May 2012 theme and competition entries

[mr_blue_owl 10]

Sorry, Mate

I made it available in red and white or blue and white, Owls or Blades in the Sheffield shops, two seperate comics... both the same story just the colours change and the odd word, as they get drawn away every round in FACup.

The plus is, if you went for blue and white, they beat United in the third round and visa-versa befioe taking on Man Utd.

 

Hi Craig,

Cannot fault you for fair play!

[Tallyman 10]

Hello

I've just joined the Writer's Group, but I write and draw comedy horror comics with Sheffield locations, could I enter one into this competition?

cheers

Craig

 

Hello Craig, welcome to the group, and apologies for the delay in seeing your post.

 

You are very welcome to post your comics in the forum. If the subject fits in with the monthly theme, then feel free to post them in the monthly theme thread (this one is just closing, as it was for May, but check out the June theme). If your subject doesn't fit in with the theme, then just post your comic as a new topic in the forum. We'd all be very pleased to see it!

 

Tallyman

[Tallyman 10]

Thank you to everyone who entered the May competition. I'll be announcing the winner shortly!

 

Tallyman

[Tallyman 10]

Thank you to everyone who entered the May competition, and a warm welcome to who chose this month for their debut. Please keep entering your pieces in the monthly competitions, they are a real treat to read!

 

This is what I thought as I read through the entries:

 

Sci fi: A neat double link to the theme through a distress call and characters' names. I could sense the anticipation surrounding the opening of the airlock and discovery of whatever may lie on the other side. Because of that, I was a little disappointed at the ending as I wanted to find out why the ship was deserted! Having said that, you did end with a nice futuristic twist to reinvigorate an old theme.

 

Mr Blue Owl: Poetry is so much more difficult to get right than prose, I feel. It needs not just the right words but also the right order, pattern and rhythm. Your piece connected with me in a heartbeat, made me feel so desperately sad for all those involved, gave me a moment's hope and then let it go. It brought tears to my eyes, and I can't think of another poem that's done that for me.

 

Sugarnspice: May really doesn't have a good time of it, does she. I felt for her as circumstances conspired to create the day from hell. I like the imagery of the lemon yellow kitchen and her daffodil mug: bright and sunny like the mood I feel she wants to have, but at the same time as bitter as the reality of her life. And Rodger's shenanigans to top it all off. I wonder what May did next? I almost think she'd offer them both a cup of tea!

 

De Batz: A gritty piece from you this month, a tale of change. It all felt very real and somehow in the right order: the revelation about Mum's 'bloke', then recollecting how she and Dad had met, then his attempts to make Helen seem more of an equal. Helen is clearly fed up with both of them, but I wonder if that's her knee jerk reaction to the news or whether her relationship with her parents had soured over time?

 

Owethemnowt: One word: chilling. No, more words: disturbing, horrific, bleak, and so very well crafted. I really didn't want to linger over the ending at all; it was shocking and unpleasant, but I still had to read it. Your characters were predictably different and painted so efficiently: 'fastening her coat, as if she ever needed holding together' is such a good line (and, with the single word 'ever' included, changing her instantly from vulnerable to invulnerable). Very impressive indeed, but certainly no comedy.

 

This was not an easy decision at all, with a number of very worthy entries. In the end, I couldn't separate two of them and so I am announcing a tie between Mr Blue Owl's heart-rending poem and Owethemnowt's bleak and unnerving tale. Congratulations to you both!

 

On a practical note, Mr Blue Owl is already choosing the theme for June, so could I ask Owethemnowt to do the honours with July's theme?

 

Thanks again to everyone who took part!

 

Tallyman

Edited June 1, 2012 by Tallyman

[mr_blue_owl 10]

Thank you for your kind words regarding my contribution. They are most appreciated as always.

[sci fi 10]

thanks for your input tallyman, I am new to writing and appreciate a little critic. I will try to spend more than half an hour on the next one. :0)

[Ron Blanco 10]

Congratulations to Mr Blue Owl and Owethemnowt. Two gripping scenes.

 

Sci fi, I have to admit that during these recession-hit, rain-filled times your story came as some welcome light relief. I was suckered into the story, and laughed at the end.

 

Sugarnspice, I enjoyed your mischievous interpretation of the story. I felt particularly sorry for May at this point: "...Pauline chattered non-stop about herself, her children, how clever they are..." . I'm also wondering what May's reaction might be to the ending? "Oh dear, there won't be enough eggs and chips for three!"

 

DB, I think you created an authentic teenage voice. The final two sentences seemed to say a lot about the daughter's view of her parents, and rounded the piece off nicely. (Ps in the penultimate sentence did you mean 'until' instead of 'while'?).

 

Thanks, Tallyman, for overseeing this month's theme. I had intended participating myself, but my idea for a drug-dealing milkmaid at a May Day festival just didn't come together.

Edited June 8, 2012 by Ron Blanco

[De Batz 10]

'While' is 'until' to many Sheffielders. Did you recognise Helen as the daughter from the novel beginning I posted a few weeks ago?

[Ron Blanco 10]

'While' is 'until' to many Sheffielders. Did you recognise Helen as the daughter from the novel beginning I posted a few weeks ago?

 

Well I never! Is it really? I should have known you would take more care than to leave a glaring typo like that. I'll get my coat.

 

As for Helen, I didn't make the connection until (while?) you mentioned it.

[De Batz 10]

Now here's a thing.

 

http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?t=11463

 

There are times - and I can't quite put my finger on it - when 'while' is unsuitable as a substitute. I suspect, though I can't quantify, that 'while' and 'until' have two distinct meanings, neither of which is what most people mean by 'while'

[Ron Blanco 10]

That's an eye-opening thread, De Batz. Thanks. It is interesting when two words, that seem like opposites, can sometimes be used as replacements for eachother. I often hear people say "I will borrow you ten pounds" (not in Yorkshire of course ) when actually they mean the opposite i.e 'lend'.

[mr_blue_owl 10]

I reworked the poem for those who like rhyming verse

The poem by the way, is based on a real life incident involving a British Airways jet and I happen to know a stewardess who was on the flight. Fortunately on that occasion the engines started up again at 11,000 feet.

 

The metal albatross

To its destiny is flying

‘Mayday! Mayday!’

All four engines dying

 

There hangs a deathly silence

 

An old lady reads her bible

A boy holds his teddy bear

A man scribbles out a note

And two lovers say a prayer

 

 

The metal albatross

Slowly is descending

‘Mayday! Mayday!’

Disaster is impending

 

There hangs a deathly silence

 

Faces peer through windows

Apprehension starts to grow

They see the sparkling ocean

Which waits for them below

 

 

The metal albatross

Ever downwards gliding

‘Mayday! Mayday!’

Hopes are fast subsiding

 

There hangs a deathly silence

 

The captain says don’t panic

The tension starts to rise

The hostess gives a smile

But fear shows in her eyes

 

 

The metal albatross

In the sunlight gleaming

‘Mayday! Mayday!’

Distress signal beaming

 

There hangs a deathly silence

 

The old lady shuts her bible

The two lovers sit and stare

The man completes his note

The boy hugs his teddy bear

 

 

The metal albatross

Is over water skimming

‘Mayday! Mayday!’

Cabin lights are dimming

 

There hangs a deathly silence

 

Seat belt signs are flashing

Two strangers say goodbye

The hostess takes her seat

And then she starts to cry

 

 

The metal albatross

Makes its final call

‘Mayday! Mayday!

May God be with us all’

 

The farewell note flutters

The smoke drifts on the air

As the tattered bible floats

Beside a soggy teddy bear

The remnants of existence

The flotsam of despair

 

There hangs a deathly silence

Edited June 10, 2012 by mr_blue_owl
correction