Why are splits involving kids so bitter and nasty?

[rubydazzler 11]

I am stiil married after 20 years, not always easy but still in it so to speak. I have seen 4 good pals, good farthers and good men screwed over royally by greedy wifes during splits.

But you didn't say that your experience was limited to four women your mates were married to. Who probably brought whatever happened to them upon themselves because, as we all know, men are selfish, lazy and self-obsessed.

 

You said "women". In other words, all of us!

 

And I bet, if there were any children involved, the mothers got landed with looking after them, whilst the men swanned off, free as a bird, and yet demand that the kids are brought to them and their new woman, on Christmas Day just to upset everyone else!

[Babooshka 10]

Sorry, I think you're really out of order. You say 'oh I want him to have a Dad' then you say you wish he'd just go away'. When he sees his kid you complain it's in the wrong place, or at the wrong time but when he doesn't you complain about that too. At the end of the day you just don't want him to see his kid unless he agrees to see him when it suits you, where it suits you to your specific rules. That to me is a classic case of making it as difficult as possible for a father in the hope you can make him go away.

 

It would love to hear his side of the story, I suspect it is extremely different to yours.

 

What little you know. My ex is eternally grateful for the lengths I go to, to ensure he sees his son.

 

How many women do you know who, at the drop of a hat, when at work, have to suddenly take an unpaid leave day, or annual leave (thus losing a day's pay in my line of work), and who will return to Sheffield (150 miles) collect our child, and immediately thereafter drive a further 70 mile round trip to get the child to the father, never asking for any kind of remuneration? I have done that countless times, to both my financial detriment and physical exhaustion.

 

On top of this, he chooses his contact weekends to fit in with his work, and they are ALWAYS, without exception, at his house. I meet him half way in terms of driving distance. How is THIS making HIS life difficult? I have done this for three years out of my own free will to ensure my son maintains a relationship with his father. When a father won't make any effort to reciprocate in order to alleviate the amount of travel his child has to do, is what makes me feel the way I feel. My current feelings are as a response to this.

[scoop 10]

What little you know. My ex is eternally grateful for the lengths I go to, to ensure he sees his son.

 

How many women do you know who, at the drop of a hat, when at work, have to suddenly take an unpaid leave day, or annual leave (thus losing a day's pay in my line of work), and who will return to Sheffield (150 miles) collect our child, and immediately thereafter drive a further 70 mile round trip to get the child to the father, never asking for any kind of remuneration? I have done that countless times, to both my financial detriment and physical exhaustion.

 

On top of this, he chooses his contact weekends to fit in with his work, and they are ALWAYS, without exception, at his house. I meet him half way in terms of driving distance. How is THIS making HIS life difficult? I have done this for three years out of my own free will to ensure my son maintains a relationship with his father. When a father won't make any effort to reciprocate in order to alleviate the amount of travel his child has to do, is what makes me feel the way I feel. My current feelings are as a response to this.

 

You deserve a medal, I know i wouldn't do that.

 

How come you do all the driving? Surely your ex should be responsible for his own contact arrangements?

[Badlittlepup 10]

What little you know. My ex is eternally grateful for the lengths I go to, to ensure he sees his son.

 

How many women do you know who, at the drop of a hat, when at work, have to suddenly take an unpaid leave day, or annual leave (thus losing a day's pay in my line of work), and who will return to Sheffield (150 miles) collect our child, and immediately thereafter drive a further 70 mile round trip to get the child to the father, never asking for any kind of remuneration? I have done that countless times, to both my financial detriment and physical exhaustion.

 

On top of this, he chooses his contact weekends to fit in with his work, and they are ALWAYS, without exception, at his house. I meet him half way in terms of driving distance. How is THIS making HIS life difficult? I have done this for three years out of my own free will to ensure my son maintains a relationship with his father. When a father won't make any effort to reciprocate in order to alleviate the amount of travel his child has to do, is what makes me feel the way I feel. My current feelings are as a response to this.

 

I don't understand why you're doing all this driving around, why haven't you just told him if he wants to see him he can collect him? You say he has contact weekends and fits them in with his work (which is totally reasonable, what would be the point of picking him up and leaving him with a babysitter). Dad's normally see kids at their house, it's not reasonable to expect him to book into a hotel every weekend to see his kid.

 

I just don't see what the problem is outside telling him he has to do his collections himself?

[ronthenekred 10]

Because women are involved, they are greedy and spiteful.

 

That's just rubbish, Riche, and you know it. You can't tar every woman with the same brush. You usually get back from a relationship more or less what you put into it.

 

So if that's your experience, you have to look at yourself first, before blaming everyone else. Just saying ...

 

I am stiil married after 20 years, not always easy but still in it so to speak. I have seen 4 good pals, good farthers and good men screwed over royally by greedy wifes during splits.

 

But you didn't say that your experience was limited to four women your mates were married to. Who probably brought whatever happened to them upon themselves because, as we all know, men are selfish, lazy and self-obsessed.

 

You said "women". In other words, all of us!

 

And I bet, if there were any children involved, the mothers got landed with looking after them, whilst the men swanned off, free as a bird, and yet demand that the kids are brought to them and their new woman, on Christmas Day just to upset everyone else!

 

 

It still takes a woman to sort out the cafuffle in a cobwebbed male head.

[ricgem2002 11]

What little you know. My ex is eternally grateful for the lengths I go to, to ensure he sees his son.

 

How many women do you know who, at the drop of a hat, when at work, have to suddenly take an unpaid leave day, or annual leave (thus losing a day's pay in my line of work), and who will return to Sheffield (150 miles) collect our child, and immediately thereafter drive a further 70 mile round trip to get the child to the father, never asking for any kind of remuneration? I have done that countless times, to both my financial detriment and physical exhaustion.

 

On top of this, he chooses his contact weekends to fit in with his work, and they are ALWAYS, without exception, at his house. I meet him half way in terms of driving distance. How is THIS making HIS life difficult? I have done this for three years out of my own free will to ensure my son maintains a relationship with his father. When a father won't make any effort to reciprocate in order to alleviate the amount of travel his child has to do, is what makes me feel the way I feel. My current feelings are as a response to this.

so you work away from home ?who looks after your son ?maybe your son sees you as a part time parent too. id like to hear the dads side to this story too people cant judge on a one sided story

[nexusdee 10]

From reading all the posts I feel really lucky that both mine & my exes love for our daughter has always been stronger then any hatred we have felt for each other in the past. My ex has always had unlimited access to see our daughter. But that's because we both believe that our relationship has nothing to do with his relationship with our daughter. But I am fortunate in that he is a great dad, our daughter has always & always will be his priority (something his current girlfriend us not too happy about). No it hasn't always been easy there has been times we have hated each other but we have never allowed that to affect our daughter. Now though I would say we are closer as friends and parents then we ever were as a couple, so much so that for her first holiday abroad we are going as a family.

[Babooshka 10]

I do all the driving, because if I didn't, my son would not see his dad. He refuses to do collections. It is that simple. I do it for my son. The reason it is so painful now, is because despite all my efforts....my ex still continues to take it all for granted and just carry on doing what HE wants, thus making it harder for me every time, to facilitate my son's relationship with his dad, and it not be to the detriment of my relationship with my son.

 

No, I am not a part-time mum. When my life changed, due to the nature of my job, I reduced my hours to a 33% contract, and so am away for two blocks of 4 or 5 days every six weeks. That is it. SO, I am here for my son 32/34 days out of every 42. It was a very very difficult choice, but I felt that being at home was more important, and my son really needed me.

 

Don't worry, I don't 'claim' anything. Instead, I have gone back to university to quality in another vocational area, so that, come June, I can undertake additional work, to fit in with my son's school hours, so that it does not impact on the time that he sees me, and to start earning more money again to better provide for him.

 

Like I said, my whole life is for my son.