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The Battle of the Borders

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Shining with triumphant glow

I gaze upon my vanquished foe

reflecting on the sweat and pain

that left him there so soundly slain.


I’d stood aside for far too long

and watched the beast grow broad and strong

but sometimes when the cause is right

a man must take up arms and fight,

reject the weak defeatist talk

and wield the mighty garden fork

to slay the brute that I shall dub

The All Engulfing Monster Shrub.


Unchallenged now for years unknown

and menacingly overgrown,

it triumphed here for half an age -

the Ghengis Khan of foliage.


And so I launched my vengeful raid

with loppers, fork and trusty spade.

With branches slashed much ground was gained,

but still the knotted trunk remained.

I plunged into the sturdy brute

dismembering its tangled root.

My anger rage and hate released

I sliced and hacked the stubborn beast

but even with its guts revealed

this creature simply would not yield.


Hour on dogged hour we fought

but all my efforts came to nought.

Weary and frustrated now,

a sheen of sweat upon my brow,

I briefly thought of sweet retreat

but spurned ignoble vile defeat

and summoned one last killer blow

to finish off my stubborn foe.

I heaved and heard a mighty crack

then turned the b****** on its back.




Disinterred and dying there

its roots now reach for nought but air

like creepy crawly feelers stilled

as if some monstrous bug I’d killed.


I lean upon my blade and rest

my foot upon its conquered chest.

I doubt that you will ever see

a man as brave and strong as me.


I may erect upon this plot

a stone to venerate this spot

to mark that noble day I slew

the shrub that simply grew and grew.

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