Dear Forum.. Would you stay with your partner?

[Dear Forum... 10]

I don't know what to do any more, please help.

 

I've been with my partner a while and we've had lots of normal experiences, good and bad including arguments, but now I don't know what to do.

 

We've been through a lot together, custody battles, deaths, family births etc, even accusations of infidelity through messaging other people. I just don't know if there is anything there any more.

 

My partner doesn't appear to understand my feelings on things at all and doesn't discuss things with me, doesn't try to help me with my feelings about this or anything and is very stubborn about this. My partner's family don't like me and make this plain.

 

Now I'm not sure if we should stay together because I don't know whether I love my partner how I used to. My partner doesn't takes my feelings into consideration with anything and I'm really fed up about it.

 

The big problem is that there are children involved. The children are not ours together, but both of us have children who we need to consider with all of the upheaval and upset if we do split.

 

Because of everything we've been through I feel like I should try and make things work, but I'm tired and getting nothing back from the relationship and that makes me not feel like I want to try.

 

I've tried to get my partner to listen and to talk but it's just not happening so please don't suggest that, but what should I do?

[medusa 16]

I don't think that anybody else can tell you what to do in these circumstances.

 

I'd certainly spend some time making a pros/cons list of being single or being in a partnership, keeping it going for long enough to allow all of the things you want to think about to come to the surface too. The list is not an answer, but it does inform you when taking the decision.

 

Of course, it's easier to do nothing and stay with the status quo than it is to make a change. We resist changes in all sorts of ways because humans are creatures of habit, but that doesn't mean that changes aren't necessary sometimes. IMO the threshold of whether the change should happen in this instance is not whether you would be happier single, but whether being single would open up your world to the potential of a relationship which is more rewarding and balanced for you and your needs as well as those of your partner.

 

I don't think that there is such a thing as a 'perfect' relationship for everybody, so the decision is about whether you wish to damage what you have now against a possibility of a future relationship that may or may not be more productive than what you have now, not a certainty (just to make it all easier).

 

I wish you luck in deciding your way forwards.

[x-GiGgLeS-x 10]

What happens when you talk to your partner and how does your partner feel about it?

[ANGELFIRE1 10]

We are only here once (despite what the bible bashers tell us) so do what would make you and the children happy, it's the only way forward. Too late in another twenty years to wish you had made a different decision. Good luck whatever you choose to do.

 

Angel1.

[Marx 10]

Can you afford (financially) to live apart for a while but try and build your relationship without being on top of each other? It might also provide your partner with a (much needed by the sound of it) reality check.