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Bagger and skinz - very well put and totally spot on.

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Everyone has said exactly how I have been thinking, he shouldn't have said what he did to anyone nevermind me.

 

An apology would have gone some way to help but I do think he has gone to far

 

It isn't the first time he's made you feel awful is it?

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There is always the issue of being frightened of him. Is this the case? If so, it may be wise to make someone aware like social services, especially if you ever take the step to end the relationship and things turn ugly.

 

As difficult as it may be, I would leave the home immediately for a while if you have anywhere you can stay. Your rights will remain the same whether you rent or own your home. At least then you'll be safe.

Edited by Unisol

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He doesn't frighten me, he has never hit me and I don't think he ever would. (We've been together 16 yrs)

 

I'm just upset that he could think let alone say it! I'm just struggling on how I should handle it, if to say enough is enough or just to make it very clear I won't put up with it and he's at the end of the line, one more move and I'm gone

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If this has been going on for two years now it does not sound like it is going to get any better so you may be better off leaving him and finding a new man that will treat you with respect.

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Having just read through the op and the replies i have this to say. OP, you started it by having a go, perhaps you do this more than you know and could be a reason for excessive drinking. No one likes to have someone constantly badger them for every little mistake. The chances of your house burning down from a bit of food in the oven is slim.

**** off and die is a bit extreme. I wouldnt say it but then you didnt say what you said to him. Was it equally as vile? Was it a legitimate complaint? What did you actually say?

The fact youve been trying (unsuccessfully) for 2 years now should tell you what you need to know.

As for going back to him when youve split up before, well thats your weakness, not his. Ivew been where you are, it was really hard to make the break, i went back to the ex, she went back to me, but in the end we split for good and its the best thing ive ever done. Im not saying you should split over this but really, after two years of what sounds like one way traffic, i think you know whats going to happen next.

As for all the disgusting replies from our resident trolls. Making out your man is as bad as Abu Hamza, sticking the knife in, giving you them most over the top and sickening 'advice'. Well you lot just make me sick. You are vile.

 

Im no doubt going to get flamed for my opinion but you see im trying to see it from both your points of view and not just vilify your partner for the sake of making you feel better about yourself. To be blunt, you either love him or you dont, if you do then you need to find out what he feels for you, if anything then take it from there

I do wish you the very best of luck but seriously, just have a look back at some of the replies and ask youself, do you really need advice of that sort?

Edited by Closet Guy.

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What good comes from an argument?

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Are you still going to Relate that you asked about in a thread you started in January? If not look for other counselling.

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Closet Guy

 

Having just read through the op and the replies i have this to say. OP, you started it by having a go, perhaps you do this more than you know and could be a reason for excessive drinking. No one likes to have someone constantly badger them for every little mistake. The chances of your house burning down from a bit of food in the oven is slim.

 

I said he needed to cut down on his drinking and if he wanted food but came home drunk to pick a takeaway up, this is the 3rd time hes burnt food in the oven, each time he was drunk, hes always been a big drinker for many years.

 

**** off and die is a bit extreme. I wouldnt say it but then you didnt say what you said to him. Was it equally as vile? Was it a legitimate complaint? What did you actually say?

 

He said it as he was walking into the lounge and didnt expect me to hear him, i put my head around the door and said if your going to curse me do it to my face and he repeated it. i then slammed the door and went to bed.

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Closet Guy

 

Having just read through the op and the replies i have this to say. OP, you started it by having a go, perhaps you do this more than you know and could be a reason for excessive drinking. No one likes to have someone constantly badger them for every little mistake. The chances of your house burning down from a bit of food in the oven is slim.

 

 

 

**** off and die is a bit extreme. I wouldnt say it but then you didnt say what you said to him. Was it equally as vile? Was it a legitimate complaint? What did you actually say?

 

It seems that your situation is a tricky one. You must still love him to keep trying but you know what they say about flogging a dead horse. Its the same with a dead relationship but you need to find out where hes at. Ask him outright what he feels, if he loves you, if hes screwing around. Youve know him a long time and so youll probably know if hes lying, if hes lying then he toast, if hes genuine in his answers then you have a basis to sort things out, even if sorting things out means living apart. Thats NOT the end of the word but an unhappy relationship where heads are getting butted with no progress can certainly be the end of both your worlds.

Like i said before, the **** off and die was over the top, now you explained the circumstances it seems even more ott, but not a relationship breaker in itself.

If his drinking is a bother then get him some help, offer it to him on a plate and if he takes it then again you have a basis to talk.

Your GP is good for this but i doubt theyll make appointmens for you, he may have to do that but they WILL give you all the info you need so it can be presented to him.

You started out by saying you are having a bad patch, 2 years and counting isnt a bad patch, its a bad relationship and needs fixing or dissolving but to find out where you both stand you need to talk.

Finally, has he cheated?

Have you cheated?

Do you know the reason of have a clue as to why you are having a bad patch?

If you have answers to these then i suspect you know where it all will elad. If you dont have the answers to them perhaps you should try and get them. Like i said you are in a tricky situation but ffs dont let these hacks terll you to hang him high, put suggestions in your head you may be scared of him, dont listen to their bile. Its crass and they do it with a smile on their face.

Trust me, there are some right nasty gets on here.

Good luck, all the best and i hope its resolved in a good way for both of you.

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It doesn't seem relevant hearing the story from his side, to say **** off and die proves to me he can't love you.

 

So what's the point of staying together, convenience or too scared to make the break? Like most have suggested, it's highly likely you'd regret it in the long run.

 

I can't see any trolling in this thread, just people offering support and mostly good advice.

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Having just read through the op and the replies i have this to say. OP, you started it by having a go, perhaps you do this more than you know and could be a reason for excessive drinking.

 

Nice bit of victim blaming.

 

No one likes to have someone constantly badger them for every little mistake. The chances of your house burning down from a bit of food in the oven is slim.

 

Defending the selfish and dangerous actions of the OP's partner.

 

**** off and die is a bit extreme. I wouldnt say it but then you didnt say what you said to him. Was it equally as vile? Was it a legitimate complaint? What did you actually say?

 

Unbelievable.

 

 

As for all the disgusting replies from our resident trolls. Making out your man is as bad as Abu Hamza, sticking the knife in, giving you them most over the top and sickening 'advice'. Well you lot just make me sick. You are vile.

 

Perhaps you could point out which replies you're complaining about?

I've read all of them, and can't see any which liken the guy to Abu Hamza, are over the top, or 'sticking the knife in'.

 

How you have the nerve to call others vile when you have just indulged in a nasty bout of blaming the OP is beyond me.

 

Im no doubt going to get flamed for my opinion but you see im trying to see it from both your points of view and not just vilify your partner for the sake of making you feel better about yourself. To be blunt, you either love him or you dont, if you do then you need to find out what he feels for you, if anything then take it from there

I do wish you the very best of luck but seriously, just have a look back at some of the replies and ask youself, do you really need advice of that sort?

 

Amen to that.

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