Jump to content


Syrup's Joke Thread (Part 9)

Recommended Posts

A man 2 dogs but they both came down with kennel cough & died.  He was heartbroken & couldn't bear to be parted from them so he took them to a taxidermist. 

 

Taxidermist:  "So you want them both stuffed?  Would you like them mounted? 

Man:" Er, no!  They weren't like that. I just want them stood side by side."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just a quick note to say thanks to everybody for all the wonderful birthday cards and money yesterday. And to the Royal Mail for giving me the job.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Do locomotive drivers let off steam at work ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My boss had me in his office today.  He noticed that I've been calling in sick on a regular basis for months, every Monday & Friday & he wanted an explanation? 

 

I told him it was due to my weekend immune system. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

After Sunday school the children learned about Lot’s wife who looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.

One little boy said: “That’s nothing. My mum was driving her car in a lot of traffic yesterday. She looked back and turned into a telegraph pole!” 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"Nip to the office and ask Keth for help, will you?"

"Keth? What sort of name's Keth? Is he foreign?"

"Nope. Comes from here. Keth's just his nickname. His real name's Keith, but he's got an eye missing"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, FoxLady said:

"Nip to the office and ask Keth for help, will you?"

"Keth? What sort of name's Keth? Is he foreign?"

"Nope. Comes from here. Keth's just his nickname. His real name's Keith, but he's got an eye missing"

Love daft joke's... 9/10.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"On your way back from seeing Keth, call into the other office and ask for Bob."

"Bob? To save me asking round, which one is he?"

"He's the bloke that walks with a really bad limp - one leg's shorter than the other."

"Don't tell me! Bob's his nickname 'cos of how he walks!"

"No, no, he really is called Bob. His nickname is "Sniper's Nightmare"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was going to tell you about a girl I know who only eats plants..

But you've probably never heard of Herbivore.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"When you've finished in the second office, can you get this Bible to the religious guy Nathaniel in the third office please?"

"Yes, but it's a busy office with lots of people in it - how will I know which one is Nathaniel?"

"Just call out 'JOHN' loudly, he'll pop over to you"

"I thought his name was Nathaniel?"

"It is, but we just call him 'John' - short for John the Baptist"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

"Oh! By the way! On your way back (from all these offices you've been to in the last few days), can you call in this one and ask for Uncle Ben?"

"Of course! Why not?! After all, I've been sent all over the place in the last few jokes, so what's one more? So - Uncle Ben, huh? Don't tell me - let me guess. He's not your uncle, and his name's not really Ben either?"

"Correct! He's neither my uncle, nor a Ben! I'm not sure what his name actually is, but everyone knows him as Uncle Ben."

Dare I ask? He loves rice?

"Not as far as I know, no."

"Go on then - why?

"He had a cyst removed from down there.... y'know.... "boil in the bag"

 

 

"Oh! If Uncle Ben's not there, ask to speak to The Clock."

"The Clock?"

"Yes. You'll spot him. Big bloke, dark hair. Got one hand bigger than the other..."

Edited by FoxLady

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Psychiatrist:    Good afternoon, could you tell me in your own words why you were referred to me?"

Patient:   Yes, it a little embarrassing, but it's because I really love cream buns"

Psychiatrist:  "There's nothing to be worried about. I quite like a cream bun myself"

Patient:  "Yes, sexy little beasts aren't they!"

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.