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Syrup's Joke Thread (part 8)

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I love warm summer nights when you can open all the windows and fall asleep naked.

 

Not sure the taxi driver appreciates it though.

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I was at a fancy dress party the other night when a big fat girl came over to me. She blushed & said "I really really fancy you "

."Calm down luv " I replied "it's just a costume , I'm not a real doughnut"

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‎50 shades of Liverpool..

 

"Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill those lonely hours between Jeremy Kyle and Loose Women". "As he approached, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my fila tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight.""As I stood in line at the Job Centre a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Tesco Express. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same!"

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I beat my bitch of a girlfriend with a tennis racket.

 

Served her right.

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Be nice to fat people,

They have enough on their plate

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On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

 

"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me... in me, I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?"

 

The Englishman said, "Very sporting of your mother."

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If the Olympics have taught me anything it's that China may have a population of over 1 billion...

 

But they only have two hair styles.

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"999 emergency services police department, how can I help?"

 

"A man has broken into my house, he has a gun and has my wife hostage."

 

"Sorry, sir, but we do not have any units available right now."

 

"Okay, but someone has just called me a nasty word on Twitter."

 

"Why didn't you say? We'll have an officer around within five minutes."

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There has been speculation that 16-year-old Chinese swimming sensation Ye Shiwen used performance-enhancing drugs to achieve her Olympic gold medal. However, a semen sample she provided after the race has shown that this is untrue.

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Britain come away with 5 golds, 5 silvers and 3 bronze medals.

 

That will teach the Chinese a lesson for leaving their locker open

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Of course Team GB ladies won the rowing... its the same basic movement as ironing

 

 

Sorry ladies....:hihi::hihi:

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