Advice please- Relationship

[Mister M 1,625]

Dilemmas like these are interesting in how they show how different people are.... If someone was putting the pressure on or blackmailing me to marry, I would have no hesitation in saying no. I value my independence so I know that I can't be hooked in by someone that way.

 

I just can't understand if two people are together, and presumably in love, why one partner would threaten to split up if the other partner doesn't agree to marry them. It's almost like cutting off your nose spite your face

[Bob Arctor 11]

Dilemmas like these are interesting in how they show how different people are.... If someone was putting the pressure on or blackmailing me to marry, I would have no hesitation in saying no. I value my independence so I know that I can't be hooked in by someone that way.

 

I just can't understand if two people are together, and presumably in love, why one partner would threaten to split up if the other partner doesn't agree to marry them. It's almost like cutting off your nose spite your face

 

The main lesson I've taken from this life so far is that other people are just weird

[x-GiGgLeS-x 10]

Maybe he wants some kind of commitment shown.

But i dont think after only a year you should

[UK1Quest 10]

uhmm. isn't the answer obvious?

[Michael_J 10]

Well, given the fact that you are already engaged, shouldn't you have already accepted that you'll get married eventually? I mean, you said 'yes' when he proposed, so it's a given there should be a wedding at some point. Something must be forcing him to make a comment such as that, so I'd suggest talking it out. Maybe it's pressure from his family or something else. However, I have to agree that even if he has good intentions behind that enquiry, the wording he has used is completely and utterly horrible. This is not a proper way to be treating your future spouse. So in the end of the day, the decision is entirely up to you - if you think that the prospects of a future life with him will make you unhappy - just don't go through with the potential wedding and dissolve the engagement. If you, however, decide that you love him and relish the thought of you two growing old together, then you should probably get married. There won't be a significant change in your lives after all, just because your relationship status went from 'engaged' to 'married' in the eyes of your friends, family, or anyone else close to you.

 

Whatever you decide to go, keep us posted. I personally would like to hear from you again when you have resolved your issue.

 

Michael

[Justin Smith 10]

My boyfriend has asked me to marry him, he's a great man but he wants to get married this year but I'm not ready

 

Help what do I do?

 

He has said pick a date or we're done

 

You don`t have to answer these questions, they`re more for you.

How long have you been seeing him ?

Why in particular does he want to get married this year ?

Does he want kids ? Do you want kids ? If so how old are you, leaving it too long is a bad idea. Marriage and kids go together, or should do, particularly if you have a boy. Forget political correctness, just look at the statistics.

 

---------- Post added 05-04-2017 at 13:37 ----------

 

Maybe he wants some kind of commitment shown.

But i dont think after only a year you should

 

Not sure about that. My wife and I got married just over a year after meeting, and we`re still together 13 years later. And we`re definitely not splitting up now : one we`ve got a child, and two, it`d cost too much money ! !

[ihpb 10]

You gave the answer as not being ready so tell him that. If he does finish with you it wasn't love, more like a passport or something. Men have many ways of manipulating and controlling women and this is just one of the tactics.

[wassyole 10]

Engagement is as far as it should go nower days in my opinion.. It's like a religion really :s

[jane91 10]

I've been struggling in my current relationship and we keep falling out and issues etc, We have now go to the point of sit down and talk it out, my concerns are: -

 

He wants marriage and pushed me into accepting

 

He's bitter about the past with his relationships and jobs

 

He's really Mardy

 

His kids drive me crazy as he over compensates for them

 

He's a big child and behaves like one

 

I have many faults

 

I'm a control freak

 

I cant stand mess

 

I like a man to be a man at certain times

 

I like to chill and relax - he likes to go out

 

we are opposite on most things and i do care deeply about this man but the more we argue the less i feel

 

help

[Hogg 10]

He is bitter, bad tempered and childish. Why would you want to marry this git? He won't stop being bitter, bad tempered and childish, he will get worse. He probably wants to get married quickly because he realises the more you get to know him the less there is to like. Move on, there are plenty of decent blokes out there, who don't take their past failures and bad temper out on their partners.

[Obelix 11]

I've been struggling in my current relationship and we keep falling out and issues etc, We have now go to the point of sit down and talk it out, my concerns are: -

 

He wants marriage and pushed me into accepting

 

He's bitter about the past with his relationships and jobs

 

He's really Mardy

 

His kids drive me crazy as he over compensates for them

 

He's a big child and behaves like one

 

I have many faults

 

I'm a control freak

 

I cant stand mess

 

I like a man to be a man at certain times

 

I like to chill and relax - he likes to go out

 

we are opposite on most things and i do care deeply about this man but the more we argue the less i feel

 

help

 

Your first line is enough to not marry and have done. That emotional blackmail and it's not healthy and will likely carry on through the relationship.

 

You deserve better I suspect. Dump him.

 

---------- Post added 09-05-2017 at 12:09 ----------

 

He is bitter, bad tempered and childish. Why would you want to marry this git? He won't stop being bitter, bad tempered and childish, he will get worse. He probably wants to get married quickly because he realises the more you get to know him the less there is to like. Move on, there are plenty of decent blokes out there, who don't take their past failures and bad temper out on their partners.

 

This too. In spades. He sounds like a git. You deserve better.

[barleycorn 10]

I've been struggling in my current relationship and we keep falling out and issues etc, We have now go to the point of sit down and talk it out...

The time for that was several months ago when you started this thread. Go ahead and talk it out with him but I suspect, in the long run, nothing will change. The guy sounds like a bit of a tit, I'd just dump him and move on, find someone better.