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Generally speaking, care for Dementia is pretty much left to the family, and that may well mean giving up work to do it. Carers allowance is paid but it's a mere £60 a week, (and that is stopped off any benefits the ill person is getting, so they will be worse off.)

 

Buying in professional help is expensive and benefits won't cover it, and it won't be 24/7 but it will give you a break, and may be less expensive than giving up a job.

 

Can you get any compassionate leave while this is sorted out?

 

It's a national scandal.

Honestly, is it any wonder that desperate people leave their loved one's in hospital casualty and disappear, as the only way to get some help.

Edited by Anna B

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Generally speaking, care for Dementia is pretty much left to the family, and that may well mean giving up work to do it. Carers allowance is paid but it's a mere £60 a week, (and that is stopped off any benefits the ill person is getting, so they will be worse off.)

 

Buying in professional help is expensive and benefits won't cover it, and it won't be 24/7 but it will give you a break, and may be less expensive than giving up a job.

 

Can you get any compassionate leave while this is sorted out?

 

It's a national scandal.

Honestly, is it any wonder that desperate people leave their loved one's in hospital casualty and disappear, as the only way to get some help.

 

Finally, finally, finally managed to get a reaction from the GP surgery.

He would seek a GP referral.

Answer, an hour or so later - "Sorry. There are no respite beds available".

No response from Adult Care either, having left a voice mail earlier.

This is Day 4 of this farce.

If we left the bloke on his own, he wouldn't drink/eat/go to bed/take medication.

Frankly, he would die in a matter of days.

He literally doesn't know who or where he is.

This so-called system is broken.

It doesn't work, even when everybody's back after a bank holiday break.

You're right.

It is a national scandal.

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You are absolutely right Anna B. We should also spare a thought for this brave woman who is in her nineties and has been coping as the sole carer of her husband without support. The poor lady must be absolutely exhausted. So many carers become ill and die before the person they are caring for. Doesn't take a genius to work out why. Poor health in carers is well researched and known about yet the resources are not there to help them.

 

Perhaps the only thing the OP can do is to inform Social Services that the family are pulling out and the gentleman will be left alone. That will maybe force them to find a place for him - Safeguarding in Social Care.

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You are absolutely right Anna B. We should also spare a thought for this brave woman who is in her nineties and has been coping as the sole carer of her husband without support. The poor lady must be absolutely exhausted. So many carers become ill and die before the person they are caring for. Doesn't take a genius to work out why. Poor health in carers is well researched and known about yet the resources are not there to help them.

 

Perhaps the only thing the OP can do is to inform Social Services that the family are pulling out and the gentleman will be left alone. That will maybe force them to find a place for him - Safeguarding in Social Care.

 

Couldn't agree more Jomie, and it's far from uncommon to find old, ill people doing their best but struggling to look after other old, ill people. It's a toss up to see which one will crack up first.

 

And it's not as if the government doesn't know this is going on. They were even investigated by the EU, who brought out a lengthy report saying it was a scandal. The government suppressed it and ignored its findings. (The report is online, I'll have to see if I can find it.) It's not just the elderly but the disabled who are in dire straights with the government's new legislation and 'don't care' attitude.

 

This thread should be on the General Discussions page, not buried in this section where too few people will read it. It needs publicity and as many people as possible to realise what's going on.

 

Unfortunately none of this is going to help RiffRaff who must be at his wit's end.

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Couldn't agree more Jomie, and it's far from uncommon to find old, ill people doing their best but struggling to look after other old, ill people. It's a toss up to see which one will crack up first.

 

And it's not as if the government doesn't know this is going on. They were even investigated by the EU, who brought out a lengthy report saying it was a scandal. The government suppressed it and ignored its findings. (The report is online, I'll have to see if I can find it.) It's not just the elderly but the disabled who are in dire straights with the government's new legislation and 'don't care' attitude.

 

This thread should be on the General Discussions page, not buried in this section where too few people will read it. It needs publicity and as many people as possible to realise what's going on.

 

Unfortunately none of this is going to help RiffRaff who must be at his wit's end.

 

Totally agree or even the Sheffield one - someone might know something. Social services won't have a list of current vacancies of everywhere - it's left for relatives to ring round and round and round and round. As bleak as it sounds, vacancies pop up more in the winter.

 

I found the duty social worker useless "go to A &E if you're really worried" but that helps nobody, not the dementia sufferer, not the NHS. Contact social services and try and climb as high as you can to get a suitable care package sorted. If your GP is any good, they might offer help. If not, A&E. As you point out, you don't want two people cracking.

 

As an aside, he might need hospital treatment - a water infection can make dementia much, much worse.

 

EDIT. Found this, the head of Adult services. He's got an inbox. ail: phil.holmes@sheffield.gov.uk

 

Fill it.

 

Ring him too. 0114 2736751

 

We had to go through this with my dad (similar but not identical circumstances) - different council though.

Edited by tinfoilhat

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Good evening, all.

Out of interest, the original posting was pointed at the main Sheffield Discussions page, but was later moved to this little backwater by the overseers.

I'm not at my wit's end, but my wife almost certainly is - she's preparing for night no.4 in a chair, with laddo blissfully unaware of the trouble that's surrounding him.

When I left his house he was recounting the Lord's Prayer out loud...he remembers that for some unknown reason, as the last time he was in a church - to my knowledge - was 71 years ago, getting married.

I was also treated to his party piece - saying the entire alphabet backwards, faster than I can manage it the right way. How the hell he remembers it - not to query 'why'?! - is beyond me, as he has to ask umpteen times a day where the toilet is in a house that they've lived in for 48 years.

The good news is that a brilliant lady eventually rang from the adult care section, going through all the details (again!) before managing to (maybe) secure him a week's respite care at a home in Sheffield, starting tomorrow.

Certain info has to be faxed from the adult care outfit to the home, but once they've checked it out, we should be able to move laddo sometime tomorrow.

Thanks to all for the suggestions and views....you could possibly understand this happening in a so-called 3rd world country, but England, in the 21st century?

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That's good to hear RiffRaff I do hope it pans out for you all.

 

Dementia is such a strange illness that seems to manifest in any number of ways. But it really MUST be recognised as an bona fide illness in law, rather than just a product of old age, otherwise nothing will be done about situations like these, where people are allowed to keep kicking the problem down the road instead of dealing with it.

 

Please let us know how you get on.

Edited by Anna B

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**********

Edited by Jomie

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Thanks to the lady at the Adult Care section, we were finally able to place the old boy at a care home late on Wednesday.

Luckily the arrangement is open-ended, as his wife is still in the NGH, making slow progress. We've just heard that he's getting assessed by Social Services this coming Monday, which should help sort out the financial situation, which is a separate nightmare in itself.

I haven't visited since.

I can't.

He must be traumatised. Strange place, strange routines...he must be utterly confused and not a little terrified.

If I went he'd assume he was leaving, and would react badly when he found out that he wasn't. There would be absolutely no way of explaining the reason for him being there, as he was mistaking his daughter for his wife and therefore in denial that his wife was in hospital. Besides, even if the situation did make any sense to him, 10 seconds later he'd have forgotten and be in denial again.

Bless him, all the way there he kept asking if I was definitely waiting for him and taking him back home, and I, of course, continued to have to lie to him.

I haven't slept very well since.

It doesn't, as they say, rest easy on my shoulders.

Yes, there was/is no option, but I have to say that I'm not very proud of myself...

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You poor, poor man.

 

What can I say, except you have my utmost sympathy.

 

You have been through an awful lot and done your very best in an almost impossible situation, but I can understand your pain.

 

Can I suggest you talk to the people at the care home. You won't be the first to feel like this, and they will have come across this situation many times before. They may be able to help with some advice on how to proceed. I'm sure they will understand how you feel, and will also know how to settle your father and make him comfortable.

 

It may not be as bad as you think. Don't let an understandable but totally 'unnecessary feeling of 'shame' stand between you and your father.

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How is the situation, my grandparents Are in their nineties and my grandma cares for my grandad.

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Foxydebs - if you haven’t already done so, ask Social Services for a carers assessment as soon as possible. They might offer a telephone assessment but due to the age of your grandparents a home visit with the next of kin present would probably be better.

 

Your grandparents should be registered on the emergency carers scheme. They will receive a card with a telephone number on it. This can be used if gran becomes ill or dies suddenly and there is no one to take care of grandad. It is helpful because SSD will know that he is vulnerable and unable to look after himself. Having all the background information will enable them to act speedily. They might also be able to help with respite care and/or help in the home at the present time if family and friends are not able to assist.

 

Too late for grandad, but while gran is able, get Power of Attorney if possible.

Edited by Jomie

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