mr_blue_owl   10 #13 Posted May 31, 2012 Sorry, Mate I made it available in red and white or blue and white, Owls or Blades in the Sheffield shops, two seperate comics... both the same story just the colours change and the odd word, as they get drawn away every round in FACup. The plus is, if you went for blue and white, they beat United in the third round and visa-versa befioe taking on Man Utd.  Hi Craig, Cannot fault you for fair play! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Tallyman   10 #14 Posted June 1, 2012 Hello I've just joined the Writer's Group, but I write and draw comedy horror comics with Sheffield locations, could I enter one into this competition? cheers Craig  Hello Craig, welcome to the group, and apologies for the delay in seeing your post.  You are very welcome to post your comics in the forum. If the subject fits in with the monthly theme, then feel free to post them in the monthly theme thread (this one is just closing, as it was for May, but check out the June theme). If your subject doesn't fit in with the theme, then just post your comic as a new topic in the forum. We'd all be very pleased to see it!  Tallyman Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Tallyman   10 #15 Posted June 1, 2012 Thank you to everyone who entered the May competition. I'll be announcing the winner shortly!  Tallyman Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Tallyman   10 #16 Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) Thank you to everyone who entered the May competition, and a warm welcome to who chose this month for their debut. Please keep entering your pieces in the monthly competitions, they are a real treat to read!  This is what I thought as I read through the entries:  Sci fi: A neat double link to the theme through a distress call and characters' names. I could sense the anticipation surrounding the opening of the airlock and discovery of whatever may lie on the other side. Because of that, I was a little disappointed at the ending as I wanted to find out why the ship was deserted! Having said that, you did end with a nice futuristic twist to reinvigorate an old theme.  Mr Blue Owl: Poetry is so much more difficult to get right than prose, I feel. It needs not just the right words but also the right order, pattern and rhythm. Your piece connected with me in a heartbeat, made me feel so desperately sad for all those involved, gave me a moment's hope and then let it go. It brought tears to my eyes, and I can't think of another poem that's done that for me.  Sugarnspice: May really doesn't have a good time of it, does she. I felt for her as circumstances conspired to create the day from hell. I like the imagery of the lemon yellow kitchen and her daffodil mug: bright and sunny like the mood I feel she wants to have, but at the same time as bitter as the reality of her life. And Rodger's shenanigans to top it all off. I wonder what May did next? I almost think she'd offer them both a cup of tea!  De Batz: A gritty piece from you this month, a tale of change. It all felt very real and somehow in the right order: the revelation about Mum's 'bloke', then recollecting how she and Dad had met, then his attempts to make Helen seem more of an equal. Helen is clearly fed up with both of them, but I wonder if that's her knee jerk reaction to the news or whether her relationship with her parents had soured over time?  Owethemnowt: One word: chilling. No, more words: disturbing, horrific, bleak, and so very well crafted. I really didn't want to linger over the ending at all; it was shocking and unpleasant, but I still had to read it. Your characters were predictably different and painted so efficiently: 'fastening her coat, as if she ever needed holding together' is such a good line (and, with the single word 'ever' included, changing her instantly from vulnerable to invulnerable). Very impressive indeed, but certainly no comedy.  This was not an easy decision at all, with a number of very worthy entries. In the end, I couldn't separate two of them and so I am announcing a tie between Mr Blue Owl's heart-rending poem and Owethemnowt's bleak and unnerving tale. Congratulations to you both!  On a practical note, Mr Blue Owl is already choosing the theme for June, so could I ask Owethemnowt to do the honours with July's theme?  Thanks again to everyone who took part!  Tallyman Edited June 1, 2012 by Tallyman Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
mr_blue_owl   10 #17 Posted June 1, 2012 Thank you for your kind words regarding my contribution. They are most appreciated as always. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
sci fi   10 #18 Posted June 2, 2012 thanks for your input tallyman, I am new to writing and appreciate a little critic. I will try to spend more than half an hour on the next one. :0) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Ron Blanco   10 #19 Posted June 8, 2012 (edited) Congratulations to Mr Blue Owl and Owethemnowt. Two gripping scenes.  Sci fi, I have to admit that during these recession-hit, rain-filled times your story came as some welcome light relief. I was suckered into the story, and laughed at the end.  Sugarnspice, I enjoyed your mischievous interpretation of the story. I felt particularly sorry for May at this point: "...Pauline chattered non-stop about herself, her children, how clever they are..." . I'm also wondering what May's reaction might be to the ending? "Oh dear, there won't be enough eggs and chips for three!"  DB, I think you created an authentic teenage voice. The final two sentences seemed to say a lot about the daughter's view of her parents, and rounded the piece off nicely. (Ps in the penultimate sentence did you mean 'until' instead of 'while'?).  Thanks, Tallyman, for overseeing this month's theme. I had intended participating myself, but my idea for a drug-dealing milkmaid at a May Day festival just didn't come together. Edited June 8, 2012 by Ron Blanco Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
De Batz   10 #20 Posted June 8, 2012 'While' is 'until' to many Sheffielders. Did you recognise Helen as the daughter from the novel beginning I posted a few weeks ago? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Ron Blanco   10 #21 Posted June 9, 2012 'While' is 'until' to many Sheffielders. Did you recognise Helen as the daughter from the novel beginning I posted a few weeks ago?  Well I never! Is it really? I should have known you would take more care than to leave a glaring typo like that. I'll get my coat.  As for Helen, I didn't make the connection until (while?) you mentioned it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
De Batz   10 #22 Posted June 9, 2012 Now here's a thing.  http://www.sheffieldforum.co.uk/showthread.php?t=11463  There are times - and I can't quite put my finger on it - when 'while' is unsuitable as a substitute. I suspect, though I can't quantify, that 'while' and 'until' have two distinct meanings, neither of which is what most people mean by 'while' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
Ron Blanco   10 #23 Posted June 9, 2012 That's an eye-opening thread, De Batz. Thanks. It is interesting when two words, that seem like opposites, can sometimes be used as replacements for eachother. I often hear people say "I will borrow you ten pounds" (not in Yorkshire of course ) when actually they mean the opposite i.e 'lend'. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...
mr_blue_owl   10 #24 Posted June 10, 2012 (edited) I reworked the poem for those who like rhyming verse The poem by the way, is based on a real life incident involving a British Airways jet and I happen to know a stewardess who was on the flight. Fortunately on that occasion the engines started up again at 11,000 feet.  The metal albatross To its destiny is flying ‘Mayday! Mayday!’ All four engines dying  There hangs a deathly silence  An old lady reads her bible A boy holds his teddy bear A man scribbles out a note And two lovers say a prayer   The metal albatross Slowly is descending ‘Mayday! Mayday!’ Disaster is impending  There hangs a deathly silence  Faces peer through windows Apprehension starts to grow They see the sparkling ocean Which waits for them below   The metal albatross Ever downwards gliding ‘Mayday! Mayday!’ Hopes are fast subsiding  There hangs a deathly silence  The captain says don’t panic The tension starts to rise The hostess gives a smile But fear shows in her eyes   The metal albatross In the sunlight gleaming ‘Mayday! Mayday!’ Distress signal beaming  There hangs a deathly silence  The old lady shuts her bible The two lovers sit and stare The man completes his note The boy hugs his teddy bear   The metal albatross Is over water skimming ‘Mayday! Mayday!’ Cabin lights are dimming  There hangs a deathly silence  Seat belt signs are flashing Two strangers say goodbye The hostess takes her seat And then she starts to cry   The metal albatross Makes its final call ‘Mayday! Mayday! May God be with us all’  The farewell note flutters The smoke drifts on the air As the tattered bible floats Beside a soggy teddy bear The remnants of existence The flotsam of despair  There hangs a deathly silence Edited June 10, 2012 by mr_blue_owl correction Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Share this content via...