Dating sites. Tinder bad experience.

[999tigger 10]

 

Bit late to this, but TINDER??????? Really

 

 

You do realise thats what its designed for and what a very high % of people use it for?

Lesson you are using the wrong app opr wrong approach if you expected anything different.

 

You fell in way too quickly and should exercise more caution or you are goibng to get played.

 

You were lucky in a way because at least he showed he had a conscience and felt guilty. You dont know how much he played you or just decided you were too vulnerable. You might have come on far too strong and been far too open.

 

Waste of time crying and you need to toughen up because you might meet a bad one next time. You need to be able to protect yourself, they arent all bad. Learn from the experience.

 

If youve been in a 14 year abusive relationship then it comes across as though you need to do some self healing before you start dating again, so you have that extra confidence and you cna look after yourself. Clearly all the abuse has taken its toll on you and bad experiences will just reinforce any of the abusive rubbish your ex tried to condition you with. I would go for self healing and building up your confidence/ self esteem, then go dating when you know you can cope with it.

[spilldig 188]

If you sit drinking water then yes.

 

Crookedspire suggests getting out and meet real men. I'm guessing he means men you can see, smell and brush past. Otherwise it's nonsense, real men exist on dating sites...it's convenient. I've met some fantastic women on dating sites over the years. Why didn't we click you may ask? Well lots of reasons which I won't go into.

 

All depends on how savvy/thick skinned you are. How long you've been single and make sure you talk over the phone different times of the day. I can sniff a liar a mile off.

 

It's not worked for you then, has it ? Unless you want to meet many people rather than meet and settle with one person. It depends what you are aiming for ?

It did sound as if the OP was looking for a permanent relationship.

Edited October 5, 2016 by spilldig

[crookedspire 10]

If you sit drinking water then yes.

 

Crookedspire suggests getting out and meet real men. I'm guessing he means men you can see, smell and brush past. Otherwise it's nonsense, real men exist on dating sites...it's convenient. I've met some fantastic women on dating sites over the years. Why didn't we click you may ask? Well lots of reasons which I won't go into.

 

All depends on how savvy/thick skinned you are. How long you've been single and make sure you talk over the phone different times of the day. I can sniff a liar a mile off.

 

My experience of such sites tell me more often that not its just about one night stands and fake profiles . On such sites anyone can be anything but if you see them you get what you see.

[whitewitch 10]

I was in an abusive relationship some years back and it is true, an abusive partner really can do a number on you!

 

What you need to do is find yourself. You need to surround yourself with positive people, you need to sing and laugh and dance and be happy in your own skin.

 

One day when you are happily laughing and dancing on your own someone will notice you and that person may just be the best thing to ever happen to you and it'll work out because they will be WORTHY of your time x

 

After being in an abusive relationship myself many years ago I couldnt have said it better. You need time to repair yourself, the mental abuse for me was probably the hardest to overcome, years later I still suffer from low self esteem, it sounds like you have some really good friends, get out there & have fun.

[vwkittie 10]

I don't think Tinder is the best place to be, it's free and from what I understand mostly based around looks so it's likely full of muppets.

 

There's nothing wrong with meeting people online, I met my partner of 10 years online.... but it wasn't through a dating site it was a shared interest forum (not this one!)

 

Perhaps if you have any particular interests or hobbies, that would be a better way to go to find someone decent who has something in common with you than dating sites.

[alchresearch 214]

My experience of such sites tell me more often that not its just about one night stands and fake profiles . On such sites anyone can be anything but if you see them you get what you see.

 

Which is exactly the same as meeting someone in person.

 

Sites like eHarmony do all they can to try and guide you into long discussions online before meeting, and their higher than average costs do filter out those looking just for one night stands - they tend to use Tinder, PlentyofFish and the like.

 

The only other downside is there's nothing to stop someone using out of date photos in their profile. Its always surprising to see a photo of someone, then when you meet you find they're suddenly aged 15 years, or gained a dozen stone in weight!

[andyankh 10]

So after leaving a 14 year abusive relasionship a few months ago where I have been hit, mentally tortured, financially abused and cheated on with prostitutes my freinds thought it would be a good idea to get back out dating. I was hesitant but decided to give it a go. I downloaded tinder and got swiping. It took alot of courage to set my profile up after years of being told your fat, your ugly and no man would ever want you and your no good to any man amongst other things.

 

Anyway a guy matched with me and messaged me. We hit it off straight away and he asked me to go on a date at the weekend. I agreed and we kept chatting day and night for the next few days mesaages were always from him in a morning so I can't be accused of being to much. The chemistry was really there and we clicked really well. He couldn't wait for Saturday night and neither could I.we had chatted so long it felt like we already new each other and we had both told each other personal things like insecurities about body etc etc. I never told him about the abusive relasionship only the cheating. He told me everything a girl wants to hear and really made me feel alive again I was like a giddy teenager. He offered his phone number so we could chat by whattsapp and we did.

 

We arranged to meet at 6pm on the Saturday and go for a meal and drinks. I was really poorly but didn't want to dissapoint him by cancelling so had a sleep and some tablets and took my daughter to her nans. My daughter was excited for me and wished me luck. for the last few days hours he had been counting down saying hiw long till we met (2 sleeps etc ) and through the day ee were meeting he was sending messages saying how many hours etc. He sent a message saying he would be setting off in half an hour. I was running late as I'd been to have my nails done and messaged him to say i was getting ready quickly. To which I got this reply......

 

"Don't Lisa. I can't meet you. It would only be about one thing and I don't want to hurt you. I know I'm disappointing you and I'm sorry for that but I'd rather do it now, than in a few weeks and hurt you.

I'm so so sorry"

 

This was 40 minutes before I was to meet him and I just stood in the bathroom gobsmacked my stomach went all funny and I was in disbelief! I read it again and simply replied "ok" and then I asked why he had been so cruel to which he just replied "i'm so so sorry" and then blocked meon whattsapp and on tinder. Just like that gone!

 

I got in the shower and started to cry and spent the next hour sobbing in to my glass of wine uncontrollably whilst talking to my freinds that new via text. I rang one close friend who didn't even know I was going on the date and had to explain all this to her whilst crying like a baby. I felt like such a fool. I got dressed anyway (still crying) and got in taxi to the pub where my freinds were (still crying) and spent the first hour crying!

 

I got stupidly drunk and danced the night away with freinds untill I crashed in my bed at 5.30am (not crying).

 

I don't handle hang overs very well and with the cold on top I've been a blubbering mess all day wondering what I've done to deserve all this and even considered that my ex partner was right about me. I'm still feeling sorry for myself I just don't seem to be able to find my strength today. My daughter has issue's surrounding the abuse her father also subjected her to (mentally) and I'm usually her rock and today she's had to watch me sob all day. This is the first time I've cried for the loss of my relasionship and maybe it needed to come out. Even though he was a <removed> he was a big part of my life and I need to grieve that loss.

 

Tommorow I will brush myself off and carry on as normal. I'm in my final year of nursing at the moment and my uni freinds are fantastic they said he probably wasn't being honest about his photos and he was no oil painting anyway (their opinion not mine but made me laugh.

 

I guess my point in writing this is that you never know what's going on in someone's head. He had no idea how brave id had to be to leave that relasionship and to consider dating again and I had no idea he was just wanting a <removed> buddy (I should give him my ex number he knows some good places in attercliffe ) or what ever else was going on.

 

I'm always mindful of what I say and do to people and I never expected that to happen and I feel so foolish.

 

I wonder if this sort of thing is a regular occurrence on these sites not that I'll be finding out I'm done with the whole idea of it now I'm clearly not ready and can't cope with hurt. I'm going to carry on being a mum to 3 girls and repairing the damage done from the relasionship.

 

I am glad however he did tell me and not lead me on.

 

Moan over and thanks for reading.

 

Date me instead ;)

[Ghostrider 11]

Some of the women on dating sites are just as bad. Just looking for their next night out and a free meal - They are the only ones I seem to find, lol

 

I may just give up and start collecting cats

[El Cid 220]

Some of the women on dating sites are just as bad. Just looking for their next night out and a free meal - They are the only ones I seem to find, lol

 

I may just give up and start collecting cats

 

I am not sure if I have given up. I like women and always will. I cannot believe being on your own is the right thing, I have a dog who I love, much better than cats

[Ghostrider 11]

I am not sure if I have given up. I like women and always will. I cannot believe being on your own is the right thing, I have a dog who I love, much better than cats

I live on the top floor "The Penthouse"

Due to this, im not allowed cats or dogs, so have to make due with my pet snakes.....antisocial buggers

[GLASGOWOODS 10]

It's not worked for you then, has it ? Unless you want to meet many people rather than meet and settle with one person. It depends what you are aiming for ?

It did sound as if the OP was looking for a permanent relationship.

 

Depends what you're looking for. For me it was just dating- 'let's see how things go' kinda attitude,which suits both parties. I split up in February of this year after a 3 year relationship with someone I met on Match.Com. I then went on several dates until September when I met a lovely woman whom im now in a relationship with. As an aside, I don't recall any date who expected me to pay for everything. Keep it simple, a few drinks early bar, so you can actually hear each other speaking. If things are going well extend it into the night. I'd never go for a meal first date, sit beside them and not opposite...you can read body language much better this way.

[tinfoilhat 11]

Depends what you're looking for. For me it was just dating- 'let's see how things go' kinda attitude,which suits both parties. I split up in February of this year after a 3 year relationship with someone I met on Match.Com. I then went on several dates until September when I met a lovely woman whom im now in a relationship with. As an aside, I don't recall any date who expected me to pay for everything. Keep it simple, a few drinks early bar, so you can actually hear each other speaking. If things are going well extend it into the night. I'd never go for a meal first date, sit beside them and not opposite...you can read body language much better this way.

 

Be harder for them to throw a drink at you at the very least!