15 month old won't sleep!!

[Michie 10]

Sleep depravation is killing me and I don't know what to do!!

 

My son is 15 months old and we've been co-sleeping since he was out of the moses basket. this has always worked really well for us and meant we all got a good nights sleep ... until 5 weeks ago when bambino cut 3 molars within a couple of days! since then he's hardly slept more than 3 hours at a time ! he goes down at 7;30 / 8 every night but he feeds to sleep (we're still bf but this has dropped to morning and night time as he started nursery and I returned to work full time back in July) He's never learned to soothe himself to sleep and i'm so regretting this now, we opted for a simple life and this was working fine until just recently!

i'm not a fan of Gina Ford and her awful bedtime regimes but at 12 weeks pregnant I know we need to crack the sleeping thing now before it becomes even more difficult!

 

Last night he fed to sleep as usual at 7:45 and we put him down in his cot for the first time in ages. The cot is in our room next to our bed so I can hear him if he becomes unsettled. He woke around 11:45 and although I was adamant I was going to soothe him back to sleep without picking him up he started screaming uncontrollably so I caved in and fed him back to sleep in our bed. he proceeded to wake again at 2am, 3:45am and 6am, each time for a good ole suck on mumma ! he doesn't do it due to hunger, it's more the comfort thing but i'm oh so tired and I just don't know what to do, it's like my baby has me held at gunpoint, boobie mum or i'm gonna scream and scream and make you feel so bad you give in !!!!

 

I don't want criticism on my parenting ability I just need help with babba to make sure we all get a good night sleep ..... any suggestions please??:help:

[kirstyp86 10]

If you are really wanting a good nights sleep, I would suggest leaving them to self settle, and controlled crying. A lot of people dont like this approach, but it does work!

I learnt after having my first not to pick them up every time they cry, and all 3 of my babies have slept 12hours through from 2-3months old.

Sounds like he is comfort feeding too, so I would try to stop that too.

Good Luck!

 

PS - could your husband/partner try settling him instead of you so he knows he wont get fed etc?

[rayggb 13]

He is a big boy now,my wife and I suggest his own room and a dummy.we have just put my grandson to bed,he is very use to his own company at bedtime,he talks to his toys and the animals on the wall,we say and wave to all of them goodnight

[SALLY18 10]

I would recommend controlled crying it really does work, I did it with both of mine. You just need to be consistent it is very easy to want to give up when your baby is crying. Just be consistent and keep going. Good luck x.

[HarrietStar 10]

you will all get a better night's sleep once your baby learns to settle themselves back to sleep. that way when they wake they will shuffle about a bit, maybe even make some noise, but then go back to sleep. easier said than done though, you basically have two options:

 

1) continue feeding them back to sleep when they wake and wait for them to learn to go to sleep without nursing by themselves. this will probably happen naturally without any intervention by you anywhere between 1.5 and 3 years old

 

2) accelerate this learning process and pursue some kind of sleep training which will involve crying. the amount of crying will depend on the method you use. we chose to do 'responsive settling' which is a slightly more gentle version of controlled crying. basically when your baby wakes you leave them to see if they settle themselves back to sleep. you listen really carefully to their cries and don't go to your baby unless you feel they are in distress and need your support to calm them down and help them settle. when you do oh back to them,

you try and sooth them not by nursing, holding them

or rocking, but by speaking to them calmly and patting their back or mattress rhythmically. the purpose of this is to reassure them of your presence so they feel secure to go to sleep. the idea is not to stay until they are asleep, just until they are no longer upset. then you leave them to try and settle themselves to sleep again. and repeat. repeat every time they wake and every night.

 

this method really depends on you listening closely to your baby and distinguishing between them crying because they are tired and resisting change and trying to calm themselves down, and crying because they are in distress/pain/hungry etc. it also really depends on being consistent. once you go down the route of changing from nursing to sleep to teaching self settling you have to stick with it. chopping and changing is not fair on babies who thrive on routines and predictability. this method differs from controlled crying because instead of returning to sooth your baby at set timed intervals (3,5,10 minutes etc)

you return to them when you think they need you.

 

either way, it will get better, and you will get a full nights sleep again! and just think, when they are 16 you can go into their room at 7am and shout at them if you like

[Bumps+births 10]

You are not doing anything wrong, I can completely understand where you are coming from, it took us about 2 years to get a full night sleep from number one. I am not sure if that helps you at all!

 

Also I am not sure if we actually did anything to cause number one to sleep through. Again, not so helpful for you.

 

However, what I did find helpful, was to read lots of different perspectives on crying, sleeping etc. I too detested Gina Fords book and thought there must be something better.

 

What I found helped me was adjusting my mind set. I am not saying it's for everyone and I do understand the trials of returning to work and needing sleep. Your child will sleep through when they are ready to. Is co-sleeping no longer an option for you?

 

Have a read of this blog I found. Its interesting and I got a bit of comfort from it.

 

http://uncommonjohn.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/self-soothing-possibly-the-biggest-lie-ever-foisted-on-parents/comment-page-1/

 

I don't believe there are any quick fix solutions, you'll find what works for you and you will get there

 

Be confident and stay strong

x

[justafriend 10]

Trying to train children can be harmful to their mental health. Please read up on "why toddler training is dangerous". This modern parenting of ignoring emotional needs is disturbing. Please don't ignore his need to be close and this will pass and you will sleep. X

Edited October 24, 2013 by justafriend