My 15 yr old has run away

[El Cid 212]

Not only is she missing an education, but she's never going to hold down a job later in life if she feels she can be absent.

 

 

She is a spoilt individual, and claims to be unhappy and hates school; altho she is on target for all A grades, bar one.

The 'friend' has now taken my daughter to her mums. She seems to hate me; when we last met at school, the mentor could not believe my daughters upset at just a little falling out with her dad, she asked her a few times, is there something else.

I have believed for some years that my ex has given my daughter a negative opinion of me, and for some reason it is ingrained in my daughters inner thoughts.

[999tigger 10]

She is a spoilt individual, and claims to be unhappy and hates school; altho she is on target for all A grades, bar one.

The 'friend' has now taken my daughter to her mums. She seems to hate me; when we last met at school, the mentor could not believe my daughters upset at just a little falling out with her dad, she asked her a few times, is there something else.

I have believed for some years that my ex has given my daughter a negative opinion of me, and for some reason it is ingrained in my daughters inner thoughts.

 

Who has the custody order? If its you, then your rights as a parent.

 

Do you want her to live with you?

 

Does the mother want her?

[El Cid 212]

Who has the custody order? If its you, then your rights as a parent.

 

 

My ex had custody, I went to court years ago, and lost, but got weekends and more, because my ex has issues about being able to cope.

When my daughter was 12, she came to live with me, because she couldnt take any more arguments with her mother.

[999tigger 10]

Well it would seem she gets to decide. No idea what daughter might tell her. If you are on talking terms then contact her and just let her know whats going on.

 

It may be after a few weeks the arguments start again and she wants to come back to live with you. You did right by rying to sort it using the school as mediators. 80% is not enough, being on course doesnt guarantee you will get the grades and at only 14 she has a long way to go. If you wnat to talk to someone then try the parentline helpline.

 

http://www.familylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/confidential-helpline/

[El Cid 212]

She has now packed her bags and left home, gone to mums. I do not support what she has done, so I will not be giving anyone money to pay for her day to day expenses.

It will not work, her mum will be in tears within days. I will phone social services tomorrow, so they can keep an eye on things. My guess is that she will want to go back to her best friends house.

[Sierra 22]

I've been following this thread and I am sorry to read that your daughter chose to go live with her mum.

 

If it's any consolation, this will backfire big time on your ex. A friend of mine had the same problem with her stepdaughter. The girl's biological mother (Dad had physical custody) constantly interfering, undermining my friend and the girl's father, giving her a "secret" cellphone, letting her run amok during her visitation, etc.

 

Long story short, the girl is now in her late twenties, married and a mother herself. She has ZERO contact with her bio mom and a very good relationship with her father and stepmother. It took becoming a parent herself to realize who really loved her, tried to raise her right and had her best interests at heart.

 

Your girl will not always be 15, and your ex will not always hold sway over her the way she does now. She's flexing her muscles and trying to find her place in the world. She's enjoying being the center of a drama and the attention that goes with it.

 

I feel you are a loving and concerned father who wants what's best for his child. Just keep the door and lines of communication open and be there for her when she crashes. Teenagers don't understand how being reckless in the moment can mess up your life for a long time.

 

Best of luck to you, El Cid.

[Zamo 10]

She has now packed her bags and left home, gone to mums. I do not support what she has done, so I will not be giving anyone money to pay for her day to day expenses.

It will not work, her mum will be in tears within days. I will phone social services tomorrow, so they can keep an eye on things. My guess is that she will want to go back to her best friends house.

 

Our daughters sounds very alike. They love playing parents off against each other and it can be especially effective when they are not getting on! It must be even more effective when the parents are no longer together. Why not try and meet the ex to discuss and see if you can agree a plan to stop the manipulation and emotional blackmail? She must be as fed up as you.

 

She has basically said that if you try to tell her what to do (spend less time on the phone) then she will punish you by leaving. She is trying to take control and neither you nor your ex should stand for it. You should both agree to limiting her time on the phone and both tell her that if she improves her school attendance and maintains her (forecast) grades then you'll consider lifting the restriction. You should also both say that the restriction will start in two weeks because you are having the phone off her for that long for the grief she has caused!

 

Bloody kids... I feel like a drink and she isn't even my kid!!