Advice please for cancer sufferer's wife

[tiffy 10]

Hi, as the title suggests I'm looking for help for the wife of a cancer sufferer (brain) . He's had his chemo and radiotherapy treatment which has left him very unsteady on his legs which they say is due to bone weakness. He hasn't lost much hair yet but his memory and speech are the main problems for him.

His wife seems unable to cope and it's causing a lot of concern. She left work to look after him but now keeps wanting to go out either drinking, dining or shopping. One day at home and she's climbing the walls. She used to be such a loving, caring wife but now all she wants is to push him into a care home.

Any help with transportation or requests to visit them at home are very welcome but then she uses them as a means to escape. Visitors have sat waiting for her often very late return before leaving.

Any other advice is not appreciated and people offering dietary advice or ideas for something to occupy his time have been snubbed or practically insulted.

She refuses to have any carers but there's a real worry about his diet which is comprised of anything from a tin or a sandwich. Sometimes he looks defeated or teary and I'd welcome any advice or information on possible avenues of help.

[Orangepip 10]

How awful for him, can't McMillan help.

I know it must be hard for them both it was when my mum died, maybe she's not coping or is in denial.

He should be getting some support and advice through professional services

[tiffy 10]

They were such a close couple so it's awful to see them this way. Their daughter is having to sort a lot out at the same time as working and it's not good for her either.

I've looked on a few websites including macmillan but as I said his wife gets annoyed for some reason.

She wants him in care so she can visit. She constantly says she can't cope but he's really not that bad. He can walk and talk and often makes meals or drinks when really she should.

Oh there's something else, she regularly stays in bed until after lunch. Do you think this is denial?

[woggle 10]

Is he able to make his own decisions, if not and the mental capacity act comes into play she and his health professionals should be making decisions in his best interest to get him some care.

If not, and he can make these choices for himself, if he is offered care he should accept it

[froger 10]

I would keep a very close eye on her. I think she could be heading for a breakdown.

[Lex Luthor 10]

I would keep a very close eye on her. I think she could be heading for a breakdown.

 

Or at least, there are signs she may be mentally 'fragile' at the moment, which, in the circumstances isn't surprising.

 

Could you phone MacMillan for some advice?

 

As far as food goes, I've seen people at the Crosspool tavern buy two carveries and take one away for someone who is housebound, I wonder if it would be an option for someone to take the wife for lunch to cheer her up, and take a lunch home for her husband?

Edited May 2, 2016 by Lex Luthor

[tzijlstra 11]

As mentioned, please get in touch with MacMillan (on behalf of) it sounds like it is a volatile situation that needs immediate care. Alternatively it might be worth contacting a local hospice for advice.