Why do people smash stuff up when frustrated or angry?

[Waldo 96]

People should take personal responsibility for their bad behaviours and not seek to minimise, rationalise or project responsibility onto others.

 

I agree. Is anyone doing that (minimise, rationalise or project responsibility onto others) though?

 

People who can’t are dangerous to be around.

 

Yep! Almost as dangerous as people who lack understanding and compassion!

[Bob Arctor 11]

It's simply a lack of self control.

 

Babies have tantrums, this is just the grown up version.

They should have learned better long ago and grown out of it.

They need to get a grip.

 

Some people have been on the receiving end of very poor parenting and haven't been helped to develop positive ways of dealing with situations that can provoke this sort of response, and end up carrying their childhood responses into adulthood. They need help, not to "get a grip". And there is no anger management therapy available in Sheffield most of the time. Mind sometimes run it but only infrequently and it's always over-subscribed.

[Waldo 96]

Some people have been on the receiving end of very poor parenting and haven't been helped to develop positive ways of dealing with situations that can provoke this sort of response, and end up carrying their childhood responses into adulthood. They need help, not to "get a grip". And there is no anger management therapy available in Sheffield most of the time. Mind sometimes run it but only infrequently and it's always over-subscribed.

 

Well said Bob.

 

Other people may not be so fortunate as ourselves, and we can take our own good fortune (our upbringing, the values and cognitive skills that our parents and education have instilled in us, that our parents made us feel loved and loveable) for granted. As such, when we look down on others (who are not so fortunate) or consider ourselves superior, we're not really considering the whole picture, or being fair, or at all helpful to someone who may be in need of help.

[Bob Arctor 11]

Well said Bob.

 

Other people may not be so fortunate as ourselves, and we can take our own good fortune (our upbringing, the values and cognitive skills that our parents and education have instilled in us, that our parents made us feel loved and loveable) for granted. As such, when we look down on others (who are not so fortunate) or consider ourselves superior, we're not really considering the whole picture, or being fair, or at all helpful to someone who may be in need of help.

 

It's worse than that; people who have been shown how to manage situations, been taught positive coping strategies and good decision making skills, often congratulate themselves on having these abilities as if they acquired them through their own hard work and innate superiority, when in the main they just got lucky with who their parents were.

[redted50 10]

I'm not sure if this is something everyone experiences or not; I suppose a lot depends on what frustrations you're exposed to in life, and how equipped (mentally) you are to process them (i.e. to clearly understand what's going on, why you're ****** off, and formulate an appropriate response).

 

It's happened to me a few times, and I know several friends have had the same; when you feel massively overwhelmed and angry and have these irrational impulses to lash out, break stuff, smash your hand in to the door, etc.

 

It's sheer madness of course, if you do smash your hand, you still have the exact same problem, but now you can enjoy it with a broken hand. Maybe the best strategy sometimes is to do nothing, allow everything to overwhelm you and let things pan out however they will, you're going to die anyway, right? So why struggle?

Yeah i know a few people like that.Never understood why they do it.My old next door neighbour once fetched me round to show me his new kitchen he’d had put in.A week later and a few beers later,has a bit argument with his missus and smashed it to smitherines. Lol

Why?

[Waldo 96]

It's worse than that; people who have been shown how to manage situations, been taught positive coping strategies and good decision making skills, often congratulate themselves on having these abilities as if they acquired them through their own hard work and innate superiority, when in the main they just got lucky with who their parents were.

 

Yep, I know exactly what you mean Bob.

 

The following links to a short story about privilege, which I think illustrates the point very well.

 

https://www.buzzfeed.com/nathanwpyle/this-teacher-taught-his-class-a-powerful-lesson-about-privil

 

---------- Post added 26-04-2018 at 00:20 ----------

 

Yeah i know a few people like that.Never understood why they do it.My old next door neighbour once fetched me round to show me his new kitchen he’d had put in.A week later and a few beers later,has a bit argument with his missus and smashed it to smitherines. Lol

Why?

 

I guess you'd really have to be in his head to fully understand; frustration I guess?

[Jomie 30]

Quote Bob Arctor: It's worse than that; people who have been shown how to manage situations, been taught positive coping strategies and good decision making skills, often congratulate themselves on having these abilities as if they acquired them through their own hard work and innate superiority, when in the main they just got lucky with who their parents were.

I don't see anyone being superior in this thread. Parents usually do their best when raising their children but they are only human and everyone makes mistakes. Nobody has the perfect childhood.

 

To a certain extent I can go along with the notion that this kind of behaviour is the product of nurture but if that is wholly the case then how come siblings do not always express anger/frustration in the same way? It's easy to pass the blame on to someone/something else but much harder to examine, and deal with it oneself.

[Chelle-82 10]

I'm not sure if this is something everyone experiences or not; I suppose a lot depends on what frustrations you're exposed to in life, and how equipped (mentally) you are to process them (i.e. to clearly understand what's going on, why you're ****** off, and formulate an appropriate response).

 

It's happened to me a few times, and I know several friends have had the same; when you feel massively overwhelmed and angry and have these irrational impulses to lash out, break stuff, smash your hand in to the door, etc.

 

It's sheer madness of course, if you do smash your hand, you still have the exact same problem, but now you can enjoy it with a broken hand. Maybe the best strategy sometimes is to do nothing, allow everything to overwhelm you and let things pan out however they will, you're going to die anyway, right? So why struggle?

 

Hahahaaa my Dad used to do that but with his head!

[Bob Arctor 11]

I don't see anyone being superior in this thread. Parents usually do their best when raising their children but they are only human and everyone makes mistakes. Nobody has the perfect childhood.

 

To a certain extent I can go along with the notion that this kind of behaviour is the product of nurture but if that is wholly the case then how come siblings do not always express anger/frustration in the same way? It's easy to pass the blame on to someone/something else but much harder to examine, and deal with it oneself.

 

That's why I said "In the main". There will always be exceptions and I don't believe that only nurture counts, but in 25 years of working with people with problems I have found that it is generally the case that people who were better parented do better. Which is obvious really, otherwise the abuse and neglect of children wouldn't be a problem.

[Jomie 30]

Quote Bob Arctor: .....but in 25 years of working with people with problems I have found that it is generally the case that people who were better parented do better.

This statement makes complete sense and is a sound reason why resources need to be given to helping people become better parents.