Is Rolf Harris a nice man?

[funkymiss 10]

Harris had recently been turned down by the BBC, for a children’s art programme; preferred, much to his chagrin, by the convivial and popular Tony Hart. I was used to seeing the nasty side of Harris but this snub by the BBC had made him the worst that I think I ever saw him. Driving him back from Broadcasting House he had ranted, at one point almost foaming at the mouth, shouting ‘I’m the daddy of children’s arts, that ******* Hart is going to be sorry for this.’ His mood grew steadily uglier throughout the day as he continually drank ‘Bundy’ rum and after several more outbursts he hurriedly convened a meeting of his closest allies, or the’Junta’ as he liked to call them, at the pub.

The ‘Junta’ consisted of Clive James, Paul Hogan, the sinister Barry Humphries accompanied by his ‘constant companion’ Jason Donavan and the acknowledged mastermind of Antipodean evil Dr Benaud, a man whose cold gaze from behind his pince-nez spectacles could send shivers down the spine of even the strongest man. It was decided that Hart had to be taught a lesson and removed from Children’s BBC- this became what is now infamously known in televisual history as the ‘Night of The Long Palette Knives’.

 

The Leibstandarte were dispatched along with Harris (by now hideously drunk), the thuggish Hogan and his para-militaries Combat 55 (the 5 stands for ‘E’ the fifth letter of the alphabet, in recognition of Edna Everidge) to launch an assault on Hart’s house and studio. The place was surrounded and I remember the chilling words of the callous Hogan when he said ‘At my signal unleash hell’. What followed was a savage attack as poster paints, crepe paper, toilet roll tubes, Rowney drawing pads and other art materials were thrown onto a pile and ceremoniously burnt. I thought to myself then ‘We’re burning artists materials now, we’ll soon be burning little plasticine people.’ Harris was like a man possessed during the attack jumping on empty cornflake packets, snapping pencils, intoxicated not just on the ‘Bundy’ but with the adrenalin of this orgy of wanton destruction- the look in his eyes epitomised pure evil.

 

Hart, understandably, was heartbroken and had to flee to safety claiming refugee status with an ITV company, he never worked I believe again for the BBC. I, sickened by the whole incident, fled Harris’s evil web and took up life under an assumed name two streets away from my old house (well I’d miss my local!). I had vowed never to reveal the intimate details of this shameful chapter of my life but I think now after 20 years it is time that the public know the truth behind these cuddly Australian personalities that grace our TV screens, the shadowy underground world that they occupy and their nefarious schemes.

 

Thanks for clearing this up Daverity. Like I said, I always enjoyed Tony's prog as a lass and I am sickened to hear of this ruthless attack perpetrated by Harris all those years ago. Just to think of my wide-eyed innocence as I enjoyed the show after school, blissfully unaware of the cruelty he suffered at the hands of Rolf breaks my heart.

[shoeshine 10]

Reply to artisan

 

It's obvious that it's written in Hipperholmese to me.......

 

I can't understand the posts coming from there either, most of the time

[deadheadfred 10]

My apologies. I was gargling with gravel at the time in an attempt to get rid of this throat infection.

 

I meant to say;

Viking,

Harris is a Welsh name, and I defy you to find evidence to the contrary. It is well known that, following the Battle of Oswestry, the English moved North to become Scots, The Scots moved East to become Danish, the Danes moved to Scotland, and the Welsh filled in all the remaining spaces (i.e. England).

[funkymiss 10]

Sorry, I just thought of Morph and got a lump in my throat. I expect he came between Harris and his palette knife in the merciless rampage. Now I know why he suddenly disappeared off our screens. I just knew that the 'Morph on 'SMart' in years later was a cheap imitation. He lacked that 'sparkle' Tony had given him. This is all getting a bit much now folks.....

[timo 10]

I referred earlier to Harris's cruel and twisted choice of holiday recreation; that of Pilot Whale culling in the Faroe Isles. Allegedly, Harris has a long history of partaking in cruel and sadistic 'holiday fun'. Again, my impeccable source [Mrs Betty Groin of the Ormskirk Advertiser] informs me that Harris has previously been sighted at Spanish 'Blood Festivals' where tethered animals are brutalised in the name of 'celebration '. Allegedly, Harris begged the Mayor of a small Spanish town to allow him to hurl a calf from the local church spire. Animal Rights activists claim that Harris enthusiastically joined in with the bull-running, pig-sticking, stoning of rabbits and chickens buried up to their necks and goat-hurling. 'The worst of it all', claims activist and student, Gideon Ben-Dover, 'was the sick 'Eefing and Arfing' while the animals were being battered'. Afterwards it is claimed that Harris treated the roaring, bloodthirsty Spanish crowds to an obscene version of 'Two little Boys', and performed a striptease dressed as 'Jake the Peg'. Allegedly, conditions of near- riot followed.

[shoeshine 10]

I regret my slight digression from this thread topic, timo, but the said Mrs. Betty Groin you mention as now being employed by the Ormskirk Advertiser rings a bell in the back of my mind.

 

I wonder if she could be the same Mrs. Betty Groin who worked as a Proof Reader for poorly sighted vagrants attracted to the Wines and Spirits Section of the Take-it With-You Store in the grounds of Roche Abbey, Maltby?

 

I realise the two industries are non-related, but she may now be, perhaps, Proof Reader at the O.A, Ormskirk..........

 

Just a thought

[artisan 10]

Reply to artisan

 

It's obvious that it's written in Hipperholmese to me.......

 

I can't understand the posts coming from there either, most of the time

Niether do I and I write half of them, while I am awake.

Some I think I do while I am in communication with a higher plane (maybe Shelf)

[timo 10]

Shoeshine,

Mrs Groin informs me that she was indeed formerly a Proof Reader for the Take-it-With- You shop. In actual fact, she juggled duties in the grounds of Roche Abbey with night-shifts at Maltby's Stanley Tools and weekend work at 'Abdul's Mini Market', Pitsmoor. So don't say I never tell you anything.

[shoeshine 10]

Shoeshine,

Mrs Groin informs me that she was indeed formerly a Proof Reader for the Take-it-With- You shop. In actual fact, she juggled duties in the grounds of Roche Abbey with night-shifts at Maltby's Stanley Tools and weekend work at 'Abdul's Mini Market', Pitsmoor. So don't say I never tell you anything.

 

I am so pleased timo.

 

I thought I had missed taking my Altzeimer's Pill last night......

 

or was it the night before or.......

 

Sorry, do I know you?

[Teabag 10]

Some of you people have waaaay too much time on your hands

[timo 10]

Why are you posting then, you insolent hot infusion of indian/chinese leaves?

[shoeshine 10]

I know who you are now.....that toga twirler from Southend.......mito, or omit ...........something like that.......