Am I wrong to ask sister to move back?

[HeadingNorth 11]

It's not wrong to want her back; it's not wrong to ask her if she would consider moving back.

 

It would be wrong to try and exert pressure on her choices; she does, after all, have her own life to lead.

[Darth Vader 10]

I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter, it must be terrible for you.

 

I can understand your disappointment and frustration. It's impossible to judge someone and say 'if I was her, I would do X....' without actually walking in their shoes.

 

I think AnnaB raises some excellent points. Instead of focussing on the negative, ie that your sister will not return home, which may harm your relationship and your personal happiness, try not to judge her, as she is probably feeling bad about is as well. Instead, try and focus on the positive - ie what you both CAN do, as others have suggested, phone calls, skype face to face calls, and maybe your sister would come and visit for a day or two, staying with you or nearby. As you have said, you don't know what precious time you have left with your daughter, and you don't want this sort of 'ill feeling' or negativity towards your sister, to have an affect on your mood and your day to day. I'm sorry if this at all sounds patronising, as I can't pretend to imagine what you are going through, and I know there is no substitute for your sister being there, but it does sound like there are many other positive helpful people in your life too, which must be a blessing.

[medusa 16]

This is so sad and I really feel for you.

 

But unfortunately we have to let others live their lives as best they can. Please try not to feel bitter, it will only destroy your relationship, and then you won't have a sister at all. She probably feels awful anyway, and guilt can build a wall so try not to blame her. Can you keep in touch by phone, skype, etc?

 

If you qualify for respite care, perhaps you could visit your sister alone. It would do you good to have somewhere where you can rest and recuperate a while, be yourself and enjoy your sister's company.

 

^^^What she says.

 

If your sister moves back here because you want her to then there's every possibility that either she or someone else in her family will resent moving to be close to you and that's really not a positive way forwards.

 

Much better to miss her, tell her often and fondly that you love her and visit her if you have the opportunity.

[Blondie73 10]

I hear you guys.

 

I just feel betrayed I guess if that is the right word?I am very close to our mum and see her weekly.Sis is very jealous of this relationship and says I am her favourite.She made the decision to move and carn't have it both ways.

 

My daughter met Westlife last year as part of her Make a Wish.Mum came with us and my other daughter.Sis rang us both up the next day and told us both off as it should of been her that came.That hurt me as she could be so bitter given the tragic circumstance.

[[Matt] 10]

Isnt it rather selfish to demand your sister moves back to be close to you only because you want her to? Not only does she have her own life to lead, but your also asking her husband to give up his job and home to move somewhere he may not want to, and her children to give up their friends for the sole reason that you'd like to live closer to your sister? Not cool in my opinion. Let them be free to live their own lives.

[Blondie73 10]

Am I the only one who would move heaven and hell to help their sibling if their child was dying,despite my own/families personal costs?

[Darth Vader 10]

Ah, I remember that clearly now. What a lovely time for you all with Westlife.

 

On the face of it, it does seem a strange reaction, I can only presume that your sister is not totally happy with how things are either, but is just doing what she thinks she has to/or is in the best interests of her children. I really think you two need to have a positive conversation with each other, sooner rather than later, it sounds like you really do care a lot about each other and need that contact.

Edited June 14, 2012 by Darth Vader

[Sierra 22]

I hear you guys.

 

I just feel betrayed I guess if that is the right word?I am very close to our mum and see her weekly.Sis is very jealous of this relationship and says I am her favourite.She made the decision to move and carn't have it both ways.

 

My daughter met Westlife last year as part of her Make a Wish.Mum came with us and my other daughter.Sis rang us both up the next day and told us both off as it should of been her that came.That hurt me as she could be so bitter given the tragic circumstance.

 

Ah, this makes things a bit clearer. I'm sorry, but that wasn't very nice of your sister to do that. She should have kept her feelings to herself and focused on her niece, who is after all, very ill. I'm sure she's let your mother hear all about her displeasure as well. Which is just what your mom needs at her age and with a sick grandchild.

 

Can I ask? Is your sister calling you selfish because she feels you are now mum's favorite, yet if you point out that she's the one who moved away, she gets angry? You're right, she can't have it both ways and she needs to either move back or shut the hell up.

[Blondie73 10]

My sis eldest daughter has Aspergers, a milder form of Autism.She needs support to.As my mum lives near me and not her she feels it's all about my daughter and no one cares for her situation.Still seeing her daughter and my daughter side by side I know which I would chose to live with.

I feel all would benefit if they moved back.The kids would be closer to both sets of grandparents and cousins ect.

[Blondie73 10]

Yeah we had thought of that.

 

Unfortunately my daughter's illness is rare on the specialist field.We have regular visits to hospitals,both local and about an hour in the car away.To find another team of doctors,physios,speech and language therapists who know about the illness would be hard.Her team have had at least one case before her so have some understanding.Plus her team have been with my daughter since very early diagnosis so know her well and vice versa.To change all that now I don't think she would cope with.

 

Plus my mum and dad already sees one set of grand kids rarely,to take mine away to I think is cruel, especially as my daughter's time is limited.

Edited June 14, 2012 by Blondie73