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This is a story about a girl called Ana {who} lives in Sheffield with her mother, Ella, a school teacher. They belong to a lower-middle class family. Ella’s wealthy nephew, Mark also introduced alongside his best friend (and maternal cousin), Amy. Unknown to Mark, Amy is deeply In love with him. Both Mark and Amy’s mothers, Sarah and Lisa, assume that Mark will eventually propose to Amy since they have always been so close. It is soon revealed that Ella is diagnosed with cancer and she requests her brother, Josh, Mark’s rich father, to help her in this dire time of need out of guilt for neglecting his sister’s welfare for so long.

 

The whole story as posted at the start of the thread is about 3200 words long. This is too short for a book. HOWEVER, as a draft synopsis, it may be possible to use it as the basis of a much longer book. I don't know what the numbers are meant to signify: pages, chapters, scenes?

 

Taking the above (corrected to add capital letters and apostrophes) extract as the start of a longer work, think about introducing more detail about these characters. As it stands, you have six characters in the first 112 words.

 

Ana is this short for Anastasia or is it a misprint for Anna? How old is she? What does she look like? What are her interests? What does she do for a living? Where does she live?

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May be the advice you should give and take is get to the point. Pages of twaddle before you smack the kid with reality.

 

It's crap; kid's crap.

 

It's also called tough love.

 

Ever tried it?

 

Indulge the Brats thread.

 

And the rantings of a troll no-doubt

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And the rantings of a troll no-doubt

 

I could not have put that better myself. This is a novel attempt from a 12 year old, who is trying to find some constructive criticism regarding the "book" that is posted on here.

 

If this was my own child, I would be encouraging and not giving out "TOUGH LOVE" as mentioned here. Mr Gobby hit the nail on the head with the rantings, if you have nothing constructive to say, just leave it to someone else. This person needs encouragement, and I would love to hear that we as a group helped to improve the writing skill and have this person published in years to come. We are all in this group for a reason, whether it is to give advice or to ask for advice, either way, we should be supportive.

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Quite right, Pip. And clearly Aisha was appreciative of your comments.

 

Mantaspook posted some useful guidelines for our group: Writers' Group guidelines & etiquette.

 

Honesty is important, but it can also be misused as a weapon to create conflict. When commenting on other people's work, Mantaspook's suggestion is to "be gentle, but tell the truth". I think that's pretty good advice.

 

I suspect that owethemnowt has something to say, and I am hopeful that his talent for creating conflict will eventually be expressed through his fictional characters rather than in his comments to fellow writers.

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Quite right, Pip. And clearly Aisha was appreciative of your comments.

 

Mantaspook posted some useful guidelines for our group: Writers' Group guidelines & etiquette.

 

Honesty is important, but it can also be misused as a weapon to create conflict. When commenting on other people's work, Mantaspook's suggestion is to "be gentle, but tell the truth". I think that's pretty good advice.

 

I suspect that owethemnowt has something to say, and I am hopeful that his talent for creating conflict will eventually be expressed through his fictional characters rather than in his comments to fellow writers.

 

Thank you for your support here, I am all for improving the art of writing, whether it be my own or someone else who needs help and advice. If owethemnowt has an opinion, then I would read it, but to insult the younger generation for trying, is just not appropriate behavior in my opinion. If owethemnowt is such a great writer that needs no help, then they should post their story on here for everyone to see.

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I could not have put that better myself. This is a novel attempt from a 12 year old, who is trying to find some constructive criticism regarding the "book" that is posted on here.

 

If this was my own child, I would be encouraging and not giving out "TOUGH LOVE" as mentioned here. Mr Gobby hit the nail on the head with the rantings, if you have nothing constructive to say, just leave it to someone else. This person needs encouragement, and I would love to hear that we as a group helped to improve the writing skill and have this person published in years to come. We are all in this group for a reason, whether it is to give advice or to ask for advice, either way, we should be supportive.

thnks you sooo much thts really nice of u being so nice

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Quite right, Pip. And clearly Aisha was appreciative of your comments.

 

Mantaspook posted some useful guidelines for our group: Writers' Group guidelines & etiquette.

 

Honesty is important, but it can also be misused as a weapon to create conflict. When commenting on other people's work, Mantaspook's suggestion is to "be gentle, but tell the truth". I think that's pretty good advice.

 

I suspect that owethemnowt has something to say, and I am hopeful that his talent for creating conflict will eventually be expressed through his fictional characters rather than in his comments to fellow writers.

thnks u soo much its relly nice of u being so nice

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just to let u know tht this is only the rough writing of my book i got the illustration n pics n writting everything in a book i have made my own one this is only the writting for the book

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just to let u know tht this is only the rough writing of my book i got the illustration n pics n writting everything in a book i have made my own one this is only the writting for the book

 

To be honest i don't believe your genuine about this and more than likely you're using another user name as is often done on here or is your writing and grammar in regression.I suspect i know who you are .It's a shame you have nothing better to do than play childish games.

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To be honest i don't believe your genuine about this and more than likely you're using another user name as is often done on here or is your writing and grammar in regression.I suspect i know who you are .It's a shame you have nothing better to do than play childish games.

well say anything you want i m not bothered me only 12 but still say anything i m not really bothered

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people can you please kindly look at my work and give me some feedbacks as i appericiate your feedbacks

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To be honest i don't believe your genuine about this and more than likely you're using another user name as is often done on here or is your writing and grammar in regression.I suspect i know who you are .It's a shame you have nothing better to do than play childish games.

 

I also suspect this is a wind up. This individual has posted a thread on the discussions forum about girls being unfairly treated, in which her grammar and spelling are far worse than on here. Also, here she claims to be twelve but says she is thirteen on the other post.These inconsistencies are highly suspicious and I think somebody is having a laugh.

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