Why are splits involving kids so bitter and nasty?

[Cat86 10]

That is also a worrying thought. It's not that I don't want him to see him. I have heard she has been nagging my ex to reduce payments to me...because it will take away what he could give to THEIR child. (These are two very wealthy, and very successful professionals, by the way).

 

.

 

All of your posts- which is the majority of this thread seem very very raw and bitter with emotion..

The thing is, rightly or wrongly your ex partners girlfriend has her own (unborn) child to think of.. you cant blame her for that, whether you like it or not- as you've said your every waking moment is for your little boy- hers will be for her little one/its future.

Can you see any other family christmas, while you wait for him to come back?

If his dad is genuinely not around as much as he should be, well he'll have to explain that when he's older. I'd try and focus on what a wicked time you two will have when he's back. and leave the ex to it..

[Sparkler61 10]

Babooshka - I know where you are coming from, I agree with you 100%, I feel your hurt and pain. Big hug from me.

[rubydazzler 11]

All of your posts- which is the majority of this thread seem very very raw and bitter with emotion..

The thing is, rightly or wrongly your ex partners girlfriend has her own (unborn) child to think of.. you cant blame her for that, whether you like it or not- as you've said your every waking moment is for your little boy- hers will be for her little one/its future.

Can you see any other family christmas, while you wait for him to come back?

If his dad is genuinely not around as much as he should be, well he'll have to explain that when he's older. I'd try and focus on what a wicked time you two will have when he's back. and leave the ex to it..

Can you blame her? It's not like it's just an afternoon, is it? No wonder she's worried and upset. I can't think of anything worse that having to take your little kid to spend Christmas with two comparative strangers, one of whom is pregnant. I can't imagine it'll be much fun for the child either. The man sounds willing to inconvenience everyone and spoil the little boy's Christmas for his own selfish reasons.

 

Although, I agree with Joto that once the father has a new child to focus on the effort, which he seems unable to sustain reliably anyway, of keeping in contact with their son, will peter out. But the emotional damage will have been done by then. Sadly, it happens all too frequently.

[rubydazzler 11]

do you believe you have more rights to your child at this time of year?

Don't you think you should be looking at this from the child's pov? Surely at this one time of the year, specifically a children's time of fun and Father Christmas and presents, they should be able to feel secure in their own home? Rather than being shipped off to spend time with what amounts to a couple of acquaintances at the other end of the country?

 

I agree that if the father wants to spend Christmas Day with his child, he should come to the child, not expect the child to be taken to him.

 

Maybe that's a revolutionary concept, that the parent's desires should take a back seat and the child's needs and wants be paramount?

[Babooshka 10]

The thing is, rightly or wrongly your ex partners girlfriend has her own (unborn) child to think of.. you cant blame her for that, whether you like it or not- as you've said your every waking moment is for your little boy- hers will be for her little one/its future.

..

 

I believe that when a woman (I am specifically using woman/man relating to this particular frame of reference, and for no other reason) comes in to a man's life, who already has a child, the woman needs to be aware that life will be nothing like getting together with a single man. That man has responsibilities to people who have been around for a long, long time. With this in mind, she should be accepting, and accommodating, that life will not be as it might ordinarily be, and adjust accordingly. I believe it would be unreasonable to believe otherwise. Why should EVERYTHING suit them in a situation like this?

 

If I were ever to meet a man who already had children, I would NEVER NEVER NEVER ask him to spend Christmas with me. How outrageous would that be?

 

I also feel if that is what both she AND her partner (ie my ex in this case) feel, and just want everything to revolve around THEMSELVES, then they should step out of OUR lives completely. Of course I don't want my little boy to not have a father, but when a father proves time and time again, that he is unreliable, won't visit him at home, and that his first child just fits in around his new life, would leaving his life all together really be such a massive deal? Or, if that is too drastic, then at least, just seeing him here, in his son's home town, where he is happy, and has his little life in place.

 

No, this is all just about 'convenience' for my ex...which is why it is so galling.

 

Father's should come to their children.

[Badlittlepup 10]

I believe that when a woman (I am specifically using woman/man relating to this particular frame of reference, and for no other reason) comes in to a man's life, who already has a child, the woman needs to be aware that life will be nothing like getting together with a single man. That man has responsibilities to people who have been around for a long, long time. With this in mind, she should be accepting, and accommodating, that life will not be as it might ordinarily be, and adjust accordingly. I believe it would be unreasonable to believe otherwise. Why should EVERYTHING suit them in a situation like this?

 

If I were ever to meet a man who already had children, I would NEVER NEVER NEVER ask him to spend Christmas with me. How outrageous would that be?

 

I also feel if that is what both she AND her partner (ie my ex in this case) feel, and just want everything to revolve around THEMSELVES, then they should step out of OUR lives completely. Of course I don't want my little boy to not have a father, but when a father proves time and time again, that he is unreliable, won't visit him at home, and that his first child just fits in around his new life, would leaving his life all together really be such a massive deal? Or, if that is too drastic, then at least, just seeing him here, in his son's home town, where he is happy, and has his little life in place.

 

No, this is all just about 'convenience' for my ex...which is why it is so galling.

 

Father's should come to their children.

 

Sorry, I think you're really out of order. You say 'oh I want him to have a Dad' then you say you wish he'd just go away'. When he sees his kid you complain it's in the wrong place, or at the wrong time but when he doesn't you complain about that too. At the end of the day you just don't want him to see his kid unless he agrees to see him when it suits you, where it suits you to your specific rules. That to me is a classic case of making it as difficult as possible for a father in the hope you can make him go away.

 

It would love to hear his side of the story, I suspect it is extremely different to yours.

[spider1 11]

spelling:suspect: Hi what comes around goes around . Our daughters husband left her after 10 years of marriage a daughter age 3 a son age 6 he worked for a major bank . He met a girl at work her father was a millionaire , Told me he now had a different and better life . Her fathers business went bust and he committed suicide . His new wife now has mental health problems - His father did the same to his wife and so did his brother Our daughter is a beautiful and lovely person and has now met somebody else and I have never seen her so happy . I am giving him a couple of years and we are going to take him to court again as he up to his old tricks telling lies again [ Yes i am the father inlaw from hell ] May be you dogooders would like to hear his side ] So dont despair grand parents they dont always win . The good news is he is in a mountain of debpt

[Riche 10]

Because women are involved, they are greedy and spiteful.

[rubydazzler 11]

Because women are involved, they are greedy and spiteful.

That's just rubbish, Riche, and you know it. You can't tar every woman with the same brush. You usually get back from a relationship more or less what you put into it.

 

So if that's your experience, you have to look at yourself first, before blaming everyone else. Just saying ...

[Riche 10]

That's just rubbish, Riche, and you know it. You can't tar every woman with the same brush. You usually get back from a relationship more or less what you put into it.

 

So if that's your experience, you have to look at yourself first, before blaming everyone else. Just saying ...

 

I am stiil married after 20 years, not always easy but still in it so to speak. I have seen 4 good pals, good farthers and good men screwed over royally by greedy wifes during splits.

[scoop 10]

I believe that when a woman (I am specifically using woman/man relating to this particular frame of reference, and for no other reason) comes in to a man's life, who already has a child, the woman needs to be aware that life will be nothing like getting together with a single man. That man has responsibilities to people who have been around for a long, long time. With this in mind, she should be accepting, and accommodating, that life will not be as it might ordinarily be, and adjust accordingly. I believe it would be unreasonable to believe otherwise. Why should EVERYTHING suit them in a situation like this?

 

If I were ever to meet a man who already had children, I would NEVER NEVER NEVER ask him to spend Christmas with me. How outrageous would that be?

 

I also feel if that is what both she AND her partner (ie my ex in this case) feel, and just want everything to revolve around THEMSELVES, then they should step out of OUR lives completely. Of course I don't want my little boy to not have a father, but when a father proves time and time again, that he is unreliable, won't visit him at home, and that his first child just fits in around his new life, would leaving his life all together really be such a massive deal? Or, if that is too drastic, then at least, just seeing him here, in his son's home town, where he is happy, and has his little life in place.

 

No, this is all just about 'convenience' for my ex...which is why it is so galling.

 

Father's should come to their children.

 

I agree, and this is more or less the arrangement me and my ex have come to. He comes first thing in the morning to watch scoop jr open his presents, then disappears until around tea time, when he picks him up to have him til boxing day.

[scoop 10]

I am stiil married after 20 years, not always easy but still in it so to speak. I have seen 4 good pals, good farthers and good men screwed over royally by greedy wifes during splits.

 

Good for you - I suspect that you'll know many more women and children who have had lives ruined by selfish men if you set your mind to it. They just dont moan about it constantly in the same way men do.