Non molestation order

[Sulley 10]

Hi everyone, sorry in advance for the long post but I have a lot on my mind.

 

I separated from my partner just before Christmas Day last year and just a month after the birth of my first child.

I wouldn't say the relationship was a bad one, we had our fall outs now and again over trivial little things, mostly me being a typical man and moaning but apart from that it was pretty much normal, out for meals, building a family home for our first born and all those types of things.

When we found out we were expecting, we were both over the moon and at the time we lived in a 1 bedroom property so we set about finding one to suit family life.

We moved into a 3 bedroom property which was a little expensive to rent given I was the only one bringing in a wage but I was prepared to struggle through and make it work.

Anyway as we got nearer the due date my partner grew more and more concerned about finances and her not working played a major factor in her worries as she is very much 'proud' and always wanted to be the breadwinner.

About two month before my son was born she sat with my Mother and myself and told us how we couldn't afford the house with a baby and that she had looked into council properties and the only way to acquire one as the waiting lists are so long was to say I kicked her out and claim domestic violence.

I wasn't too happy about this as our relationship was never abusive or violent but call me naive or just stupid I went along with it as she basically gave me ultimatum, I either moved into the council property and started a family which I always dreamt of or kept on a 3 bedroom house which ate virtually all my wages bar a few pound left which would cover my travel to work (her benefits credits used to cover shopping and extras).

So we moved into our new council property and once again I gutted the new property and for the second time in under a year began doing a place up from scratch, expensive carpets, furnishings, re decorating and all in between working 6 days a week in a job which was doing the same.

My son was born in November 2014, it was the best day of my life, I couldn't believe I finally had a little boy, all the usual elation went on, dreaming about taking him to football, letting him know all my mistakes and making sure he doesn't make them in his growing up etc. etc.

By now I could see the end of the 'refurb' on our new home and during the run up to Xmas I went at it like a Trojan in between all the sleepless nights (which I actually enjoyed, I wanted to just sit up all night and watch him sleep) our relationship broke down, she wanted me out of the house and it was started over a tiny little trivial thing after I had been to the football match one Tuesday evening.

The house was in her name, she had claimed domestic violence to get the property so I was sat there devastated, what will I look like if she goes telling ppl how we got the house, I would never lay a finger on her and my job was to protect her and my son and here I was leaving the home where my son lived and people might hear the words 'domestic violence' when I'm a man who has many jumped in, in the past when a male has been shouting at a woman.

I left anyway, basically homeless, she had everything in the house and even the car she is driving I am still paying off today.

All I had left was my son now and after being with him every minute since birth it broke me and I sat crying every night until exhaustion got too much and I fell asleep for at most 2 hours and this is still the same every night now.

I called her wanting to see my boy, she was more bothered about 'not talking to me' than our sons interests and I tried explaining hundreds of times that it wasn't about her, I wasn't calling to see her I wanted to see my son.

We had arguments on the phone and we both said things to hurt each other, I won't lie I did too which I apologised for after, she gave me the 'you're just a sperm donor and we will do better without you' and that escalated into 'you'll never see your son again' this was the trigger and I reacted by saying 'I will come and take him myself, you can't do that' and even though 13 minutes after I sent that text I texted back apologising telling her you know I'd never take my boy away from his mum, it seemed her mind was made up, she got a solicitor who must have seen pound signs and given her some pretty heartless and over the top advice as I was hand delivered a 'non molestation order' for the text saying it was harrasment??? I stupidly went to the family court Unrepresented and was met by a nasty looking little woman (exes solicitor) who asked where my solicitor was and when I informed her I didn't have one she shoved some paper in my face asking me to sign it and save going into the court room as this ex part non mol order was going to get passed anyway. Since then I've spoken to 3 different solicitors who all said if I was represented the order would never have even stood.....the order itself makes me sound like a monster and although my ex admits in the statement that it was never any abuse or violence she does say I was controlling which can only be the advice of the solicitpr as I was made to move from the 3 bed home with garden which I wanted us to stay in and I worked 6 days a week and she kept everything we had together so I was the one controlled if any

So now I was in a position where I couldn't goto my sons home to pick him up for my two days contact and had to rely on my mother who is a nurse to work around this and drop him off for me.

Ex has then started demanding things and changing times and when confronted (always in a civil manner) she has sent a text to my mother saying she has stopped all contact, Then a week later she would send text saying I can see him again, this has been the same pattern until I 'liked' a picture on the Internet of my son, a picture I myself took and was 'tagged' in but unfortunately so was my ex and when she got the notification that I liked my boys pic she called the police who came and arrested me for a breach (yes really) I was remanded for 32 hours until court and the case dragged on due to probation report problems even though I have no past criminal records....whilst this was going on my mother tried to call my ex to reinstate contact with my son and my ex once again called the police and told them 'it wasn't his mum it was him calling from his mums phone' (i have my own phone contract and my mum an NHS nurse whom my ex had text saying wasn't fit to see her grandson had told the police she had called her to try talk some sense into her but my ex wouldn't answer) I was arrested and remanded again this time for 26 hours but thankfully this time the phone records and my statement was proof enough and the court threw this breach out and I was found not guilty, now I know she is trying to make me breach this order to discredit me as a dad ( she even called me seven times from a witheld number when I was sat with my solicitor who answered for me and my ex cried down the phone saying she wants the non molestation order removed and wants me to collect my son myself???) my solicitor told her to contact her representatives to do that and obviously as nothing has happened she has been advised not to probably as they want to make more money.

I have paid for a contact order application and around a thousand pound already in costs and I'm just waiting for the date of hearing.

I got an itemised bill the other day as my provider must think we still share the contract and it showed she called 101 everyday for the past 13 days even though me and my ex have had no direct or indirect contact for over two months now and I am worried about why she is making these calls as the police have not been in contact with me about any so is she making up stories and reporting false things trying to get them on police files to show in family court, maybe she's having trouble from someone else and it's nothing to do with me? I have no idea about my sons health or whereabouts now and these calls to police everyday are worrying me.

I'm a good dad, I just want to be a normal dad but I am being attacked constantly by someone who has an order against me which is designed to protect a vulnerable person.

I'm waiting for CAFCASS to call me for a phone interview and I'll tell them she's a good mother because I don't want people snooping into my sons life and 'assessing' him or her thinking she is unfit, or should I tell them the whole story?

I don't know what to do and if any Mums or Dads have any advice I would really appreciate it as I am totally lost and just walking around in a blur 24/7

Thanks for reading and sorry about the long post.

Edited March 29, 2015 by Sulley

[natzzz 10]

Hi, Firstly, Wow that is a lot happening in a few short months for any parent let alone a new parent.

Whilst I can't really comment on the situation as a whole my advice regarding cafcas would be to tell the whole truth.

You have just stated with regards to the 101 calls that you do not know for certain where or how your child is. Don't hide things from the people put there to help, let them help.

You don't need to slate your ex, just be honest. I can't imagine the position any absent parent is in when a relationship breaks down especially if it wasn't your choice but you need to keep trying for your sons sake.

 

Also, I wouldn't mention the itemised phone bill etc I know you probably pay the bill or it's in your name and legally the bill is your property but if she's claiming you're harassing her mentioning you know who she's been calling will only add fuel to the fire and give her a bigger stick to beat you with.

[Sulley 10]

Thanks for the advice, I'll remember that.

I know I wouldn't mention the calls but they're a little worrying, just concerned about someone's mental state constantly trying to find things to punish the father of her child, also got my parents who are distraught not seeing their first grandson as she said if they ever try to visit my son she will call the police even though the police said they wouldn't but did say given her attitude she would probably act irrational and kick and scream that they get them away.

My exes parents did terrible things when she was a child and never got put through what I am daily so it's very hypocritical and hard to just sit and say nothing but I just bite my lip and deal with the pain and I'm still getting email notifications of follows from ex and police basically said she has me by the balls and is abusing a court order designed to protect people from wrong uns and cannot do anything because this order makes her bulletproof, she can attack my family as much as she wants and the first time I even answer or say hello on a phone I would be in cells until court again.

Thanks for the reply anyway.

[Dales 10]

Thanks for the advice, I'll remember that.

I know I wouldn't mention the calls but they're a little worrying, just concerned about someone's mental state constantly trying to find things to punish the father of her child, also got my parents who are distraught not seeing their first grandson as she said if they ever try to visit my son she will call the police even though the police said they wouldn't but did say given her attitude she would probably act irrational and kick and scream that they get them away.

My exes parents did terrible things when she was a child and never got put through what I am daily so it's very hypocritical and hard to just sit and say nothing but I just bite my lip and deal with the pain and I'm still getting email notifications of follows from ex and police basically said she has me by the balls and is abusing a court order designed to protect people from wrong uns and cannot do anything because this order makes her bulletproof, she can attack my family as much as she wants and the first time I even answer or say hello on a phone I would be in cells until court again.

Thanks for the reply anyway.

 

I hate how police are used in circumstances like this. It happens every day and is such a waste of resources. However to the original poster, I am not referring to you here, if what you say is true and I have no reason to disbelieve you.