New definition of ignorance

[Guest]

If i were down today, knowing of the approaching time - i would have gone to the peace gardens at the side of the town hall. I dont know if most new people to Sheffield realise what the gardens are there for and the history of the site. It has always been a special place for us sheffielders for decades, long before the fairly new extravagant chanes to it.

Incidentely, the site was once where St. Pauls church stood, and graveyard.

And a memorial to the Sheffield lads who died fighting the facists in Spain [inc the Catholic church]

[BarryRiley]

Some years ago I studied NLP. In case you don't know what that is, I will explain: it stands for "Neuro Linguistic Programming". It is a fascinating subject and one which is much misunderstood. But basically, it is about how you interact with others and how they interact with you. It is about understanding those interactions and how to make them more productive.

 

I found it very useful because it made me think a bit more deeply about the subject.

 

One of the tenets of NLP is this:

 

"you own the response you get"

 

When I first heard this I thought it was rubbish. Some people are just "ignorant" or "rude" and they respond badly to you, due to no fault of your own. Then I began to think more deeply about it - and I thought about situations where I'd got a bad response from someone - like this lady has experienced for example - and I asked myself if there was anything about the way that I'd behaved that might have changed the response I got? Was it something I said? or the way that I said it? or was it my body language?

 

I would say, in the majority of cases, if you are on the receiving end of a negative reaction from someone there is probably something (however small) that you have done, or not done, that has possibly made that situation worse.

 

It doesn't excuse the fact tthat the other person has over-reacted - but this is about helping you to avoid being in situations like that - or at least minimising them.

 

From what the OP has said I can see a possible issue here. As I understand the story, the OP is in a shop and has embarked upon a conversation, presumably with a shop assistant. The OP (suddenly?) realises the time and wishes to observe the silence for the remembrance. However, the shop assistant appears unaware of this and proceeds to ask the OP a question. The OP does not speak but instead raises a finger to the lips and ignores the shop assistant's question.

 

The OP sees nothing wrong with responding in this way, but it clearly annoys the shop assistant.

 

Most of you, so far, feel the shop assistant is ignorant. Could you possibly entertain a slightly different view perhaps?

 

Imagine you were in conversation with someone and had just asked them a question. They don't answer your question, but instead raise a finger to the lips.

 

Question: When was the last time someone gave you that kind of gesture?

 

For many of us, the last time we were given that kind of gesture was probably back in school, by someone in authority, or maybe by a chastising parent. The gesture means "silence" or could be interpreted as "shut up".

 

I wonder how "disrespectful" it would really have been, if the OP had simply said (with a smile), "ooh, excuse me one moment whilst I just observe the 2 minute silence". That would have took about 6 seconds to say. The shop assistant would have understood exactly what the situation was - and the incident wouldn't have happened in all likelihood.

 

It doesn't excuse the reaction of the shop assistant one iota - that was clearly uncalled for and unprofessional. But I think there is a question mark here about how the OP responded (non verbally) which potentially inflamed the situation.

 

I also wonder whether the OP ultimately derived some sort of satisfaction from this situation? She mentions the approval of others (in the form of applause) and the embarrassment of the shop assistant (blushing). This is quite revealing in itself and is suggests that the OP feels a sense of victory and approval. And in posting the story on here the OP is receiving further "approval" from some on the strength of her actions being honourable and the shop assistant's actions being ignorant.

 

I don't think it is so straightforward as that.

 

 

It's never a bad idea to reflect on situations like this and be introspective about one's own part in it. Because there is usually a foundation to support the notion that, "you own the response you get".

 

I must admit, I would not like to be in the middle of a conversation with someone when suddenly they give me that finger to lips "shut up" "silence" gesture. I'd find that rude.

 

In such a situation, a few "soft words turneth away wrath".

 

Enjoy the link...

 

http://shoutingatstreetlights.blogspot.com/2009/08/beer-with-quiet-woman.html

 

The woman should have known there were to be two minutes silence and should have observed them. It's nothing to do with her feeling that she was being gestured to negatively. "Soft words" would have contravened the silence. Unfortunately, sometimes people are just ignorant and cannot be excused with 'neuro-linguistic programming'

[twibstix]

I was not in a conversation with anyone I was observing the silence, the woman approached me and asked me a question.

[twibstix]

And speaking during a respectful silence, even for only 6 seconds as you suggest, completely negates the point of the exercise.

[vizzbucks]

I also held the silence in the city centre sunday.

 

Unlike many others however, i remember our enemies who also died, for example, the germans in the second world war, who the vast majority didn't want to go to war, but were forced by hitler and the nazi party.

 

My grandfather told me (when he was alive) that many german soldiers he spoke to (borth during and after the war) did not want to fight, they were told to, or be punished.

 

So....... my thoughts go the german soldiers who lost their lives too, not only our guys.

[shanes teeth]

If i were down today, knowing of the approaching time - i would have gone to the peace gardens at the side of the town hall. I dont know if most new people to Sheffield realise what the gardens are there for and the history of the site. It has always been a special place for us sheffielders for decades, long before the fairly new extravagant chanes to it.

Incidentely, the site was once where St. Pauls church stood, and graveyard.

 

The Peace Gardens were nicknamed ironicaly after Neville Chamberlains return from Germany in 1938 with the promise of "Peace in our time" and Britains attempts to appease Germany,ignore their expansionism and stay out of a war.The peace obviously didn't last long!They are properly known as St Pauls Gardens as they are on the site,as you say, of the former St Pauls church,which I believe was demolished in order to build the town hall.

[smithy266]

At the Classic Car Show at the NEC, they broadcast the bells of Big Ben at 11, and all in sight just froze, and was silent until the Last Post was sounded two minutes later, when everyone carried on. It was superb. Unbelievable. Awe inspiring.

[Craftsman]

The Peace Gardens were nicknamed ironicaly after Neville Chamberlains return from Germany in 1938 with the promise of "Peace in our time" and Britains attempts to appease Germany,ignore their expansionism and stay out of a war.The peace obviously didn't last long!They are properly known as St Pauls Gardens as they are on the site,as you say, of the former St Pauls church,which I believe was demolished in order to build the town hall.

 

Unfortunetly i think you've got it slightly mixed up. St. Pauls church was demolished because the c of e no longer had a use for it (unfortunetly)

There was a plan to extend onto the Town Hall (the Town Hall was there during the time of St. Pauls) but that was scrapped. The gardens were originally called St. Pauls gardens, and were mostly graves. The site has been known officially as 'The Peace Gardens' for decades!

Incidentally - to those who havent been in Sheffield long - an extention to the Town Hall was built eventually but further back (where the hotel and cafe rouge is) The egg box building (because of its external shape/design) didnt last long, thank god - and we are now left with a lot more pleasing appearence.