Electronic football: it’s virtually a reality!

[Sam Miguel 10]

I have just got a new scoop. I've circulated it to all the Daily Papers, and - for good measure - The Hamster and Furry Rodents Weekly.

 

Electronic football: it’s virtually a reality!

 

by

 

Sam Miguel

 

I can now reveal that British football is on course for the biggest single shake-up in its entire history. The FA is on the verge of signing a huge multi-billion pound deal with Japanese electrical giants Sonyo which will change our national game beyond recognition.

 

If all goes to plan, Britain’s favourite spectator sport is set to become TOTALLY ELECTRONIC by the start of next season!

 

Spiralling wages and falling gates have been blamed, forcing leading influential figures within the game into having a major rethink.

 

“Football needs to tune itself into the 21st century,” top FA spokesman, Bill Microchip told us last night. “Clubs simply cannot keep up with player’s financial demands anymore, so, I’m afraid, they’re all going to have to go. It’s about time these greedy sods were taught a lesson!”

 

Once the deal is signed – probably in the next few days – the FA Premiership will be dissolved and then reformed as The FA Sonyo Games Console Premiership in time for the start of the new season.

 

All players will have their contracts cancelled and will then have to work for a living for the first time in their lives. Although some critics fear that this could spark off a humanitarian crisis, most agree that it is the only way forward.

 

Once the old players are out of the way, clubs will then compete to sign up teams of the best ‘gamers’ they can afford. Each will be allowed three players on their books in case of injury. Every game will be televised live, seven days a week, on all terrestrial, cable and satellite channels. “It will be very affordable,” a beaming Mr Microchip said.

 

As part of the agreement, all existing football stadiums will be demolished and giant SONYO hyperstores will take their places.

 

 

“It’s going to be fantastic,” Mr Microchip enthused. “Just think, supporters won’t have to go out on cold winter’s days anymore. Instead, they’ll be able to watch their favourite teams – well virtually their favourite teams – in the comfort of their own homes.

 

“And when football isn’t on TV – which won’t be very often – men will be able to make up to the women in their lives by taking them to their nearest SONYO store to look at the very latest state-of-the-art washing machines, tumble dryers and steam irons.

 

I rang The Duke of Manchester yesterday to get his opinion on the matter but his wife answered the phone. “Goldenballs ’aint in,” Queen Victoria told us, “he’s gone down the JobCentre.”

 

I asked if we could ring back later but were told that he would be too busy practising on his PlayStation when he got back.

 

Sam