The Bernard Manning debate

[callippo 10]

some of his jokes were just hilarious

 

Man says to his wife: ‘Pack your bags, I’ve won the lottery.’

 

She says: ‘What should I pack? Something light, something warm? Where are we going?’

 

He says: ‘We’re going nowhere. Just pack your bags and **** off.’

 

guy walked into a Chinese take away and says, 'hey, you!'

 

the bloke behind the counter says, 'how you know my name?'

 

a black bloke walks into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder. The barman says 'where did you find that?'

 

the parrot says 'Africa, mate. There's ****ing millions of them'.

 

if somebody doesn't find jokes like that pretty damn funny, then there's something wrong with them.

[larky 10]

some of his jokes were just hilarious

 

Man says to his wife: ‘Pack your bags, I’ve won the lottery.’

 

She says: ‘What should I pack? Something light, something warm? Where are we going?’

 

He says: ‘We’re going nowhere. Just pack your bags and **** off.’

 

guy walked into a Chinese take away and says, 'hey, you!'

 

the bloke behind the counter says, 'how you know my name?'

 

a black bloke walks into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder. The barman says 'where did you find that?' the parrot says 'Africa, mate. There's ****ing millions of them'.

 

if somebody doesn't find jokes like that pretty damn funny, then there's something wrong with them.

 

I totally agree LMAO

[alchresearch 215]

The Chinese one was an old Tom O Connor joke. I think it was originally "Oi you".

 

My favourite Bernard joke was the Yorkshire couple on a self catering holiday in Spain.

 

The wife says "Hey George we've forgotten to bring the Bisto gravy".

Husband says "I don't think we'll be able to buy it in shops here".

Wife says "I think the couple next door are English, go and ask them".

 

So husband goes round, knocks on the door and says (in Yorkshire accent) "Hast da any Bisto".

 

Man answering door says "book off you Spanish runt"

[larky 10]

The Chinese one was an old Tom O Connor joke. I think it was originally "Oi you".

 

My favourite Bernard joke was the Yorkshire couple on a self catering holiday in Spain.

 

The wife says "Hey George we've forgotten to bring the Bisto gravy".

Husband says "I don't think we'll be able to buy it in shops here".

Wife says "I think the couple next door are English, go and ask them".

 

So husband goes round, knocks on the door and says (in Yorkshire accent) "Hast da any Bisto".

 

Man answering door says "book off you Spanish runt"

 

at ^^

 

Joke vv

 

Guy goes to Dentist to have a tooth pulled

dentist looks sais to the guy ye that tooth is bad, and certainly has to come out.

 

Dentist sais vv

 

Gas shall do the job

Guy sais But am scared of masks and Gas, and so it isnae fir me

 

Dentist then leaves the guy in the chair, comes back with a needle

Guy sais but needles am too scared from them , needles aint fir me either

 

So Dentist Sais to the Guy, Well then are you ok with taking a Pill

Guy sais Oh ye am ok with taking a pill likes

 

Dentist then hands the guy a Viagra pill

Guy sais but this pill isnt fir pain, this is a Viagra pill

 

Dentist sais a know it isnae fir pain

BUT it'll give ye something tae hold onto

Edited September 28, 2012 by larky

[Penistone999 10]

Bernard was superb, a true comedian ,and very funny. Ok , if you are of a touchy persuasion and without a sense of humour you wont like him , but its your loss.

[Jim Hardie 527]

I saw Bernard Manning a few times at various venues and in front of different types of audiences in the seventies. For instance I saw him at Mr Smith's in Manchester where the barmaids were topless and at the Grosvenor here in Sheffield in the company of my mother and father.

His job was to make his audience laugh and he always tailored his act to his audience. It was no surprise to me when I heard the secret recording of his act at the charity police ball in Liverpool although it did make me cringe. Again he had made an accurate assessment of his audience and told jokes that made them laugh.

[Cycleracer 10]

Some of the jokes on here had me in stitches typical humour of the 70s Bernard manning was one of the funniest comedians ever and though not everyones cuppa tea he beats the current lot hands down barring the odd one.

Its only a matter of time before Peter kay's humour gets the pc brigade grumbling in lots of ways he reminds me of the Manning humour but without the "racism" side his jokes.

Good Northern Comedians are the best in my view and Manning was number 1