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Friend has violent partner. Should i get involved ?

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I fell out with my best friend over her choice of boyfriend as she said he hit her a few times. Shes been back with him a month and ive just seen on facebook that he hit her again. It said her face was black and blue. This was posted last monday though and dont think she will have taken any photos of what he did. I feel i should inform the police about this. Can i ask what others would do please and would they find out if it was me who rang the police ?

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You could pop into a station and ask the police but unless the girl presses charges there's little that they can do. I have had and have got friends who have been in violent relationships and you can tell them till you're blue in the face that they deserve better but more often than not as soon as the abuser says they are sorry and they'll never do it again they're forgiven and then it happens again.

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I was hoping the police would look at her facebook and go round there to speak to her alone and ask what she wanted to do.

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I was hoping the police would look at her facebook and go round there to speak to her alone and ask what she wanted to do.

its not quite as simple as that really, like wall said he'll say hes changed blah blah blah and hes sorry, she'll forgive him, itll be ok for a few days then off again he goes

IF she finds out you "grassed" itll destroy your friendship too

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its not quite as simple as that really, like wall said he'll say hes changed blah blah blah and hes sorry, she'll forgive him, itll be ok for a few days then off again he goes

IF she finds out you "grassed" itll destroy your friendship too

 

Only your friend can make the decision to leave, but you can be there to support her all the way. If you get the chance, please do urge her to keep essential items together - preferably in her knicker drawer. You can go for a few days with the clothes you stand up in, but a change or two of underwear are a comfort - things like bank cards, any personal documents, passport, driving licence, etc - gather them all in the drawer. That way she can grab her personals and be out in an emergency.

 

Women's Aid are a real help and can assist with refuge if necessary. Urge your friend to get advice, or get some details on her behalf.

 

Leaving an abusive partner is often a very hard thing to do! From the outside it may seem obvious, but where emotions are engaged then there is turmoil, fear and anxiety to come to terms with. Don't forget - you just might be her lifeline!

 

Keep on in there - she needs you.

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Only your friend can make the decision to leave, but you can be there to support her all the way. If you get the chance, please do urge her to keep essential items together - preferably in her knicker drawer. You can go for a few days with the clothes you stand up in, but a change or two of underwear are a comfort - things like bank cards, any personal documents, passport, driving licence, etc - gather them all in the drawer. That way she can grab her personals and be out in an emergency.

 

Women's Aid are a real help and can assist with refuge if necessary. Urge your friend to get advice, or get some details on her behalf.

 

Leaving an abusive partner is often a very hard thing to do! From the outside it may seem obvious, but where emotions are engaged then there is turmoil, fear and anxiety to come to terms with. Don't forget - you just might be her lifeline!

 

Keep on in there - she needs you.

indeed

 

Amy have you had a private chat to her about it? telling her its not normal, she CAN do better than him etc etc

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It's the most frustrating thing to see your friend go through this. I watched my best friend explain away cuts & bruises 'I tripped, I fell, he says he's going to change' etc etc. It took a long time and many visits from the police before she realised she had to get out (she still didn't press charges when he hit her in the head with a kettle)...the only thing I could do was be there for her...really I wanted to rip her fella's dangly bits off with my bare hands but that would have just made things worse for her.

 

Just prey that she comes to her senses very soon and make sure she knows you're there for her.

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It's the most frustrating thing to see your friend go through this. I watched my best friend explain away cuts & bruises 'I tripped, I fell, he says he's going to change' etc etc. It took a long time and many visits from the police before she realised she had to get out (she still didn't press charges when he hit her in the head with a kettle)...the only thing I could do was be there for her...really I wanted to rip her fella's dangly bits off with my bare hands but that would have just made things worse for her.

 

Just prey that she comes to her senses very soon and make sure she knows you're there for her.

 

Yep lets hope so.Why do some woman put up with such crap:confused:The I LOVE HIM thing makes no sense at all,how can you love somebody who treats you like that.I can understand to a degree someone could be too scared to leave,but surely no one should have to put up with that.:(

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The victim put up on facebook that her bf was beating her black and blue???

and she's staying with him??

 

Very odd.

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Only your friend can make the decision to leave, but you can be there to support her all the way. If you get the chance, please do urge her to keep essential items together - preferably in her knicker drawer. You can go for a few days with the clothes you stand up in, but a change or two of underwear are a comfort - things like bank cards, any personal documents, passport, driving licence, etc - gather them all in the drawer. That way she can grab her personals and be out in an emergency.

 

Women's Aid are a real help and can assist with refuge if necessary. Urge your friend to get advice, or get some details on her behalf.

 

Leaving an abusive partner is often a very hard thing to do! From the outside it may seem obvious, but where emotions are engaged then there is turmoil, fear and anxiety to come to terms with. Don't forget - you just might be her lifeline!

 

Keep on in there - she needs you.

 

^^^This :)

 

You are her friend- just be there being a good friend and not judging her situation. She may well need you in her hour of need making the break and she won't feel able to turn to you if you make your disapproval too plain.

 

Her life is hard enough at the moment without feeling that you're disapproving her, and her choices are so limited that you need to allow her to retain the most choices that she can.

 

All of the available evidence shows that on average a woman leaves an abusive partner 13 times before she makes it stick. The first 12 times aren't failures, she just has to go through all of the stages of being sure that he's not going to change and that she can cope with the world after leaving him.

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Yep lets hope so.Why do some woman put up with such crap:confused:The I LOVE HIM thing makes no sense at all,how can you love somebody who treats you like that.I can understand to a degree someone could be too scared to leave,but surely no one should have to put up with that.:(

 

I believe that some people cannot see any alternative to their current situation. Perhaps they feel trapped by financial constraints, or they just can't imagine a future alone.

 

---------- Post added 27-07-2013 at 16:20 ----------

 

^^^This :)

 

You are her friend- just be there being a good friend and not judging her situation. She may well need you in her hour of need making the break and she won't feel able to turn to you if you make your disapproval too plain.

 

Her life is hard enough at the moment without feeling that you're disapproving her, and her choices are so limited that you need to allow her to retain the most choices that she can.

 

All of the available evidence shows that on average a woman leaves an abusive partner 13 times before she makes it stick. The first 12 times aren't failures, she just has to go through all of the stages of being sure that he's not going to change and that she can cope with the world after leaving him.

 

I agree with this, some people who have experienced abuse will be fearful of people saying 'I told you so'. In fact someone I know admitted they stayed with their abusive partner because they felt the need to prove their family wrong.

I would say to the OP, make sure your friend knows you are there for her no matter what, and you will help with an escape route if you can if required.

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The victim put up on facebook that her bf was beating her black and blue???

and she's staying with him??

 

Very odd.

 

I worked with a woman who's B/F beat her. She stayed with him "because she loved him"

After 20 years the beatings had almost stopped, and were nowhere near as severe as when they started. Now she tells everyone how wrong they were to try and split them up because it all turned out ok in the end ?????

 

This is not uncommon sadly.

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