Is Rolf Harris a nice man?

[shoeshine 10]

cycleracer, before you pick up the oars to row to the Caribbean, could you please advise a very, very, very old gentleman, timo........and me as well if it comes to that, what a "jif" is.........

 

please send your answer in a plain envelope without a return address on the back.

 

Many thanks

 

Yours etc etc

[Cycleracer 10]

cycleracer, before you pick up the oars to row to the Caribbean, could you please advise a very, very, very old gentleman, timo........and me as well if it comes to that, what a "jif" is.........

 

please send your answer in a plain envelope without a return address on the back.

 

Many thanks

 

Yours etc etc

 

Come on Shoe, just say what you mean.

I've ( note apostrophy) missed an F off the end of Jiff.

 

Jiff meansa load of codswollop, its a word that Timo's to educated to understand, and its a Yorkshire term to so Timo will have problems knowing what it means being a Lancastarian for all these years.

[shoeshine 10]

I can honestly say cycleracer, that I have never heard the term before, and I'm a South Yorkshireman, but not a Sheffielder.

 

Strange how different dialect words can travel such short distances

[timo 10]

Cycleracer,

Harris is not so much an 'Antipodean Saddam' to use your phrase, but rather an Idi Amin of the Australaise. Unlike Amin, Saddam Hussein did not descend to the bestial, depraved level of cannibalism. Ask yourself this question; who was the fat, demented Ugandan despot's closest friend and adviser in the horrific years of his dictatorship? Rolf Harris. Harris, allegedly actively encouraged Amin to eat his slaughtered political opponents. Ex servants of Amin still talk in muted tones of the eery 'Eefing and Arfing' sounds that mingled with the harrowing screams of the tortured and rose from the basement. One particularly upsetting story involves the roasting alive of several outspoken critics of Amin's regime. Harris is said to have masterminded the sick spectacle, revelling in his celebrity and staging the horrorshow in the theme of a traditional Australian barbecue. Invited 'guests' were encouraged to affect Australian accents, don corked hats and quaff Fosters lager as the 'shrimps' were 'thrown on the Barby'.

[daverity 10]

Timo,

 

I’m saddened to see that a normally rational mind such as ‘Cycleracer’ has shown himself to be nothing more than an apologist for the demonic Harris.

The Simon Weisanthal Centre in Vienna, an organisation that of late has been faced with short-time working and the prospect of lay-offs has taken up the cudgel against Harris and some of the members of his ‘axis of evil’ I am led to believe. They are seeking to make the practice of ‘Harris denial’ a crime in itself and errants after trial by International Law subjected to some of the condign punishments served up by Harris himself, such as being ‘happy slapped’, I believe that is the current nomenclature, with a wobble board to within an inch of their miserable lives.

[daverity 10]

I’m very surprised that so far no mention has been made of Harris’s part in the shameful rebel cricket tour of 1977. Harris and the sinister Dr Benaud, were approached by the late Australian media tycoon Kerry Packer, to organise a breakaway tour of the then Apartheid South Africa. Harris’s scorn for the South African regime meant that he refused Packer’s invitation and embarked on organising his own rival tour. Harris, believing the regime of P.W Botha to be far too democratic and liberal, then oversaw the infamous series against the Cambodian President’s XI. Being a personal friend of the then leader of this South East Asian country, Pol Pot, he arrived with the tour squad in the capital Phnom Penh to a rapturous welcome. Pot himself was purportedly a keen cricket fan and rumoured to have been a competent middle order batsmen and possess a devilish leg break in his youth.

 

During the tour Harris and the Cambodian despot would, according to eye-witnesses, engage in net practice using human skulls instead of cricket balls and Harris was often heard to quip ‘Bet yer can’t do a flipper with one of those Pol me old mate’ . On non-playing days the two would, accompanied by two Thai lady-boys, take a boat up the Mekong River using automatic weapons to ‘bag a water buffalo for the barby’ or sightseeing in the ‘Killing Fields’. It was on one of these trips, whilst listening to the ‘Doors’ and heavily under the influence of opiates, that Harris penned the 1977 12 inch Cambodia re-mixes ‘Thai Mai Kangaroo Goes Down On Me Sport’ and ‘Two Little Thai Lady-Boys’.

 

All went seemingly well for the world’s unofficial roving ambassador of evil until tea on the third day of the second test at the Phnom Penh Oval. With the visitors enjoying a commanding lead over the Khmer Rouge XI, Harris decided to treat the local spectators to an example of his artistry. Armed with his trademark pots of paints and brushes, he made his way to the pavilion end of the ground and commenced painting one of his famous murals. He apparently had the crowd in stitches, occasionally shouting out in his pidgin Cambodian what he thought was ‘Can yer guess what it is yet?’ but what was in fact ‘the President likes to dress up as a French maid at weekends’.

 

Pot who had been visiting the sponsor’s hospitality tent during Rolf’s impromptu shenanigans emerged and seeing Harris daubing paint over the Pavilion End sightscreen and make lewd suggestions about his sexuality, immediately had the game abandoned. Harris and the whole tour party were promptly arrested and then immediately deported from the country as ‘persona non gratis’ due to their perceived counter revolutionary behaviour. To this date, amongst Cambodian society, the whole incident is often referred to in hushed and embarrassed tones. One leading luminary and Phnom Penh socialite was recently heard to say that the odious creature Gary Glitter’s behaviour in the country paled into insignificance compared to the shameful visit of the sociopathic and hedonistic Harris all those years ago.

[nick2 10]

Cor, it's like the Da Vinci Code, only interesting.

[viking 10]

Harris is a surname often found in the Principality of Wales.

I went to school with someone called Harris, And he wern't Welsh.

In fact he could hardly sing at all (So he might have been Welsh)

 

So there are some English people called Harris.

[shoeshine 10]

I went to school with someone called Harris, And he wern't Welsh.

In fact he could hardly sing at all (So he might have been Welsh)

 

So there are some English people called Harris.

 

viking, me owd matey, perhaps it has slipped your mind, but in 1789, at the height of the argy bargy of Revolution caused by one "Robespierre", to name just one, (Marat being in the bath at the time playing the risque game of "Find my Duck") the French peasants were encouraged to be more revolting than usual.

 

Part-time Day release classes in "How to be more Revolting" were organised at the Palace of Versailles (North Wing - Room 7).

 

The "Let them eat Cake" Queen Marie Antoinette took a last trolley ride to the party at Madame Guillotine's abode, accompanied by the first graduates of the North Wing - Room 7. During the revelry, with everyone consuming cake like it was going out of fashion, Marie had an argument with Madame Guillotine, got to blows and shortly afterwards, having lost the altercation, Marie was seen to stomp away in high dudgeon with her head tucked underneath her arm .

 

Meanwhile, the whole of the English Home Guard, (Dover, Brighton, Hove and Bournemouth Branches included) were on Channel watch, on the lookout for Le Scarlet Pimple and revolting French peasants.

 

Security of the "Homeland" (as someone else of note recently said) was paramount.

 

To ease the pressures on the British Army's commitments, the Drawbridge to Wales (near enough in modern times to where the Severn Bridge is now) was lowered and many Welshmen were allowed onto English soil for the first time in centuries.

 

By agreement with Owen Glyndwr, restrictions on immigration to England, from Wales, were limited to those Welshmen with the name of "Harris" with the additional qualification that they had to be able to show they couldn't sing for toffee.

 

Hence the Welsh connection and the fact that over the years England populated itself with the Welsh branch of the Harris family unfit for joining the choirs on "Songs of Praise" (Sundays BBC1 - bring your own hymn sheet).

 

I hope this explanation meets with you approval.

 

A few further notes, which I feel are apposite........

 

1) Louis XVI also partied at Madame Guillotine' abode and he too walked away with his head tucked underneath his arm! :o

 

2) Marat went in the bath in 1789, played the game of "Find my Duck" until 1793 when Charlotte Corday lost her place in the game and stabbed him to death. It took a long time to make a wrinkled coffin to suit his wrinkled winkle.

The moral of this story is

"Don't spend too long in the bath playing silly games, you'll get wrinkled or even worse.............."

 

3) The day release classes in "How To Be More Revolting" are still being run in France on a regular basis, with great success loads and loads of successful graduates. The French peasants are now more revolting than ever.

Whilst the venue for the classes moved many years ago to the Sorbonne, the very highest level graduates get to inhabit the old Alma Mater...The Palace of Versailles

 

My profuse apologies to the Thread starter, timo, for digressing off topic.

[deadheadfred 10]

I went to school with someone called Harris, And he wern't Welsh.

In fact he could hardly sing at all (So he might have been Welsh)

 

So there are some English people called Harris.

 

Viking , Harris ydy Cymraeg enwa , a Beiddia 'ch at ca braw at 'r 'n groes. Dydy bydew 'n hysbys a , yn canlyn 'r Brwydra chan Croesoswallt , 'r Saesneg chwimiedig Gogledd at d Albanwyr , 'r Albanwyr chwimiedig Ddwyrain at d Danish , 'r Danes chwimiedig at Alban, Yr , a 'r Cymraeg llanwedig i mewn pawb 'r yn aros blyciau ( fi e. England).

[artisan 10]

Viking , Harris ydy Cymraeg enwa , a Beiddia 'ch at ca braw at 'r 'n groes. Dydy bydew 'n hysbys a , yn canlyn 'r Brwydra chan Croesoswallt , 'r Saesneg chwimiedig Gogledd at d Albanwyr , 'r Albanwyr chwimiedig Ddwyrain at d Danish , 'r Danes chwimiedig at Alban, Yr , a 'r Cymraeg llanwedig i mewn pawb 'r yn aros blyciau ( fi e. England).

It says in the rules that posts should be in English. This appears to written in ancient norse runes :-)

[deadheadfred 10]

It says in the rules that posts should be in English. This appears to written in ancient norse runes :-)

It is English, providing you take account of the migration factor.