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Flash fiction - Always There

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Everyone’s looking at my little boy. Aww, he looks so nervous. Never seen him nervous before. Over here, Alec! I’m over here!

 

I remember how nervous I felt whenever I was the centre of attention; like at those school concerts when I had to play my flute. Mum and Dad were always there. Always. They were easy to pick out, mum waving excitedly, her smiling face bobbing between the other parents’ heads. And Dad’s glazed expression – clearly didn’t want to be there! But he was there. Always. He’d have his hand on mum’s back, reassuring her, or restraining her, I’m not sure which. At home they were just the same. Stuck on the sofa, glued to the telly. Mum would catch me out the corner of her eye and it would trigger a moment of panic.

 

“Have you done your homework, Sally?”

“Have you practised your flute?”

 

A smile and a nod would placate her. And if I hadn’t performed one of my daily rituals then it wasn’t worth arguing.

 

“Do as you’re told!” was as much as dad ever needed to say, and I would slope from the room.

 

I yearned to be independent. I yearned for them to be more independent: for dad to go down the pub; for mum to gossip with her friends on the phone. But they didn’t have friends. Absorbed in the family I suppose. Content with their roles: Dad the bread-winner; Mum the home-maker. With me and Simon being the focus of all their hopes and aspirations. It was enough.

 

I can’t remember at what age I decided I wouldn’t be like them. That I would travel. That I would have a career. Alec’s lucky. He had things I never had: gadgets, designer clothes, a TV in his room. I’d never even been to a restaurant until I left home, except once a year in the Little Chef on the way to Skegness. Ha! That was a laugh! We’d stumble through the café entrance falling over each other whilst everyone watched and savoured our awkwardness. Mum and dad would fret the whole time: “Do we order at the counter?” “Do they come to us?” “Should we leave a tip?” How timid they were. I’m almost blushing now just thinking about it. But despite the awkwardness it felt like a real treat.

 

I chose a university far away to give me a chance to grow up, and a chance to breathe for God’s sake. It was a revelation when I met Derek. I swooned at his sophistication and was charmed by his charisma. A nod of the head or the faintest of hand movements and a waiter would appear. He would flick a five or ten pound note onto the table with the deftness of a casino card dealer. So swathe, so confident, but ultimately such a git!

 

He’s not here today, I notice. Some father he’s turned out to be. But we don’t need him or his money. I will find a way to be at home more. We’ll cut back. We’ll cope. Things will be different from now on. Wait! Everyone’s standing. The judge must be entering. Yes, after today things will be different. I will always be here for you, Alec. Always here.

Edited by Ron Blanco

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