How to explain to abandoned children?

[Redstripe 10]

Been thinking lately that in the not too distant future my sons (2 1/2 year olds) will ask questions about why their father isn't around.

 

Does anyone have any advice on what to say? he doesn't visit or ring, they wouldn't even recognise him on the street and have never even said the word daddy so i suppose we're an extreme case.

 

I really just want them to know its not their fault but don't know how to explain

 

Anyone in a similar situation but with older children?

[natzzz 10]

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Edited January 22, 2015 by natzzz

[Redstripe 10]

Thanks, i know it probably wasn't easy to put that all down publicly as other people have contacted me privately instead.

 

That has to be worse as your son had a bond with his Dad and then he was gone, at least mine have no idea who he is so don't know what they might be missing if that makes sense.

[Halibut 12]

I think the best policy with any child regardless of their age is to be as honest as you possibly can. Children aren't stupidd and they can smell bull **** a mile off.

In your own case, I'd be inclined to say something like 'Daddy isn't very happy at the moment and he isn't able to let you be part of his life right now. Maybe when he's able to he'll be able to be a proper Daddy'.

 

---------- Post added 19-01-2015 at 17:54 ----------

 

Been thinking lately that in the not too distant future my sons (2 1/2 year olds) will ask questions about why their father isn't around.

 

Does anyone have any advice on what to say? he doesn't visit or ring, they wouldn't even recognise him on the street and have never even said the word daddy so i suppose we're an extreme case.

 

I really just want them to know its not their fault but don't know how to explain

 

Anyone in a similar situation but with older children?

 

I think it's also important to ask yourself '' Have I done everything in my power to try and ensure that my children get to spend time with their father?''

[Redstripe 10]

 

I think it's also important to ask yourself '' Have I done everything in my power to try and ensure that my children get to spend time with their father?''

 

Hmm probably not as i don't bother with him anymore, if i rang him i could probably persuade him to see them but why should i? as far as i'm concerned i'm irrelevant to his relationship with his sons. He should want to see them, he should make the effort. He knows where they live, he even has an order from the courts that he can see them 2hrs a week BUT he doesn't come.

[Halibut 12]

Hmm probably not as i don't bother with him anymore, if i rang him i could probably persuade him to see them but why should i? as far as i'm concerned i'm irrelevant to his relationship with his sons. He should want to see them, he should make the effort. He knows where they live, he even has an order from the courts that he can see them 2hrs a week BUT he doesn't come.

 

Re the two sentences I've emboldened.

 

Why? Because they need to, because its good for them? Because if they find out later that you stood in the way of them seeing their Dad they'll resent you for it.

 

As long as there's no risk to the children I think you should swallow your pride and start talking to their Dad.

[Redstripe 10]

But that's the point, i don't stand in his way. It is not my job to make him turn up to his allotted contact times, I am not his mother, he is a grown up! and i can't talk to him even if i wanted to, he refuses to answer, i have to leave a message (yes he's that pathetic), he's deleted all his e mail accounts, blocked on fb etc.

[natzzz 10]

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Edited January 22, 2015 by natzzz