Freemason's sacrificial altar of death found in my Crookes cellar .. Help!

[therascal 10]

Yesterday, I was ferreting round in the cellar/extensive catacombs, here at 'Area 51 and a half', in search of the elusive fuse board, when the beam from my 'Magilite' happened upon an extraordinary sight … a hitherto, undiscovered chamber!

A very dark chamber … even if the main electricity switch hadn't just tripped five minutes earlier.

 

Rather than vomiting out of sheer terror (as most would), I suppressed my gag reflexes and kicked in my natural curiosity ones.

The spiders webs at the entrance proved no contest to the 'scissors section' of my ever present Swiss Army knife and I stumbled forward with ease.

At first, it was far too dark to see, but, as I put the Swiss army knife back into my Terry-towelling nightgown and went back to retrieve the Magilite, things became a lot clearer.

 

The chamber was virtually empty … nothing apart from a couple of bags of ancient, solidified cement and a pile of old bricks. I turned to leave, but then a realisation struck my alert mind. The cement bags were leaning up against something and hiding it from view. What could it be?, I asked myself … there was only one way to find out! ...

 

The bags were too heavy to lift, and so required considerable effort (and an element of pain) to kick out of the way in my carpet slippers, revealing … a stone slab!

 

The slab was obviously centuries old and sat upon two brick columns at a height of roughly 26 ¼ inches. On top of the slab, a frightening sight to even those with a strong constitution … a rusty builder's trowel!

 

Well, let me tell you, I'm not renowned for being the sort of person who jumps to hasty conclusions, but the sight that lay before me was immediately obvious … this stone slab was in actual fact, a ceremonial, sacrificial altar of death, created by none other than the Freemasons … the trowel proved it!

 

I let out a shrill cry of terror and fled back out of the catacombs and up the stairs to the relative safety of the kitchen, where I collapsed on the Neo-Classical linoleum tiled floor, taking solace by hugging the washing machine until my fears and shaking subsided.

 

After a strong cup of tea, I finally managed to regain my senses. This resident evil, dwelling in the cellar, couldn't be left unabated. Girding my loins, I headed back down to the dungeon of death and depravity, this time wearing my safety hat and steel toe-capped carpet slippers.

 

My very worst fears were confirmed .

 

The sacrificial chamber is very definitely the work of the Freemasons … the bags of cement bear their secret symbol … a large blue circle! This is obviously the 'All seeing Eye'

Moreover, although the bags had sustained considerable damage due to my earlier attempt at moving them, I was able to discern the word 'Portland' in capital letters. Of course, being well read in all things Masonic, I'm well aware that they use anagrams to conceal hidden messages. I've now translated this cryptogram to 'Lord Pant' using my number-crunching 'Enigmalco Machine' (retro-engineered by myself from old watch parts)

Obviously, Lord Pant must have been the name of the High Priest conducting the sacrifices on the stone altar with the sacrificial trowel … the 'Mason's trowel'!

Then another shocking revelation … earlier, I'd roughly estimated the height of the altar to be 26 ¼ inches … What was I thinking!? 26 ¼ inches is 666mm … the sign of the metric Devil!

 

I also realised that if you squint at the old pile of bricks, with a little imagination they resemble a pyramid! The shock was unbearable … I ran away again!

 

Anyway, as you can plainly see, I definitely have a Masonic sacrificial chamber in my cellar and

I really don't know what to do about it! Should I go back in the cellar? Are you an expert in Symbology or palimpsests? Maybe you're a Freemason?

Is there anyone out there who can help me!?

 

I know I am new to the forum but, are all forum members as weird as you or, have you just been released from a sanitorium somewhere?.

[bullerboY 10]

J.K.Rowlings has great worries now especially if you get the film out. Keep em Coming Alco.

[babybel 10]

Had a right giggle reading this, are you a writer by any chance?

 

[adamf 10]

Although this thread is "quirky", I did actually find what looks like a grave in my cellar. Including a hidden bricked up wall, 8ft long mound of earth and a wooden cross at the end.

 

I bet there was a nice cask of Amontillado inside.

[rossyrooney 12]

I know I am new to the forum but, are all forum members as weird as you or, have you just been released from a sanitorium somewhere?.

 

Alco has official documentation that he's sane.........................do you?

 

As i thought,whose the sanerist now eh??????????????????

[Alcoblog 10]

Well, I had a pretty sleepless night due to the fact that I'm now pretty certain that there're Freemasons in my cellar!

 

Not wishing to encounter a 'near death' experience at the hands of a Grand Master, wielding a sacrificial building trowel, I took precautionary measures to further my investigations into the Masonic mystery today.

 

Lowering the Hasselblad 130 megapixel camera (via a piece of string) through a cunningly crafted hole in the floorboards, I managed to take this high resolution picture of one of the cement bags.

Now ... I don't know if all of you can see this, but if you look very carefully at the top of the image, you may be able to discern what appears to be the word 'Mastercrete' ... yes?

 

Obviously, once again (in true Masonic cryptology), this is a secret code ... an 'anagram' if you will.

No problem for me and my home-made code breaking machine though! The nonsensical array of pictograms soon succumbed to the number-crunching might of the machine to reveal their real meaning ... 'SECRET MATER' !

 

'A dastardly foreign language!' I hear you scream, but don't worry! ... a quick spell on Babel Fish soon revealed this to mean ... 'Secret mother'!

 

So, there we have it ... I've already established (post #1) that Lord Pant is involved in this Masonic sacrificial altar of death in my cellar ... now we have what appears to be his mother too!

 

It's beginning to look like a mother and son section of the Freemasons formed an offshoot 'Order of the Blue Circle' (probably because ladies aren't allowed in the Masons), in order to perform their ritualistic dirty deeds, many moons ago, in my cellar!

 

I shall, of course, keep you informed of other breakthroughs in this mystery as they happen. I'm off to carry out forensics on the ceremonial trowel (if I can hook it with the string)

[Alcoblog 10]

Alco has official documentation that he's sane.........................do you?

 

As i thought,whose the sanerist now eh??????????????????

 

Thanks for sorting that out RR ... I do indeed have a 'Sanity Clause' written into my 'Permission to use Fissile Materials' certificate. (PTUFM)

Unfortunately the wax crayons have smudged on it, so I'm sending off for a new one ... at the mo, it looks like 'Santa Claus'!

[shanes teeth 10]

I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but what is going on in your cellar is not something in the past. It is happening NOW!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a bit of an expert on cement bags (I eat several bags a week)and I can tell you that,without shadow of a doubt,that the bag in your picture is a modern plastic bag.

Someone(or something) is getting into your cellar TONIGHT.Or LASTNIGHT.Or THE NIGHT BEFORE. Or ONE NIGHT LAST WEEK!

Have you checked for secret tunnels by which these people or things can enter.As you are,I'm sure,well aware of the network of secret tunnels that riddle the ground under the ancient kingdom of Crookes.It could be a branch of the tunnel that links the Bolehill Fisheries with the ancient sacrificial site that is The Noahs Ark (a thinnly disguised name for a place that supplied victims for animal sacrifice)

Think on!

[rossyrooney 12]

I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but what is going on in your cellar is not something in the past. It is happening NOW!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a bit of an expert on cement bags (I eat several bags a week)and I can tell you that,without shadow of a doubt,that the bag in your picture is a modern plastic bag.

Someone(or something) is getting into your cellar TONIGHT.Or LASTNIGHT.Or THE NIGHT BEFORE. Or ONE NIGHT LAST WEEK!

Have you checked for secret tunnels by which these people or things can enter.As you are,I'm sure,well aware of the network of secret tunnels that riddle the ground under the ancient kingdom of Crookes.It could be a branch of the tunnel that links the Bolehill Fisheries with the ancient sacrificial site that is The Noahs Ark (a thinnly disguised name for a place that supplied victims for animal sacrifice)

Think on!

 

This gets mysteriouser and mysteriouser.....how in heavens name did a modern cement get down there all those years ago?

 

I can only assume that they were Masonic time travellers,maybe it's time to fire up the Alcocopter A.B.,........IT SEEMS THESE PEOPLE MEAN BUSINESS......... :gag:

[Arfer Mo 10]

l have never read such rubbish on this forum, its about time some people had something sensible to say. Arfer Mo.

[Alcoblog 10]

l have never read such rubbish on this forum, its about time some people had something sensible to say. Arfer Mo.

 

On ne vous demande de lire ce qui a été votre décision !

[rossyrooney 12]

l have never read such rubbish on this forum, its about time some people had something sensible to say. Arfer Mo.

 

Pleearse thisen Arfer............is that sensible enough for you?