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Syrup's Joke Thread (Part 9)

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A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious. She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English……….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Getting There:

Our representative will make you wait at the airport.. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

 

The hotel:

This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

 

The Restaurant:

Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

 

Your Room:

Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! . You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

 

Bed

Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

 

Above all:

When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it."

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I once went out with a Muslim girl who wore a Burqa.

 

We split up because she thought I didn't see enough of her.

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Mary had a little lamb

It sat upon a pylon

10,000 volts went up its ***

and now its made of nylon

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Breaking News: Man UTD have given Sheffield Wednesday permission to speak to David Moyes about their current vacancy.

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Breaking News: Man UTD have given Sheffield Wednesday permission to speak to David Moyes about their current vacancy.

 

Noooooooo! Rather have Colin

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Noooooooo! Rather have Colin

 

 

Thought that one would tickle you H.G.:hihi::hihi:

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A tourist is on Penistone Road one Saturday and he decides he would very much like to go to a football match, so he asks a man in the street if there are any local matches being played that afternoon.

"Well," replies the man, "the Wednesday ground is very close but unfortunately they're playing away today.... If you feel you really must see a match, the Piggies ground is not that far away. You go straight down this road and you'll see two queues, a big queue and a small queue....

You need to go to the small queue, because the big one is for the fish and chip shop

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the gloves are off matey..:hihi::hihi:

 

Following recent events, Sheffield Wednesday have been cleared of any match fixing allegations.

 

They're just s**t.

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Hey be careful Ross, don't drive past bramall lane fast, alot of people have picked up 3 points from there lately.....

Hihi hihi

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Just one time, I'd like to see a pub have a liquidation sale.

 

---------- Post added 10-12-2013 at 10:51 ----------

 

The World's Oldest Man has died at the age of 113.

 

This keeps happening - I think the title must be jinxed.

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My wife just said to me,"The Muppets Christmas Carol's on this afternoon."

 

I though to myself,'Why the **** would I want to watch Sheffield united fans singing Christmas Carol's for?'

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