Time Machine (Dream or Nightmare?)

[G12Ravda 10]

Follow thread to Time Machine-a short rhyme to make you think

 

http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1359052984.doc

[Akeem B 10]

I love this poem, funny and playful. The rhyme included made it especially suitable for younger readers while the people you encounter in the poem are more likely to be recognized by adults. My favourite parts are the 5th, 6th and 7th stanzas:

 

"Mohammed sat with Jesus

and Buddha – in a wood.

They scratched their heads and sadly said,

“Why weren't we understood?”

 

Quality. Although I didn't get why Nefertiti would say 'methinks' that was odd, and the ending seemed too dark and not in tune with the rest of the poem if you ask me. Good work though, worth submitting to some sort of publication anyway.

[G12Ravda 10]

Thanks for taking the time to give your opinion. Methinks Nefertiti may

have had her own time-machine & travelled forward, to Shakespeare's time.

That's the only place the old girl could have picked up such talk!

I just put it in to make the rhyme work.

As to the 'dark' ending. I do this often in my work, to leave the reader

a little something to read about.

I'll put some lighter stuff out, later this week.

Thank you, once again Akeem B