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BBC reports that Gary Neville is to build a hotel near Old Trafford football ground. Manchester United has objected. More objectionable, though, is this horrid quotation from MUFC's objection:

 

"MUFC have a strategic plan for the continuing enhancement of the area surrounding the stadium and this holistic vision includes hospitality, conference, retail and visitor facilities.

 

The provision of third party facilities such as those proposed could undermine this vision to the detriment of its deliverability."

 

Eh? What might it mean? Let's try to re-write it in English.

 

MUFC wants to improve the area surrounding the stadium. It plans hospitality, conference, retail and visitor facilities. Other people doing this might affect MUFC's plans."

 

Better or not?

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BBC reports that Gary Neville is to build a hotel near Old Trafford football ground. Manchester United has objected. More objectionable, though, is this horrid quotation from MUFC's objection:

 

"MUFC have a strategic plan for the continuing enhancement of the area surrounding the stadium and this holistic vision includes hospitality, conference, retail and visitor facilities.

 

The provision of third party facilities such as those proposed could undermine this vision to the detriment of its deliverability."

 

Eh? What might it mean? Let's try to re-write it in English.

 

MUFC wants to improve the area surrounding the stadium. It plans hospitality, conference, retail and visitor facilities. Other people doing this might affect MUFC's plans."

 

Better or not?

 

I agree but I also thought that you legal types are into blinding people with the kind of language that cause the reader to glaze over before the comprehension of words sinks in.

 

A more honest way of expressing the sentence should read something like:-

 

"MUFC are so arrogant and egocentric with the desire to own all we survey that we intend to stamp our feet and spit out our dummy if we cant control everything".

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better still "MUFC have a plan to make lots of money out of the area surrounding the stadium by building hospitality, conference, retail and visitor facilities and every penny of profit will go straight back to MUFC. Allowing third parties to do this instead will significantly affect the rate at which MUFC profits increase because they will still go up, just not as quickly or by as much. So MUFC would really like a monopoly because despite not actually needing it, they really want the money."

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BBC reports that Gary Neville is to build a hotel near Old Trafford football ground. Manchester United has objected. More objectionable, though, is this horrid quotation from MUFC's objection:

 

"MUFC have a strategic plan for the continuing enhancement of the area surrounding the stadium and this holistic vision includes hospitality, conference, retail and visitor facilities.

 

The provision of third party facilities such as those proposed could undermine this vision to the detriment of its deliverability."

 

Eh? What might it mean? Let's try to re-write it in English.

 

MUFC wants to improve the area surrounding the stadium. It plans hospitality, conference, retail and visitor facilities. Other people doing this might affect MUFC's plans."

 

Better or not?

 

Anything involving Gary Neville is bound to be ugly. He looks like a rat with a heroin addiction!

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I agree but I also thought that you legal types are into blinding people with the kind of language that cause the reader to glaze over before the comprehension of words sinks in.

No, not I- only bad people do that.

PLUS the MUFC wording is not from a Deed or technical legal document- it's just a press release or planning objection.

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BBC reports that Gary Neville is to build a hotel near Old Trafford football ground. Manchester United has objected. More objectionable, though, is this horrid quotation from MUFC's objection:

 

"MUFC have a strategic plan for the continuing enhancement of the area surrounding the stadium and this holistic vision includes hospitality, conference, retail and visitor facilities.

 

The provision of third party facilities such as those proposed could undermine this vision to the detriment of its deliverability."

 

Eh? What might it mean? Let's try to re-write it in English.

 

MUFC wants to improve the area surrounding the stadium. It plans hospitality, conference, retail and visitor facilities. Other people doing this might affect MUFC's plans."

 

Better or not?

 

I can make a window to discuss your knowledge-based relative capability.

 

http://www.plainenglish.co.uk/examples/gobbledygook-generator.html

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MUFC wants to improve the area surrounding the stadium. It plans hospitality, conference, retail and visitor facilities. Other people doing this might affect MUFC's plans."

 

 

A fan of the semicolon might revise the above to read, "MUFC wants to improve the area surrounding the stadium; it plans hospitality, conference, retail and visitor facilities. Other people doing this might affect MUFC's plans."

 

Even more beautiful!

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