someone with very severe mental health issues. If you ever want to meet up for a drink or a chat, you'd always be more than welcome to meet me. I am very friendly and easy going and I understand anxiety and mental health in a deeper way than most. The offer is always there if you'd like to make a new friend. 

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