fleetwood   10 #1 Posted December 22, 2013 I tried to post this before using an existing thread but I'm afraid it came up on an obscure part of the forum thus going nowhere. I hope my fellow forumers get a chuckle out of this. Many years ago on a visit to Sheffield, I was buying a bedside lamp for my Mother at an electrical shop situated just up from Fitzallan Square on the left-hand side of High St. Me: 'I would like the lamp, like the one in the window'. She: (after rummaging around) 'We're out of that one but you can have the display model'. Me; 'That's OK, I imagine there will be a discount on that. She: 'You imagined wrong sir, we don't do that, it is a little dusty but you will be able to clean it off when you get it home'. Me: (I am very intrigued at this point) 'How much'. She: 'That will be 8-19-6d and 4-6d for the plug'. Me: 'But the plug is already attached'. She: 'Now it isn't' (after producing scissors and cutting the plug off) To make a long story short, I bought the lamp 8-19-6d and the plug for 4-6d with a little piece of wire dangling from it, not because I'm stupid, I just could not believe my eyes and ears when she said 'Now it isn't'. It almost looked and sounded like a 'Comedy Routine'. I've relayed the story a few times over the years, I can tell you! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
david weston   10 #2 Posted December 22, 2013 Going towards Manchester on the Woodhead Pass there was a dingy café on the right hand side just past the Flouch crossroads. It was a single story place and had a most peculiar, Dickensian owner, reminiscent of John Laurie's portrayal of misers etc. In the window was a board stating " No Hikers, no coaches, no cycles "! Out of curiosity we once went in and risked a York Ham sandwich and a cup of tea. Needless to say, we were the only ones in. Throughout the snack, the owner, wearing a cook's hat, was spying from behind a curtain. On leaving, we bought a Mars Bar which turned out to be almost white with age. On being asked his opening days he replied " What do you want to know that for !" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Jim Hardie   495 #3 Posted December 22, 2013 Going towards Manchester on the Woodhead Pass there was a dingy café on the right hand side just past the Flouch crossroads. It was a single story place and had a most peculiar, Dickensian owner, reminiscent of John Laurie's portrayal of misers etc. In the window was a board stating " No Hikers, no coaches, no cycles "! Out of curiosity we once went in and risked a York Ham sandwich and a cup of tea. Needless to say, we were the only ones in. Throughout the snack, the owner, wearing a cook's hat, was spying from behind a curtain. On leaving, we bought a Mars Bar which turned out to be almost white with age. On being asked his opening days he replied " What do you want to know that for !"  I remember that cafe. I used to hitch-hike from Manchester to Sheffield and one of the lorry drivers told me they used to call it the Ten Commandments. There were signs all over the place apparently. Never went in myself. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
jmdee   10 #4 Posted December 22, 2013 Reminds me of the shoes my bride to be bought from the Saxone shoe shop on High Street in the nineteen sixties. She bought the shoes for our wedding, and it turned out that the leather inside the heel had some rough edges, and her nylons would develop ladders every time she wore these shoes.  We went back to the shop two or three times, and all they did was take a file to the heel grip, buff it a little and send us on our way. The problem persisted, and it became very costly in new nylon stockings each time she wore them. One day, as this problem occurred as we travelling into town, we decided to go to Saxone and show them. As we were now running out of patience with the sales staff, we asked to see the store manager. After a lengthy wait, he came from the back of the store and asked whet was the problem. My wife removed the offending shoe, and sure enough, there, attached to the inside shoe heel, was a thread still connected to the nylon stocking.  The manager swiftly, and without batting an eye, broke the thread, and said, I can not see what your problem is. And that was it. In those days, being fairly young and innocent, we left it at that. Not so now, it would take more than a mere store manager to intimidate me, and, he would run for cover if he was confronted by she who must be obeyed.  By the way, a letter to the company head office brought no response at all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
hillsbro   27 #5 Posted December 22, 2013 ... a board stating " No Hikers, no coaches, no cycles.."Those weren't the only exclusions: motorcyclists, scooter riders, lorry drivers and vagrants were also banned (among others). I always wished I had taken a photo of the sign - it would be a classic.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
flyer   10 #6 Posted December 23, 2013 Those weren't the only exclusions: motorcyclists, scooter riders, lorry drivers and vagrants were also banned (among others). I always wished I had taken a photo of the sign - it would be a classic..  use to run a cafe in Nottingham began to notice we had more than our fair share of tramps then caught my brother (story on its own)GIVEing away toast and dripping to all that asked,well the place was going slowly belly up (NOT MY COOKING ):suspect:  ---------- Post added 23-12-2013 at 14:20 ----------  Those weren't the only exclusions: motorcyclists, scooter riders, lorry drivers and vagrants were also banned (among others). I always wished I had taken a photo of the sign - it would be a classic.. Long greyhound to north Florida 3am and drop in for transfer had to be 90 in there with the place alive with huge double wing dragon's sick with lack of sleep up to the bar little girl behind to my fellow passinger,Sur can i all gett u a cuppa coffee , yup sure can, ,well sur do u all want cream in your coffee or u want your coffee black ,well ma'am dont want cream in my coffee but think i'm gonna have cream in my coffee,but sur if u all dont want cream in your coffee why yu all gonna have cream in your coffee well ma'am if one of these dragons fall in my coffee I wana see it when it floats to the top .Had to be the slowest exchange i have ever witness never did get to order but i was laughing to myself all the way on ,but had to look on the bright side NOBODY bothers the crazy laughing to himself on the back seat Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Texas   10 #7 Posted December 23, 2013 Went with a mate to the Tax Office. He rang the bell. After about 3-4 minutes he had to ring the bell again. You've all seen these places, they're just a bare little room, sliding window, bell push. When he'd pushed the bell again, another couple of minutes. I began to say ''Ted, there's no.......'. The sliding door slammed open. 'I've come with a query about my tax re.....' started Ted. Next window! Said the face For the first time we noticed another sliding window to our right. No bell push though. Ted pressed the same bell push as before. After a couple of minutes, slam! The sliding door to our right crashed open. Yes! said the face. 'I know you, said Ted, You're Harry Worth'!  ---------- Post added 24-12-2013 at 19:11 ----------  I tried to post this before using an existing thread but I'm afraid it came up on an obscure part of the forum thus going nowhere. I hope my fellow forumers get a chuckle out of this. Many years ago on a visit to Sheffield, I was buying a bedside lamp for my Mother at an electrical shop situated just up from Fitzallan Square on the left-hand side of High St. Me: 'I would like the lamp, like the one in the window'. She: (after rummaging around) 'We're out of that one but you can have the display model'. Me; 'That's OK, I imagine there will be a discount on that. She: 'You imagined wrong sir, we don't do that, it is a little dusty but you will be able to clean it off when you get it home'. Me: (I am very intrigued at this point) 'How much'. She: 'That will be 8-19-6d and 4-6d for the plug'. Me: 'But the plug is already attached'. She: 'Now it isn't' (after producing scissors and cutting the plug off) To make a long story short, I bought the lamp 8-19-6d and the plug for 4-6d with a little piece of wire dangling from it, not because I'm stupid, I just could not believe my eyes and ears when she said 'Now it isn't'. It almost looked and sounded like a 'Comedy Routine'. I've relayed the story a few times over the years, I can tell you! Fleets, I've read this over a few times and I've got to say it's the best anecdote I've heard this year. I've been grinning to myself all day. You're right when you say it was like a comedy routine written for a show. It reminds me in style of a Jack Benny piece of business. Funny? Yeah. Thanks for putting it on. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
fleetwood   10 #8 Posted December 24, 2013 Thanks Texas - Merry Christmas to you and yours and to everybody that participates on the various threads that we all contribute too. All the best for the New Year to everybody. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Chris_B_1983 Â Â 10 #9 Posted December 25, 2013 The fat, rotund, white haired old geriatric in the jeans shop opposite H Samuel's in Crystal Peaks. He is an interfering, clueless chancer, and the reason I have a 10 year embargo on the shop. What a c**t. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Texas   10 #10 Posted December 25, 2013 Thanks Texas - Merry Christmas to you and yours and to everybody that participates on the various threads that we all contribute too. All the best for the New Year to everybody. Merry Christmas to you too fleets and a Happy New Year to all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
hazel   11 #11 Posted December 27, 2013 From a womans angle the manageress of small dress shops were a nightmare. They would let you try a dress on in a cubicle with a curtain and just as you were in you undies would dramatically switch the curtain open revealing your cringing body to the world. In a loud voice she would proclaim what a good fit the dress was whilst holding yards of the back of the dress in her hand You were very lucky to get out of the shop with any dignity left. vowing never again. hazel Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...