sheff1johnny Posted November 3, 2011 Posted November 3, 2011 I know it needs improving, but any ideas will be appreciated. Story (.docx format) Story (.doc format)
Ron Blanco Posted November 9, 2011 Posted November 9, 2011 Hi sheff1johnny. I enjoyed reading it. I particularly liked some of the ideas contained in your story. The piece has quite a languid feel, which perhaps reflects the melancholy aspect of the story, but I wonder if it also lessens the impact. I wonder how the story might look written in the first person from Nigel's point of view. Did you consider that? As with your previous story I found it very interesting and will continue to mull it over.
sheff1johnny Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 Hi Ron, funny you should say that, I have just tried that, and I have to admit it works better than in the thrid person. Well I'll let you have a look and see if you agree
sheff1johnny Posted November 10, 2011 Author Posted November 10, 2011 Hi Ron I did try doing it in the third person, and it does seem to work a little better. Well I'll see if you agree. http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1320924323.doc I may have actually uploaded properly this time.
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