How old should baby be before you go away without her?

[Ryan'Biz 10]

How old should a baby be before it is OK to leave her with her grandparents whilst you take a holiday?

I really need a break. I have a baby who will be 13 months old when I'm thinking of going away. I would feel guilty about leaving her behind, but I would also feel guilty about taking her away.

Her grandparents are happy to look after her, but I've never been out of her sight for more than a few hours before and wonder whether I would even enjoy my holiday.

Has anyone on here any experiences to share?

 

they shoud be atleast 15/16 years old. then they could do "odd" jobs for their grandparent's.

[HTM_1983 10]

I think there's some misunderstanding here.

 

I don't see anything wrong in letting a child under 5 stay with family for a few hours whilst the parents get a break - we've done that ourselves with our kids.

 

I wouldn't leave a child under 5 with anyone that they are not very closely familiar with.

 

I've left my 18 month old son with my mother, for up to 1 hour max, whilst I've gone out to the shops - but that was absolutely the max because at that age (and at 13 months) they just don't understand and can't be explained or consoled very easily if they get upset.

 

The OP is talking about going on holiday and leaving a 13 month old baby with someone else. I think that's totally irresponsible and throws into question their suitability to be a parent.

 

Sorry if you think that's harsh. I don't. I think that when you choose to become a parent you make a committment to another human being that is TOTALLY dependent on you. That doesn't mean you don't deserve a break now and again, maybe an hour or two, if the kids can be left with someone they are familiar and happy to be with.

 

But a holiday?

 

I'm appalled.

 

So even over night with a family member isnt right then until they are older? In my opinion the earlier you leave a child with other family members the better for them so they don't get too attached and are able to stay in other places and not become clingy etc. My neices/nephews have all stayed at my mums/my house at young ages and its never given them any issues.

 

If you look at my initial comment i did make a comment about a holiday being a bit long maybe for first time leaving the child and maybe just leave them for 1 night and then 2 etc...so that the OP can be closer for the first time.

 

This is not directed to the lady who started this thread but I have to say that I wonder why some of the contributors had kids in the first place.

 

All the comments about post natal depression and the downsides of having kids what about the sheer joy of caring for a young un?

 

There are lots of things you can no longer do because you have a kid, there are also lots of things that you would neve have done that you can now do because you have one. Stop bleating enjoy!

 

I presume then it is aimed at me as I am the one that mentioned post-natal depression. I myself don't yet have children and the comments made about the depression were to highlight that my neice would stay at my mums house at a young age in order for us to help my sister out - - under 1 in fact. My sister didnt choose to have PND. I am not sure what other downpoints have been mentioend about having children. This was my sisters 3rd child, and she was/is well aware of the joys of having children that you mention. I am also aware that there are many things that are great about having children and one of my points was that just because you have children it doesnt mean other things have to stop....such has letting someone look after your child over night to go out for a special occasion etc

[DerbyTup 10]

you will have to do what you consider to be right and we won't agree.

 

Absolutely, I/we would NEVER have left a young baby of a few months with anyone overnight - not unless it was an absolute emergency - like someone being rushed in hospital or something like that.

 

A few hours - yes fine - overnight no. We breast fed both children for a start - even though one needed to have a bottle as supplement as well. Even when they were both weaned and were being bottle fed we wouldn't have left them overnight as babies. They frequently wake up crying and need feeding or changing and if your parents, their grandparents, are elderly is that fair to expect them to be getting up throughout the night doing that job? I'm sure they'd say yes - ours would. But it's selfish and we wouldn't put our parents through that.

 

Our kids first started sleeping over when they were maybe 4 or 5. By this time we could explain to them what was happening and they understood. To me/us that is the right thing to do.

 

I appreciate it isn't very trendy though is it? It seems to me that some people have kids and can't wait to dump them off on others from any age. To suit their own selfish ends.

 

Don't have kids unless you are willing to make a huge, lifetime committment to them I'd say. If you want to be out all night dancing, clubbing, boozing, whilst the kids are still babies then you had them too young.

Edited November 24, 2011 by DerbyTup

[skinz 10]

 

Don't have kids unless you are willing to make a huge, lifetime committment to them I'd say. If you want to be out all night dancing, clubbing, boozing, whilst the kids are still babies then you had them too young.

 

 

Whoa. You've just jumped from personal advice on a break to getting hammered, dancing and boozing. How and more importantly, why did you make such a drastic leap?

 

Taking a bit of time out isn't exactly ignoring lifelong commitments.

[lolli_pop 10]

It seems to me that some people have kids and can't wait to dump them off on others from any age. To suit their own selfish ends.

 

This is the first time the OP has considered leaving their child. With the child's grandparents, and after careful consideration. Hardly reckless or selfish.

 

If you want to be out all night dancing, clubbing, boozing

 

That may be your idea of a holiday but it might not be the OP's. Perhaps they just want a quiet break.

[HTM_1983 10]

Whoa. You've just jumped from personal advice on a break to getting hammered, dancing and boozing. How and more importantly, why did you make such a drastic leap?

 

Taking a bit of time out isn't exactly ignoring lifelong commitments.

 

I was also wondering why the sudden comments about being out drinking etc....I have made comments about having time out to go for a meal/go the cinema not being out all night partying.

 

I agree with your comment at the end though, having time out (even if that does include a night out) doesnt mean you don't love/care for your child

[Sid Umpley 10]

the flip side is.

 

a 5 yr old will miss their mum/dad and cry

a 13 month old doesnt give a damn where it is as long as its clean/dry/fed/warm etc.

[HTM_1983 10]

the flip side is.

 

a 5 yr old will miss their mum/dad and cry

a 13 month old doesnt give a damn where it is as long as its clean/dry/fed/warm etc.

 

very to the point . . . but as you say a 13 month old or younger wont realise they have been left and they will in fact know that the person hugging them in the night is a familiar face/voice and so they will then become used to this person more and not always want to be with mum/dad

[ANGELFIRE1 10]

"How old should baby be before you go away without her?" When the cord has been cut I would say.

 

Regards

 

Angel.

[Murphy Jnr 10]

And now just a quick word from our sponsor...

 

"How old should baby be before you go away without her?" When the cord has been cut I would say.

 

Regards

 

Angel.

 

 

Thank you Angel

[Lady Star 10]

As long as the child is weaned, it doen't need to be with you so much anymore - Some kids live with Grandparents full time, so yours will be fine for you to go on hols...

[19SazzaLou91 10]

I leave my daughter with her grandparents one night a month to get some "me" time.

 

I agree with all those saying it's healthier for the child, too, as the child won't grow up with attachment issues because of being with one person and one person only their whole life.

 

 

To the OP, try doing what others have suggested, try a night or two at first, and then see how it goes.

It's not like she'll be with strangers, and as long as she's fed, cuddled, happy, clean... She'll be fine.

 

 

To those saying it's a 24/7/365 job... Are you saying I'm a bad mother for having a job and leaving my 5 month old with my mother in the afternoons while I work? Or would you rather me be sat on my backside watching jeremy kyle taking benefits out of the system, thus making YOU pay more taxes?

 

And every parent needs one night off every once in a while, it's a very demanding job, and it's emotionally, financially and physically stressful. If you don't release that stress somehow... it's gonna get to you. And in worst case scenarios it's the child that is punished.

 

So seriously, think about what you say, and then think again, and then just don't say it.