What's the funniest comedy line you have ever heard

[JOHN HABS]

There are two I find very amusing and make me laugh whenever they crop up on TV on Channel GOLD:-

The first one is by Victor Meldrew whilst reading the newspaper and talking to Margaret, he says to her ' Have you read this Margaret - there's a chap here whose been saving all his urine and excrement over the years, the neighbours have complained about the smell, so the council have been called in '

The chap went on to say in a quote ' this isn't the first time the council have taken the p--s'

 

The second one is by Neil in the Young ones, when they are scratching for money to buy food and Neil decides to write to the bank manager to ask for a loan, the letter starts:-

' Dear Fascists Bullyboy, Send me some money you B-----d, luv Neil .....PS May the fruit of your loins be plentyful in the belly of your woman.

[fatrajah]

I don't know if this was meant to be a bit of black humour but in the film "Let Him Have It", the hangman says to the young man he is about to hang: "You come with me, son; you'll be alright".

[JFKvsNixon]

Just watching Naked Gun 2 1/2, one of my favourites from this film is:

 

Frank Drebin - Sam play our song

Sam - Ding dong the witch is dead..........

FranK Drebin - Play our other song.

[mlfc]

In the Simpsons when the nerdy guy says "I'm so upset I don't have an emoticon to express the way I feel"

 

And the 3 Amigos when the Mexican girl (Carmen?) asks Chevvy Chase if he'd like to kiss her on the veranda and he replies "Lips would be fine"

[Guest sibon]

Went on a round the world tour.

 

Nice place to visit. Wouldn't want to live there.

 

Steven Wright

[Lockjaw]

Let's not bicker and aarrgue about 'oo killed 'oo.

 

---------- Post added 11-07-2014 at 01:03 ----------

 

' Dear Fascists Bullyboy, Send me some money you B-----d, luv Neil .....PS May the fruit of your loins be plentyful in the belly of your woman.

 

For correctness:

 

Darling Fascist Bullyboy, Give me some more money, you *******. May the seed of your loin be fruitful in the belly of your woman, Neil.

[ukdobby]

Eric Morecambe,I am playing all the right notes....but not in the right order.

[mjw47]

Don't tell im Pike!

[lebomb]

This line in 'Once Upon a Time in Mexico' tickled me....."Are you a Mexican or a MexiCan't?"

 

Oh and in The Libertine, when Samantha Morton say's the following about Jonny Depp... "he took my talent and he polished it until it shone"....I wouldn't mind taking Jonny Depp's talent and polishing it til it shone myself, I can tell ya! ;-)

[Daven]

Eric Morecambe,I am playing all the right notes....but not in the right order.

 

 

---------- Post added 11-07-2014 at 16:14 ----------

 

 

Comic genius.

For those of you too young to remember it first time around - Andre Previn (who M&W keep calling Mr Preview) was a very famous and respected classical conductor and musician.

 

The comedy line in question is around the 6 minute mark but I would recommend you watch the whole piece.

Edited July 11, 2014 by Daven