Freemason's sacrificial altar of death found in my Crookes cellar .. Help!

[Alcoblog 10]

Yesterday, I was ferreting round in the cellar/extensive catacombs, here at 'Area 51 and a half', in search of the elusive fuse board, when the beam from my 'Magilite' happened upon an extraordinary sight … a hitherto, undiscovered chamber!

A very dark chamber … even if the main electricity switch hadn't just tripped five minutes earlier.

 

Rather than vomiting out of sheer terror (as most would), I suppressed my gag reflexes and kicked in my natural curiosity ones.

The spiders webs at the entrance proved no contest to the 'scissors section' of my ever present Swiss Army knife and I stumbled forward with ease.

At first, it was far too dark to see, but, as I put the Swiss army knife back into my Terry-towelling nightgown and went back to retrieve the Magilite, things became a lot clearer.

 

The chamber was virtually empty … nothing apart from a couple of bags of ancient, solidified cement and a pile of old bricks. I turned to leave, but then a realisation struck my alert mind. The cement bags were leaning up against something and hiding it from view. What could it be?, I asked myself … there was only one way to find out! ...

 

The bags were too heavy to lift, and so required considerable effort (and an element of pain) to kick out of the way in my carpet slippers, revealing … a stone slab!

 

The slab was obviously centuries old and sat upon two brick columns at a height of roughly 26 ¼ inches. On top of the slab, a frightening sight to even those with a strong constitution … a rusty builder's trowel!

 

Well, let me tell you, I'm not renowned for being the sort of person who jumps to hasty conclusions, but the sight that lay before me was immediately obvious … this stone slab was in actual fact, a ceremonial, sacrificial altar of death, created by none other than the Freemasons … the trowel proved it!

 

I let out a shrill cry of terror and fled back out of the catacombs and up the stairs to the relative safety of the kitchen, where I collapsed on the Neo-Classical linoleum tiled floor, taking solace by hugging the washing machine until my fears and shaking subsided.

 

After a strong cup of tea, I finally managed to regain my senses. This resident evil, dwelling in the cellar, couldn't be left unabated. Girding my loins, I headed back down to the dungeon of death and depravity, this time wearing my safety hat and steel toe-capped carpet slippers.

 

My very worst fears were confirmed .

 

The sacrificial chamber is very definitely the work of the Freemasons … the bags of cement bear their secret symbol … a large blue circle! This is obviously the 'All seeing Eye'

Moreover, although the bags had sustained considerable damage due to my earlier attempt at moving them, I was able to discern the word 'Portland' in capital letters. Of course, being well read in all things Masonic, I'm well aware that they use anagrams to conceal hidden messages. I've now translated this cryptogram to 'Lord Pant' using my number-crunching 'Enigmalco Machine' (retro-engineered by myself from old watch parts)

Obviously, Lord Pant must have been the name of the High Priest conducting the sacrifices on the stone altar with the sacrificial trowel … the 'Mason's trowel'!

Then another shocking revelation … earlier, I'd roughly estimated the height of the altar to be 26 ¼ inches … What was I thinking!? 26 ¼ inches is 666mm … the sign of the metric Devil!

 

I also realised that if you squint at the old pile of bricks, with a little imagination they resemble a pyramid! The shock was unbearable … I ran away again!

 

Anyway, as you can plainly see, I definitely have a Masonic sacrificial chamber in my cellar and

I really don't know what to do about it! Should I go back in the cellar? Are you an expert in Symbology or palimpsests? Maybe you're a Freemason?

Is there anyone out there who can help me!?

[beefface 10]

Do you have a job, relationship, family etc?

[bullerboY 10]

Add more water to your whisky.

[mickymouse 10]

write a bit more next time

[bossdogg 10]

the only person that can help you is sir jimmy saville sadly now departed or you could try any high ranking police officer

[spooferman 10]

any photos of the slab ??

[dragoness 10]

Stone slabs like this were routinely placed in cellars for keeping things cool before the advent of fridges. Should you also find a smallish metal cabinet with small mesh holes in you can be assured that it is an old 'meat safe' and not a cage for some sort of goblin familiar

[shanes teeth 10]

I'll bet that the bricks have imprinted in their frog the name Gregory.This is an obvious referance to Pope Gregory I who,I believe ,is held in high esteem to this day by lodge members.Probably.

[freeman78 10]

hmmm you been on the marijuana brewed beer

[Bethsmummy 10]

People still wear terry toweling???

[freeman78 10]

and 616 is the true sign of the devil

its more about 3s 7s and 9s with the masons

[Gazza58 10]

I'll bet that the bricks have imprinted in their frog the name Gregory.This is an obvious referance to Pope Gregory I who,I believe ,is held in high esteem to this day by lodge members.Probably.

 

:hihi: