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Tell us a Limerick (Part 8)

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Dear Pixie don't give up the ghost

Don't fret on a bit of burnt toast

Just get one more slice

It's done in a trice

Let us know when you try Sunday roast

 

My goodness it's been such a stress,

It's sad but I have to confess

I was being very blonde

But I was never conned

Out of doing the food hygiene test!

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I can see you've done it before

well don't do it again, at my door

your far to good to be Trying

the poems you write leave me Crying

Oh! Waltheof Consider going on tour.

 

'Tis true, I have written such verse,

And to make it improved, I rehearse.

But sometimes the Muse

Will simply refuse--

Poet's block is then really my curse...

 

---------- Post added 02-03-2013 at 18:52 ----------

 

So Williiam the Conq is to blame

For blighting the Waltheof name

His name is restored

On the Forums"I'm Bored"

But killed with two blows,that's a shame

 

Waltheof was the last Saxon lord

That Sheffield could really afford.

Bill the Conq at first liked him

But later on spiked him--

Put his head where by rats he'd be gnawed!

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We have been such a bloody thirsty nation

But it did save the cost of cremation

Now rats can just eat

Waste that's left in the street

Like the latest MacDonalds creation

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We have been such a bloody thirsty nation

But it did save the cost of cremation

Now rats can just eat

Waste that's left in the street

Like the latest MacDonalds creation

 

In our history we find that the Norse

Were quite happy with eating their horse.

They said "It's fast food

And exceedingly good--

You can gallop, then cook it of course!"

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Just done reading a book about Eyam

A truly brave village 'twould seem

When plague came to call

They'd their backs to the wall

But all worked very hard on a scheme.

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Hiyall, not been on here for quite a while

Been cutting through the bars with my, cake hidden file

But now I'm free

Am cummin for thee

So Denlin tha berra get ready, cuss am norarf gunna gi thi sum bile

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Jim's porridge is over and done

He's escaped and now on the run

He carries a bag

That's labelled with "SWAG"

And wears a striped jumper for fun

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The striped jumper matches old Denlins brolly

Some say (not me) she's off of her trolley

You must've seen her book

With her red and white stripey look

She goes by the pseudonym, Where's Wally?

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Just done reading a book about Eyam

A truly brave village 'twould seem

When plague came to call

They'd their backs to the wall

But all worked very hard on a scheme.

 

In Eyam there's a pub called The Miners

Much frequented by drinkers and diners

It's not very far

And it had a late bar

We went there when we were still minors

 

The Derbyshire pubs opened late

So we drove there when out on a date

But now I am thinking

That driving and drinking

Was madness and just tempting fate

 

---------- Post added 06-03-2013 at 17:20 ----------

 

But I have been to Mompessons Well

And walked round the churchyard as well

They were all very brave

As their lives they gave

To save many others from Hell.

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Hiyall, not been on here for quite a while

Been cutting through the bars with my, cake hidden file

But now I'm free

Am cummin for thee

So Denlin tha berra get ready, cuss am norarf gunna gi thi sum bile

 

I'm not scared of thee - tha't a big pussy cat:D

The coven will be there, so hold on to thy hat,:suspect:

The moment they find you're back:D

You may be saying ribbit or quack:help:

Depending on our mood - or tha could be a bat:hihi::hihi:

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Lin being in jail has made Jim tough

He said bring it on I like it rough

But he's lost his grip

He's done a strip

Now he's standing outside in the buff :o:hihi:

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Joto and the rest of your flock

If you saw me naked you'd be in for a shock

If I got to undress

You'd be all in a mess

For youd be amazed at the size of my smock

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