The answer to Sheffield's transport problems?

[Alcoblog 10]

Unless you've been rendered bereft of your senses recently by toxic exhaust fumes, you'll have noticed that Sheffield City Council are warning people not to drive diesel powered vehicles due to the way in which they un-hygienically poison the atmosphere with their deadly poisonous vapours.

Although still in the early stages of this campaign, it won't be long before heavy fines and even slightly harsher penalties like the death sentence, or worse still, banishment to Parsonia will be dished out without so much as by your leave to drivers of the DERV discipline (even people found just sitting inside one will be severely chastised, and of course, fined!).

At the same time, diesel guzzling buses will obviously be banned in keeping with the Council's 'green' policy.

 

Of course, we all know too how cyclists are crying out for more pedal bike lanes. We've seen on this very forum how passionate bicyclists are about getting their own way, to the expense of every other road user.

So … no buses, no taxis, hardly any cars, and pedallers crying out for road supremacy. Something needs to be done … but what?

 

Well … that's the problem I've been not only been thinking about, but actually working on for a considerable amount of time now, here at Area 51 and a Half.

 

Ladies and gentlemen … I give you … the 'Pelathon-Pedl'™® cycle bus!

 

This thirty-five seater, eleven wheeled pedal bus has everything going for it … even the name itself! Just like Lidl and Hudl, the Pedl™® trendily ends in 'dl'!

 

On top of that cunning wordplay, with the Pedl™® being somewhere in the magnitude of being eighteen foot wide, the Pelathon-Pedl™® will make it virtually impossible for any remaining car drivers to overtake. Bazinga!

 

Conventional pedalissimos will love this machine also, due to the tightly compacted seat configuration (hence, the name!). Whoop-whoop!

 

Old bus lanes will become 'Pedl™® lanes' overnight at no cost, and due once again to the majestic eighteen foot wheelspan, only the edges of the road and the middle need to be re-surfaced. Wham-bam!

 

Here's the tech spec of the Pelathon-Pedl™® for the boffins amongst you …

 

FRAME …

The main frame of this machine is constructed from a super-lightweight, high-tensile polymerised alloy which, as if by legerdemain, has been specially invented by my goodself by combining aluminium baking-foil with offcuts of semi-transparent Lycra bicyclists trousers/underpants. This super-metal is called 'Bacolyke' … you heard it first here folks!

 

POWERTRAIN …

A fully-manual, clutchless, three-speed Sturmey-Archer gearbox powered by the longitudinally placed Pedl™® driver.

 

BRAKES …

Irrelevant. With a top speed of around four and a half MPH, I feel the weight-gain advantage of not fitting brakes easily outweighs any mechanical stopping power. Rubber soled shoes are advised.

 

SAFETY FEATURES ...

A bell.

A light.

 

 

Although the Pelathon-Pedl™® is not actually built yet, it's pretty close. Just a couple of niggly little problems to iron out. Obviously, this machine will take the World by storm, so I need to sort out mass production, as well as some legal bits and bobs.

Also, if anyone knows beardy Bradley Wiggins phone number, I'd be grateful … it'd be a promotional blockbuster to see him as the first Pedl™® bus driver for Sheffield (especially fully laden up Jenkins Hill!).

 

As you can see, I've thought of everything … or have I?

[Vegas1 10]

I'd rather ride the device that Mr Garrison created in South Park

[gluedtopc 10]

No doubt there'll be room for an Alcocopter landing pad??

[Mr Bloke 1,445]

It's a nice idea Mr Alco, but it'll never catch on with the serious cyclist aficionados for the following reasons:

 

1. it's too wide to be ridden on the footpath

 

2. at a top speed of four and a half mph it'll never be quick enough to jump the red traffic lights.

[Alcoblog 10]

No doubt there'll be room for an Alcocopter landing pad??

No, separate thread that ... the 'Gossamer-Pedl Albatross' will be making it's maiden flight sometime later in the year. Capable of carrying up to thirty seven cyclists at a cruising height of 97,000 ft.

 

---------- Post added 11-05-2015 at 19:39 ----------

 

It's a nice idea Mr Alco, but it'll never catch on with the serious cyclist aficionados for the following reasons:

 

1. it's too wide to be ridden on the footpath

 

2. at a top speed of four and a half mph it'll never be quick enough to jump the red traffic lights.

No need for traffic lights ... that's the beauty of it. There'll be nothing else on the road.

 

Amey may want to consider a pavement widening scheme though.

[Bludragonfly 10]

Why not go for http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Party_bike as an alternative so everyone gets some exercise and the 'bar' could serve healthy meals

[david12656 10]

no dont bother we can all drive cars

no buses no cyclists no pedestrians

then no one will get anyplace

[1978 14]

Great idea, but in the mornings folks tend to go into town, and in the evenings tend to come out. With a full load no problem, but getting an empty vehicle back might be?

 

However, if all buses were fitted with saddles and pedals connected to a dynamo, and all who pedalled travelled free, maybe that might work. Could be under cover so wouldn't get wet, but would help to get passengers fit. A different type of hybrid vehicle.

 

A rival for the Boris bus, the Sheffield Pedalmaster

[Alcoblog 10]

Great idea, but in the mornings folks tend to go into town, and in the evenings tend to come out. With a full load no problem, but getting an empty vehicle back might be?

 

However, if all buses were fitted with saddles and pedals connected to a dynamo, and all who pedalled travelled free, maybe that might work. Could be under cover so wouldn't get wet, but would help to get passengers fit. A different type of hybrid vehicle.

 

A rival for the Boris bus, the Sheffield Pedalmaster

I thought about putting some sort of roof on the Pelathon-Pedl™®, but to be honest, all cyclissimos wear waterproof cameras on their heads, so they won't get wet. Saves on weight too as it's only the Pelathon-Pedl™® driver who does the pedalling (which could be a strain up Hagg Hill for instance), leaving the passenger peddlers to drink high energy drinks and throw the empty containers at passers-by. I've thought this out pretty thoroughly.

[ANGELFIRE1 10]

It's a great invention and idea, it only lacks the flag waving safety officer type walking ahead of the machine, just to ensure no pedestrian falls foul of its wheels.

 

Angel1.

[Alcoblog 10]

It's a great invention and idea, it only lacks the flag waving safety officer type walking ahead of the machine, just to ensure no pedestrian falls foul of its wheels.

 

Angel1.

 

The Pelathon-Pedl™®'s got a light on the front ... and a bell! What more safety precautions could possibly be taken? I've thought this out pretty thoroughly.

[yellowperil 10]

You need to get in touch with your lawyer!

Youve been ripped off already!

 

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