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Friend has violent partner. Should i get involved ?

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The victim put up on facebook that her bf was beating her black and blue???

and she's staying with him??

 

Very odd.

Would you like me to pm you her name so you can see for yourself. Then maybe you would find it even more odd when the next day she got him a rose and put it on the table with his breakfast. Thank you for all the other advice but i cant phone her or send a text as she will be with him. She also has somewhere else to go if she left him. I will just have to wait and see if she phones me.

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This situation is so much more complex than a single beating or instance of emotional abuse and if you haven't experienced something similar to this you a) are very lucky and b) probably don't understand her mindset very well at this point.

 

As I said above, the average number of times before the leaving sticks is 13, so it clearly is not as simple as just packing stuff and leaving for most people in this situation. I was unusual in that I needed to get him out of my house rather than do a flit. The house had been mine for a long time before we ever got married and is in my name only, so just running away would leave me paying a mortgage and being responsible for a house that I couldn't live in. I'm proud of the fact that I got him to move out on the first attempt and that I was damned certain that he was not coming back from day one- but I'm unusual and it normally takes a lot longer for this to happen.

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It's like this! this bloke/animal, has done it once, he will do it again, forget all the I'm sorry and all that yadda, she should have binned him in the first instance, if she has made the sorry sad choice to stay with this bully and excuse for a man, that's her demise, but she needs to get some bottle and say, if you touch me again sleep with your eyes open. :rant:

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It's like this! this bloke/animal, has done it once, he will do it again, forget all the I'm sorry and all that yadda, she should have binned him in the first instance, if she has made the sorry sad choice to stay with this bully and excuse for a man, that's her demise, but she needs to get some bottle and say, if you touch me again sleep with your eyes open. :rant:

 

 

Yeah, but not every female is wonder woman. When he's not beating her he'll be playing to her weaknesses and insecurities. As sad as it is, apart from a loving relationship some partners would rather be in a violent relationship than no relationship, the fear of being alone is greater than a whack once every so often, that's why it takes so long for the penny to drop. I'd lay a pound to a penny that the violence is only part of the problem. Manipulators and control freaks also aim to break emotionally.

 

As for the op (friend), keep a close eye on the situation. Forget the friendship beyond looking out for her safety. You may in the short term not be appreciated, but in the long term she'll come running and offer you her sincere gratitude, if she sees you as a friend that is.

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She needs someone to be strong for her while she can't. I know it's frustrating, I've both been there and seen it in one of my friends. After putting up for it for far too long with the 'I love him' excuse she kicked him out.

As for myself, I was lucky enough that my Mum knew something was wrong and phoned me one morning. She immediately offered me the key to her house and I shifted myself and the kids there. It only happened once and I was willing to make myself homeless to ensure it did not happen again. I also took pictures of the bruises inflicted.

I hope your friend sees sense, and soon. All you can do is be the best friend that you can while I know she's not gong to appreciate what she will see as your interference. Bless you for caring and wanting to do something about it rather than turn a blind eye.

Also, are there children involved? A health visitor/social services may be able to help.

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No you should not get involved. It's not your job to save anyone especially as they probably don't want to be saved. Remember, no good deed goes unpunished.

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Can the police get involved in cases of domestic abuse even when the victim doesn't want them to?

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Can the police get involved in cases of domestic abuse even when the victim doesn't want them to?

 

I guess they could, but their job would be far easier if the victim cooperated rather than defend the perp.

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I guess they could, but their job would be far easier if the victim cooperated rather than defend the perp.

 

If she has posted about getting a beating off him on FBI than I'm sure the police have enough by this alone to question him without her having to press make a complaint due to it being domestic violence.

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I guess they could, but their job would be far easier if the victim cooperated rather than defend the perp.

 

if the OP did get the police involved without the input of the person enduring the abuse, the person being abused may not thank them.

 

It all depends on where they are on the line of "i love them/ II won't put up with their abusive behaviour.

 

If you try to force her arm, it may drive her closer to her abuser.

 

Just let her know that you are there to support her, should she need it, and that you can provide a listening ear until such time as she feels ready to leave.

 

YOU can't make the split FOR the abused partner... THEY have to make the split for themselves, as much as you wish to do so.

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I agree with Medusa wholeheartedly on this especially with the friendship issue, while it's not happened to me I can't imagine walking around in public all bruised and battered (hit with a kettle on the head - he sounds a monster bully) and what happens when she sees her family?

 

 

May as well cut her losses asap because if she ever wants to start a family she's wasting her time with him

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The victim put up on facebook that her bf was beating her black and blue???

and she's staying with him??

 

Very odd.

 

Maybe she is chronicling the events for evidence, or maybe she is just one of those women who revel in such relationships and thinks she's a bit clever.

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